Iron Lung (2026) – A Science Fiction Movie Review

Today I went to see “Iron Lung” with grandson prime.  He is a big fan of the writer/director and star of the movie Mark Fischbach or as he’s known on YouTube, Markiplier.  Mark has about 35 million followers on YouTube and leveraging that much support he was able to make the movie with his own money (~ three million dollars) and get it distributed to over 3,000 theaters in the United States.  It’s been in the theaters for a couple of weeks and has made already something like thirty million dollars.  Estimates say it’ll end up at forty million dollars.  After giving the theaters half of this he’ll get twenty million dollars which is six times what he invested; an unheard-of return on investment for a motion picture in this day and age.

All very interesting.  How was the movie?

(Spoiler Alert – Skip down to last paragraph to avoid spoilers and read recommendation)

Full disclosure.  This movie is not for anyone who doesn’t know the background “mythos” from the video game of the same name.  The visuals, the dialog, the “easter eggs” that the story revolves around will be difficult-to-impossible to understand without prior knowledge of the plot elements that only the die-hard fans of the game know beforehand.

The plot revolves around a convict being promised a reprieve if he will allow himself to be welded into a small submarine and dropped into an ocean of human blood that has been found on a “moon” somewhere out in interstellar space.  And this is being done in the hope that the convict will find something in this ocean to help explain and potentially remediate the result of the “Quiet Rapture.”  And what this refers to is the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of all the planets and stars that humanity had colonized in interstellar space.  The only humans remaining are one that were off-planet in space stations and ships.  This remnant of humanity is attempting to marshal its remaining numbers and resources to attempt to save the human race from extinction.

Once the prisoner (Simon) is submerged he looks for anything that could help explain the rapture.  And during his voyage he encounters harsh working conditions of the craft, hostile life, proof of the bad intentions of his mission handlers and the existence of some malevolent intelligence that is undermining his grasp on reality and even his sanity.

Eventually we discover that his handlers really never intended to rescue him at the end of the mission and we also discover that the intelligence he senses emanates from contact with the extra-dimensional creatures that killed off humanity and eliminated the stars and planets of our universe for the sake of their own plans for our space.  And the ocean of blood is all that remains of the murdered human race.

At the end, as both Simon and his handlers face destruction at the hands of these malevolent beings all he can do with his last efforts is eject from his submarine a flotation device carrying the records of what he’s discovered for the sake of some follow up mission that might try to use the knowledge gained to help mankind in some unspecified and apparently hopeless effort.

Wow, bleak!  As I said earlier, no one but fans of the creator of this movie will know what’s going on.  It’s too confusing and intentionally cryptic.  And talk about your depressing story.  This is the ultimate.  But at the same time there is a huge and enthusiastic fan base for just this story.  Mark’s viewers and the video game’s players are literally LEGION!  So, if you’re not in those categories you won’t and probably shouldn’t go to this movie.  And if you are you almost certainly will go and maybe several times with friends of the same persuasion for company.  And as I’ve said before this may be the beginning of a new way to make and target entertainment.  Gen Z likes its own things.  And they aren’t as interested as the Millennials in being preached to by movie studios about what they should like and what they shouldn’t.  And good for them.  The interesting thing is that Mark Fischbach wants to create more content that entertains his audience and produce other people’s stories for this audience.  Maybe I should send him my “screen play” for the “The Sniper.”

My Own Take on Super Sunday

I had to postpone my trip to see “Iron Lung” with my grandson.  We got another six inches of snow between yesterday and today and had to spend the day clearing it.  And I really think the meteorological profession is retrogressing.  A couple of days ago they said we would get a “dusting.”  Some dusting!  And unfortunately for me the wind was wild.  I ended up with an ice beard and a frozen face.  But it’s done and tomorrow morning we’ll see what cosmic horror lurks at the bottom of an ocean of human blood!  I’ve read a bunch of reviews and what I’ve gleaned is that this is an homage to the video game of the same name and anyone who isn’t a fan of the game will find it a bit long (maybe quite a bit too long).  But that’s okay.  It will give me a chance to hang out with my grandson afterward and find out what he especially liked about it.

