Tag: Finley Peter Dunne

‘Th’ American nation in th’ Sixth Ward is a fine people.’ He says.  ‘They love th’ eagle,’ he says, ‘on th’ back iv a dollar.’

Finley Peter Dunne

Th’ dead ar-re always pop’lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an’ refuse to help his fam’ly, all in wan night.

Finley Peter Dunne

In England a man is presoomed to be innocent till he’s proved guilty an’ they take it f ‘r granted he’s guilty. In this counthry a man is presoomed to be guilty ontil he’s proved guilty an’ afther that he’s presoomed to be innocent.

Finley Peter Dunne

Th’ Turkey bur-rd’s th’ rale cause iv Thanksgivin’. He’s th’ naytional air. Abolish th’ Turkey an’ ye desthroy th’ tie that binds us as wan people.

Finley Peter Dunne

Sure, politics ain’t bean-bag. ‘Tis a man’s game, an’ women, childer, cripples an’ prohybitionists ‘d do well to keep out iv it.

Finley Peter Dunne

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks th’ Lord wud do if He knew th’ facts iv th’ case.

Finley Peter Dunne

Thrust ivrybody—but cut th’ ca-ards.

Finley Peter Dunne

Whin annything was wrote about a man ’twas put this way: “We undhershtand on good authority that M-l-chi H—y, Esquire, is on thrile before Judge G—n on an accusation iv l–c-ny. But we don’t think it’s true.” Nowadays th’ larceny is discovered be a newspa-aper. Th’ lead pipe is dug up in ye’er back yard be a rayporther who knew it was there because he helped ye bury it.[…] Th’ newspaper does ivrything f’r us. It runs th’ polis foorce an’ th’ banks, commands th’ milishy, controls th’ ligislachure, baptizes th’ young, marries th’ foolish, comforts th’ afflicted, afflicts th’ comfortable, buries th’ dead an’ roasts thim aftherward. They ain’t annything it don’t turn its hand to fr’m explainin’ th’ docthrine iv thransubstantiation to composin’ saleratus biskit. Ye can get anny kind iv information ye want to in ye’er fav’rite newspaper about ye’ersilf or annywan else. What th’ Czar whispered to th’ Imp’ror Willum whin they were alone, how to make a silk hat out iv a wire matthress, how to settle th’ coal sthrike, who to marry, how to get on with ye’er wife whin ye’re married, what to feed th’ babies, what doctor to call whin ye’ve fed thim as directed—all iv that ye’ll find in th’ pa-apers.

Finley Peter Dunne