Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 6 – Finale

Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 5 – Trump Martel


Scene 1- May 1787

Philadelphia, PA

George Trumpington (GT) – Take that, Time Hag and that and that!  I, George Trumpington will not allow you to exclude the Second Amendment from the Constitution.  I hereby transfer you to the Salem Massachusetts jurisdiction where you can be summarily burned as the witch you are.

Time Hag (TH) – But they haven’t burned witches in a hundred years.  This isn’t the dark ages.  It’s 1787.

PT – For you they’ll make an exception.  Take her away.

Scene 2 – Present day 4:30 a.m. -White House – Presidential Bedroom

President Trump (PT) – (writhing agitatedly and mumbling angrily) – Take that, Time Hag and that and that!

Melania Trump (MT) (shaking the president to wake him) – Schmoopy, wake up, wake up!  You are having the night horse!

PT – Where am I?  Where is Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson?  And Dolly Madison?  She was actually kind of hot.

MT – You were having the bad dream and you kept the yelling something about the time.

PT – Could it have been all a dream?  Did I not travel back in time to Ancient Greece and Rome and saved the world from Hillary Clinton?

MT – Schmoopy, if you say these things out loud I will have you impeached myself.

PT – But it was so real.  And I was so great.

MT – Yes, yes. Of course, you were, but there are bigger problems.  The republicans in Congress are bad men and they want to make you look bad.  They will only do nothing.

PT – Nothing new there.

MT – But the people are growing angry. Something must be done.

PT – You’re right Schmoopy.  I must end this nightmare once and for all.  Now let’s get back to sleep.  Time travelling is exhausting.

MT – Oh Heaven help us.

Scene 3

Broadcast TV – 6 p.m.

Announcer (who sounds disturbingly like Don Pardo) – We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a message from the President of the United States.

PT – Good evening my fellow Americans, sorry to disturb your reality TV binge watching but put down your bong and try to concentrate and understand.  This is kind of life and death.  The idiots in the congressional republican majority have joined the criminals in the democratic congressional minority in doing absolutely nothing to help me save this country.  And the FBI, CIA and the other bureaucrats are conspiring with the Fake News Media to stall our efforts to do the people’s work.  Therefore, I have no choice but to appoint a special counsel to investigate the malfeasance of all these groups and use the law to break this logjam of losers.  I am appointing Sheriff Joe as special counsel with authority to subpoena and request grand jury indictments for anyone who is proven to be working against the legally elected President of the United States (that’s me).  So thank you for trying to listen and understand through the haze of reefer madness you cultivate.  So go back to watching your namesakes on the Walking Dead and I’ll get back to doing something useful for you.  Trump out.