The Fresh Prince of Gotham

The NYC Democratic Mayoral Primary is today and although there will also be a Republican candidate selected today that’s more or less a formality and whichever Democratic bozo is the primary winner will be installed as Grand High Exalted Leader of Gotham by the Sea.

Polls have shown that even the brainless progressives who inhabit this modern-day Rome have become spooked by the daily horrific assaults and the scope of the theft that now goes on routinely throughout their once safe metropolis and will lead to the “law and order” Democrat, former policeman Eric Adams, being selected based on his promise not to disband the NYPD.

And that may be true.  But I’m hoping for a different outcome.  I’m hoping a dark horse wins.  I’m talking about Paperboy Love Prince.  Born David Porter Jr., this non-binary candidate prefers the pronouns God/Goddess, Paperboy Prince, and they/them.

According to his Wikipedia page “they dress as “royalty” to draw attention to how politicians can hold power for longer than kings or queens.   In an interview with fashion magazine Prince explained how freedom in fashion encourages freedom in thinking and welcoming of diversity.  They often wear a Game Boy Advance SP or Game Boy Color around their neck.  Prince hosts a community center called the Love Gallery on Myrtle Avenue in Bushwick, Brooklyn.  In addition to being a place for community meetings, the Love Gallery is also a vintage clothing store, a food distribution center, and their political campaign headquarters.”

Currently Paperboy is running a little behind.  With about 2% of the vote in he has 0.4% of the vote.  That’s 958 votes out of a current 240,000.  But I sense a stirring in the force.  I know that this is the non-binary goddess New York is waiting for.  I think under a Paperboy Love Prince administration New York will get the treatment it truly deserves.  True Bill de Blasio went a long way in fundamentally transforming New York from an old-fashioned stodgy city with high paying jobs and neighborhoods that included somewhat functional schools and subways into a vibrant paradise where every moment is an adrenaline rush and you live life to the fullest as if every moment could be your last.  And that’s because, of course, it very possibly could be your last.

But that was just the beginning.  With Paperboy we will see a level of dysfunction heretofore undreamed of.  You can only imagine how this Paperboy Love Prince (PLP) will appoint incredible humanoids to head up his departments.  Undoubtedly the Police Commissioner will not have a law and order bent (or pants probably).  And the Education Commissioner will not be focused on test scores or any of that jazz.  It will be about finding the maximum number of transgender candidates hiding out in the third grade.

I assume PLP won’t have time to maintain a sanitation department or try to keep the buses and subways running.  You can’t do everything you know.  But he will probably add new innovative departments like the Commissioner of Twitter and TikTok or something cool like that.

Of course, I don’t expect PLP’s administration to go the whole four years of “their” term.  I’d say eighteen months should be long enough for black plague and cannibalism to resolve things.  But it will be a time to remember.  And by the end it will produce a cityscape familiar to anyone who’s seen “Escape From New York.”

So come on Big Apple, give Paperboy his shot.  He’s ready and he’s sure to finish off any doubts about the future.

Update: Well, Paperboy Love Prince got 0.4% of the vote (~3,400 votes).  The MAN says Paperboy lost but hold on!  If all the voters who voted for someone else happened to put Paperboy as their second choice then this thing can turn around.  Don’t give up.  Paperboy can still win!