Local Election Results in Dunwich

Living as I do in the mythical New England town of Dunwich, election results take a little longer than they do in the outside world.  What with eruptions of elder gods and eldritch horror of nonspecific origin popping up incessantly it takes the election committee quite a lot of time to count the white and black pebbles that we use for voting purposes.  I mean when they’re distracted, they lose count and have to start all over.  And then there are the disqualifications.  If one of the candidates is discovered to have webbed fingers or toes or gills during the mandatory examination, then everything has to stop while the unfortunate individual is burned at the stake or crushed under a door stacked with large smooth stones.  Lately they’ve switched completely to door crushing because of the greenhouse gases emitted by the stake burning procedure.  Time marches on.  Of course, the runner-up is glad, as long as he isn’t similarly non-conforming.

Well, the point is we finally have our results and they are pleasing.  The stupid party was resoundingly re-elected and the evil party was gratifyingly defeated.  I performed an exorcism rite complete with incantations from the Necronomicon (or was it Comic-Con?) and rendered all attacks by the power of darkness null and void (in other words I paid up my property taxes).  And now I can expect to enjoy another two years of quiet, efficient, demonic public service by the good people of the stupid party as they do their best to hold the powers of the evil party at bay.

I intend to continue attending the local Republican Party meeting and find out if I can get involved in some less painful volunteer services.  I’d like to work with the election committee and find out how the sausages get made.  And in fact, I’d also like to find out what other functions I can help out around town.  I may be trapped here in Dunwich for a few years so I might as well make the best of it.

Who knows, maybe I’ll become an adjunct lecturer at Miskatonic University in advanced perpetual motion engineering.  We all have to do our best to save the planet.  After all, both Greta Thunberg and Cthulhu are depending on us.

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Tyler, the Portly Politico

Let me know if you get that adjunct position at Miskatonic. They’re doing cutting edge research into eldritch artifacts and mad cultists.

Here are elections results from my far less fanciful, un-Cthulhu-haunted town: https://theportlypolitico.com/2021/11/02/lamar-election-results-2021/

Jason
Jason
2 months ago

Congratulations, Tyler!

Tyler, the Portly Politico
Reply to  Jason

Thanks, Jason!

TomD
2 months ago

“Who knows, maybe I’ll become an adjunct lecturer at Miskatonic University in advanced perpetual motion engineering.”

If you like, I could attempt to educate you in my specialty, Large Scale Fecal Management. If you were sufficiently enthusiastic, perhaps you could start a local movement.

TomD
2 months ago
Reply to  photog

Well then, you certainly have the need for large scale fecal management. You can’t have that running willy-nilly about the countryside scaring women and the easily startled!

Jason
Jason
2 months ago
Reply to  TomD

I see what you did there! I started, and finished, a “local movement” just this morning! And now I’m drinking coffee and might actually need another local movement a little later as a result.

Chemist
Chemist
2 months ago

“Necronomicon (or was it Comic-Con?)”
NecroComic-Con?
<Shudder>

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