23DEC2021 – OCF Update – Pre-Holiday Catastrophes

Here at the Compound we have threats and invasions on all sides.  A critter has gotten into the basement and the heating system is staging a revolt.  I woke up this morning to Camera Girl informing me with wide-eyed terror that she could hear footsteps in the basement.  There’s a dropped ceiling down there and a lurker in the darkness was making its presence felt.  I went downstairs with a flashlight, a rickety ladder, a two handed ax handle and steely determination but the invader escaped my every attempt.  I’m glad I watched Alien a few weeks ago.  I knew not to enter the air ducts without at least a flamethrower.  I have contracted with big game hunter Frank Buck to “bring ’em back alive.”  Actually I would prefer if he brings it back dead but whatever the prevailing animal ethics are I just want to restore Camera Girl’s joie de vivre.  I will confess that I hope it’s at least a racoon.  If somehow it could be a fisher cat that would provide me with some kind of rollicking adventure story for Christmas but the space is kind of limited.  More likely it’s a chipmunk.

The heating problem has been an ongoing saga.  On December 7th (a day that now does live in infamy) we had the power venter replaced.  This is a fan that exhausts the high temperature exhaust gases from a house without a chimney.  The unfortunate tech who performed this waged an unholy war against cramped space and dimensional constraints of the new unit.  But since the replacement it’s been one problem after another.  Yesterday we had an emergency visit at 9pm to correct a number of heating outages.  Today they continued and I exhorted the service provider that I needed his “top man.”  I envision a sort of Indiana Jones of HVAC technicians coming on the job and battling the forces of entropy to restore my heating system to alignment with Truth, Justice, the American Way and the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

So while I hold down the fort in anticipation of these rescue missions I look out on the wreckage that is Dementia Joe’s America.  Harpies threaten to have Joe Manchin burned at the stake for refusing to cough up some multi-trillions of dollars of spoils from our great grandchildren and bureaucrats threaten to fire anyone who refuses to capitulate to weekly vaccine injections.  These truly are the days of miracles and wonder.  One day soon we will look back on this period and wonder how in the world we allowed ourselves to be abused so badly by such evil men for so long for no good reason.

Well, I’ll have more interesting things to yammer about later but Indiana has arrived and the battle for combustion supremacy must be fought and lost before sundown.

Merry Christmas.


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Tyler, the Portly Politico

Here’s hoping you get the heating issue resolved quickly, photog. Did they ever send their “top man”?

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