Tag: KENP

Fame and Fortune

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So yesterday I finally got my book onto Kindle Unlimited.  Huzzah!!!

An then I waited.  And I waited.  And I waited.  A day later the page counter for KENP stood at zero.  This seemed unpromising.  So, I closed down the laptop and did something else.

I took a juvenile milk snake that I found hiding under the famous copper sheet and shot a photo shoot of his best profile.  And then we had lunch and worked on some other projects.  I put an air conditioning unit in one of the windows and I started weeding the raspberry patch and I helped clean some kind of ooze that had accumulated on the new fish pond.

And when I checked the KENP after all that, the counter was at one!  Now that’s not one book that’s one page.  So, if a book pays me forty cents what does a page earn me?  Well, you can do the math.  If the book is about two hundred and fifty-two pages long then that page is worth 0.15873 cents in cold hard cash.  If Jeff Bezos took a penny and a pair of tin snips (zinc snips?) and did some rudimentary trigonometric calculations he could probably nip off an arc from the edge of the coin that would somewhat represent this hefty sum.  So, I shut down the laptop again and began to recalibrate my plans to purchase that summer home on Martha’s Vineyard.

I began reading some more of “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.”  You know this PKD is a very talented writer but I don’t think he spent a lot of his life smiling.  In fact, I think WWIII was probably one of the lighter topics he thought about.  He’s got the extinction of most animal species, widespread human chromosomal damage, widespread human brain damage and bizarre religious tendencies as the window dressing of his highly depressed main characters.  After a little of this I decided to take a break.  Apparently, this wasn’t going to be Harrison Ford and Daryl Hannah.  It’s going to be a lot less chirpy.  So, I got in touch with the First Selectman and arranged a special meeting to discuss my succession plan as his special assistant in charge of burying the bodies.  Unfortunately, the committee was unable to locate anyone stupid enough to agree to the position.  I came home a few hours later and checked my KENP counter.  It was seventeen pages.  That’s 2.6984 cents.  Well!  Now we’re getting somewhere.  At this rate I’ll be able to afford my favorite Dunkin Donuts donut (an old fashioned) by Fall.

And I think my addition to the Kindle Unlimited rolls has netted me my first troll.  He was pretending to be a fairly successful non-fiction author but was unaware that he wasn’t supposed to be a fiction author so his answers didn’t track with that.  I brought this to his attention and he started making incoherent sentences.  Well, what can you do?  Now that I’m on the road to fame and fortune everyone wants a piece of me.  J K Rowlings eat your heart out.

What’s KENP?

photog My Fiction, photog's Corner , ,

So, there are a lot of things going on.  I reached 500 reads on Royal Road but out of those 500 reads not a single comment or review was left.  And since I wanted to sign up for Kindle Unlimited, I had to shut down any sites that had e-books other than Amazon.  So, I deleted “The Sniper” from Royal Road and BookFunnel so that I could test out Kindle Unlimited for at least ninety days.  And of course, I’ve been checking Amazon to see how many KENP (Kindle Edition Normalized Pages) of the “The Sniper” have been read.  And, of course, a watched pot never boils.  But I also wonder if Kindle Unlimited will lower the number of e-books I’ll sell on KDP.  And now I’ll also have to figure out how to set up incentives and other come-ons that Amazon has thought up for the poor confused authors out there.

I started reading “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” today.  So right from the git-go PKD’s dystopia certainly has a lot of drugs to control the emotional state of its citizens.  Also, Rick Deckard apparently has a wife that doesn’t seem to like him at all.  He also seems to have artificial sheep.  So, this isn’t exactly Blade Runner so far.  But I’m a patient man and I’ll plow my way in hoping that Roy Baty shows up and offs the founder of the Tyrell Corporation and talks about attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.  I just hope it’s that cool.

I had my weekly coffee walk zoom with the boys.  One of them was inspired by my book and is now writing several short stories.  Kudos to him.  And we were talking about how the old firm has DEI’d itself into a disaster.  They chased out all the old white guys and now the DEI hires have had to hire them back as contractors because they don’t know how the systems work.  They waited so long to upgrade some systems that the hardware is now unavailable from the manufacturers and competency will be needed to replace it with currently available equipment.  But unfortunately, these DEI hires are completely incompetent so … “contractors!”  I told the boys to drive a very hard bargain and make sure the hourly rate is ridiculously expensive.  When the project shows up as a blinking red light on the C-Suite’s monthly checklist of “problems” it will be embarrassing and hilarious when they have to admit they don’t know how their own systems are supposed to work.  And that’s not going to be easy to explain to the FDA.  Being audited by the feds isn’t fun under the best of circumstances.  When you have to admit that product was thrown away due to out of spec conditions that’s a nightmare.  Well anyway.  We laughed and laughed.  The guy who got booted used to be a good guy.  Then he became a true believer in DEI.  After that he became intolerable and we all agreed that he got what he deserved.

Well, that’s enough for now.