Basically, this movie is sort of the “Star Wars” of his generation.  Because it’s for them.  It’s a nerdy touchstone that they bond over.  So, I want to show deference to their choice of insider totem.  I want to get a sense of what they enjoy.  Should be interesting.

Going through the news is becoming goofier every day.  Apparently, Trump called the Obamas monkeys in some kind of video meme.  I think CBS was angry that Trump hadn’t apologized.  Well, calling Obama a monkey is kind of insensitive to monkeys.  As far as I know monkeys treat all humans equally.  Whereas the Obamas are anti-white racists, which I consider much worse than monkeys.  They’re awful human beings.  I hope Trump apologizes to monkeys for comparing them to the Obamas.

There was another article stating that Starlink has been shut off in Ukraine and now the Russians can’t control their drones.  The article made it sound like the Russians were cut off because they didn’t have legitimate accounts with Starlink.  So, does that mean that Putin was doing what most people’s young adult children do when they use their parents’ Netflix and Disney Plus accounts?  The idea that this war in which hundreds of thousands of men have been killed is being run on pirated GPS usage just seems a bridge too far.  Is this really what’s going on?  What’s next?  Will we find out that ChatGPT has been drafted by Putin and is running the battlefield strategy?

And of course, tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday.  I guess it must be at least seven years since I’ve watched a Super Bowl.  And honestly, I can’t imagine why I’ll ever bother watching it again.  And that goes for all of professional sports.  All the virtue signaling over race and homosexual identity have made all of it nauseating and I’d rather watch a test pattern than endure their nonsense.  I did see that Anheuser-Bush has put together some commercial for the Super Bowl that involves a Clydesdale horse befriending a bald eagle.  Well, the only thing I could think of was, “Which one is a stand-in for Dylan Mulvaney?”  I don’t think horses and eagles are going to get Bud Light their customer base back.  Enjoy your Sunday.

With Extra Butter

Oldest Grandson is a fan of video games and of video game adjacent internet personalities.  There is a guy named Markiplier (well, technically that’s an alias) who has made a fortune playing video games on his YouTube channel and currently has something like thirty-seven million followers.  I’ve only ever watched a couple of minutes of his content and must confess I don’t see the attraction.  I guess it’s because I’m old.

Anyway, this guy decided to make a horror movie using his own money and then put it on 3,000 movie screens.  It cost him about $3 million to make.  And on its first weekend it’s made more than $18 million.

Now here’s the thing.  In Hollywood the catering budget for a movie that makes $18 million on its first weekend would cost more than $3 million.  Anyone who would be employed to open a movie of that size would make at least $5 million in Hollywood.  So just based on scale any movie made for less than $3 million is in a completely different league from Hollywood.  This movie couldn’t fail with the built in audience it has and almost any Hollywood movie can’t help but fail.  Even Forbes magazine is touting the new entertainment model that “influencers” like Markiplier has pioneered with his movie success.

So, this is the third movie I’ve heard of that made a bunch of money because someone with tens of millions of followers on line self-financed it and got his people to buy tickets.  Does this show us the future or is this just a blip while the streaming giants kill off or buy up Hollywood?  Maybe it’s a little bit of both.  Markiplier would never get his movie made by a Hollywood studio.  And Netflix and Amazon are frantically looking for content that won’t be ignored by the Zoomers.  I think what we’re beginning to see is a realization that creative types and Silicon Valley are going to have to blow up the Hollywood model with its bloated budgets and maniacal dependence on poorly written sequels of old intellectual properties.  They’re going to have to forget about making crap like “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy” or “Star Wars 37: Search for Obi Wan’s Lesbian Aunt.”

The kids around today want to watch stuff that speaks to them.  Some of it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to old people like myself.  But it doesn’t have to.  What they don’t want is corporate slop disguised as sequels to movies that their grandparents watched as kids.  And you really can’t blame them.  So next Saturday I’ll be going with Oldest Grandson to see “Iron Lung.”  And I’ll leave my expectations at the door and watch it with an open mind.  Maybe I’ll love it or hate it or just feel kind of confused.  But I’ll get a chance to see what the future looks like.  And at the very least I know there won’t be a girl-boss character.  Apparently, Markiplier Has 90% of the character face time in the movie.  And I’ve decided I’m going to splurge on the large popcorn.  With extra butter.