From the farthest reaches of the known universe, a hardy crew of hard-bitten desperados descended upon a tavern to relive old glories and trade lies about their exploits. Well anyway I had to travel for an hour or so. So, I sojourned out beyond Dunwich to consult, confer and otherwise hobnob with my fellow wizards. Old times were remembered. Fallen comrades and enemies were recalled and mockery for the masters of the universe that we had suffered under flowed freely. So many funny stories.
And we compared notes on the worst of the changes that had slowly turned our former corporate home from a great place to work to a bureaucratic hellhole. And all agreed that the problem could be described with three letters … DEI. The most recent outrages were some of the worst. DEI has become embedded in the goals of every manager. But how can you advance DEI when there’s no budget to hire new people. Surprise, surprise. You have to eliminate white men. And the way to do that in the zero-sum game of corporate competition is to give them bad reviews. No matter how valuable they may be or how carefully they work to accomplish their goals it is absolutely critical to advance minorities and women. So, the white men must be demoted. And if you’re a normal man and that’s what you’re told to do it’s going to stick in your craw. Eventually if you can, you walk away.
And that’s not an easy thing. These jobs pay very, very well. The perks include stock options, five figure bonuses and retirement plans that any peon would give his right arm to have. But at a certain point stomaching the things you have to say and do can become too much.
Opinions were espoused about the 2024 race. I was sort of a downer with my, “We can’t vote ourselves out of this” schtick. But I was happy to listen to everybody’s opinion on the Trump versus DeSantis question. And everyone laughed at Biden’s last few fails like tripping over the sandbag and wandering off stage whenever his handlers lost track of him. And gallons of beer (no Transheuser Busch ordered at that table) were imbibed and mass quantities of meat were wolfed down.
So, we commiserated and compared notes on families and summer plans and vowed to drag the wives into a larger gathering involving grilled meat of a ribeye variety that we have agreed is optimal. Whether all can attend this upcoming event is of course problematic. Wives are troublesome, fretful creatures who rarely acquiesce in the expansive plans that men imagine. Their problem is that they lack the big broad flexible outlook on life. They want to nail down time and place and attendees and food budgets and other troublesome details that just complicate their husbands’ days. Why can’t a woman be more like a man? Wait, scratch that. Maybe I’m really glad that they’re completely different from men. Look at all the trouble Matt Walsh has had just getting “experts” to define “WhatIsAWoman?” Let them be as different as they want as long as they stay just as they are.
So, a very good day. Reconnecting with the guys is critical. Camaraderie is of the essence of a normal male life. We have to spend so much time providing for our families and interacting with the wife and kids that it’s essential now and then to escape from those twittering voices and flighty emotions and hang out with coarse, vulgar, boorish, insensitive, cruel, funny, inventive, enthusiastic and masculine peers.
Well, I’m home now. The fun is over. Back to chores and routine. No more pastrami Reubens. Just healthy food and diet. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.