Revenge of the Morbidly Obese Weather Girls

One should never mock the weather gods in New England.  Even if they happen to have blue hair and weigh in at half a ton.  Even after tax day you are never safe from snow until the Fourth of July (or is it Juneteenth now?).

And the worst part about it is that even though it’ll mostly melt later on today I have to clear the driveway to allow for safe passage of guests today.  Bring out the snow shovel.  Oh my aching back.  Damn you fat weather girls wherever you are.

Well, I don’t take back a single word of it.  If I’m going to have unearthly weather; snow in the summer or flaming meteors of bitumen I want it announced by a cheerful pretty woman who will gracefully point at the green screen and smile her blinding white smile.

 

Update:

So I finished my shoveling and decided to take a few photos of the weirdness.

 

 

Another Update:

Now you see it, and now you don’t

 

28MAR2021 – OCF Update – The Expedition to the Great Eastern Glacier

As you may know I am a climate heretic.  I not so much dismiss global warming as I cheer it on.  Living in the frozen hell of New England I look forward to the day when I may roam around my yard in early February in my speedo.  Unaccountably my neighbors aren’t as keen on my idea.

Be that as it may, the National Geographic Society contracted with me to fly aerial reconnaissance over the Great Eastern Glacier.  Since it is located in my front yard I agreed after the usual haggling over remuneration.  Here is that photo.

I marveled at its majesty and after landing on it and planting my flag I flew back to base.  Nature is truly humbling to behold.

 

Later I reconnoitered around the yard to see if anything was stirring.  During the week Camera Girl related running into the mallards on the pond and salamanders in her garden mulch but I saw none of these critters.  But in one of the gardens that my predecessor planted but that was swallowed up in the bramble area over time a few stray daffodils have already sprouted.

 

Whereas our planting is still getting started

 

And the reindeer moss is recovered from its winter funk.

 

 

So while I failed to witness the legendary mating ritual of the Southern New England Sasquatch that I had hoped to report on, nevertheless, much was achieved.  I was able to obtain measurements that prove categorically that the Great Eastern Glacier is certain to last for at least another 5,000 years.  Ice cores taken at a depth of 2.8 miles below the surface show that the legendary Kingdom of the Mole-Men has installed refrigeration equipment that will preclude any loss in glacial volume indefinitely.  Based on this data I am planning to construct a saw mill to provided cubed ice for the inhabitants of Papua New Guinea.  Since time immemorial the aboriginal highland inhabitants have been forced to drink their traditional summertime beverage mu-ba-bu at ambient temperature which in Papua New Guinea can be north of 110 degrees F.  Mu-ba-bu is a variety of fermented human brain fluid.  Predictably it has a very limited shelf life at ambient temperatures so access to really good cubed ice will be a revolution for the average Papua New Guinea house wife in regard to making the mu-ba-bu budget stretch.

The Blue Bird of Happiness Gets What’s Coming to Him for Living in New England

Exhibit A – Wednesday April 15th a beautiful sunny day

 

Exhibit B

A closeup of Mr. and Mrs. Bluebird redecorating one of Camera Girl’s deluxe blue bird apartments in the sky.

Exhibit C Saturday April 18th.

And the punch line as the happy couple take it in the teeth.

Late April in Southern New England

The moral of the story?  Global warming ain’t everything it’s cracked up to be.  Suffice it to say that for the next week or so the photo of the day will include a number of shots of spring flowers covered in show.

Nothing Says Spring Like a Blanket of Snow

We had a very warm, snow-free winter this year and now that it’s officially spring, the snow started coming down heavy this morning.  But I’m telecommuting today and don’t have to drive so why not?  There were five deer in the forest outside my living room window.  I was enjoying the view until the German shorthaired pointers joined me.  They started barking and scared the deer away.  But before the fearless defenders of the castle did their job, I was watching the deer feeding.  Apparently, there are enough new shoots on trees and bushes for the deer to browse on.  Yesterday the mallards returned to the swamp and grazed on the plant life that has been available since the pond thawed out two weeks ago.  Camera Girl saw a turtle swimming around over the weekend and the sound of the spring peepers has been noticeable lately.  I put up that photo of the first garter snake and the first bluebird has made an appearance at the feeder.  So even though it looks like January 23rd outside my window I’m not fooled.  Sure, we could still get the April Fool’s Nor’easter this year and even have to break out the snow blower one last time before moving the lawn mower to the front of the shed.  But spring is busting out all over the place.  This is just the spiteful spirit of annoying New England and its contrarian position against anything normal and happy.  But it won’t win.  We just have to be a little more stubborn than the powers of death and dissolution.  There’s snow on the ground but Spring’s in the air.

Spring Fever 2020

To the superstitious, pardon my use of the f-word in the title of this article.  I intend no pun.  I’m just anxious for spring to sweep away a very odd winter.  This has been an extremely warm and snowless one and now with the pandemic altering how we work and live I’m impatient for good weather to get me out of the house and make the world more interesting.

I’m tired of tv and the internet and want some real things to see and do.  I read that the Vernal Equinox will be March 19th.  This is the earliest it’s been in 124 years.  I guess that has something to do with this being a leap year.  So, this is the last week of winter.  In honor of that I’ll go out today and get a few photos of leaves budding and flowers sprouting and anything else that says spring.

Meanwhile I think I’ll look for some cheerful topics to write on.  I’m pretty bored with doom and gloom.  I’ll search for some activities that I haven’t been able to do since last year.  And that will put me in a better mood for writing.  So, excuse me for a while.  I’ll be back later this morning to see what new catastrophe has descended upon us.  But until then you all have my permission to go have some latest winter fun.

Spring. Rejuvenation. Rebirth. Everything’s Blooming. All That Crap.

I quote this deathless sentiment that George Constanza spoke when thinking of a way to postpone his upcoming nuptials.  As evidenced in my recent post of the mallard photo, life is returning to Southern New England.  This exhibits itself in a random walk up and down the thermometer and barometer.  We’ll have 70 degrees F followed by a foot of snow and back again in dizzying alternation.  It’s very much as if a spiteful nature deity is heaping abuse on the home of the staunchest believers in global warming.  Of course, we innocent bystanders also suffer but shoveling wet heavy snow is good for the soul.  Anyway, without a doubt, spring is in the air.  Plants and animals are stirring and even I, your ancient but faithful chronicler of all things interesting to the deplorable, is feeling 17% spryer.

So, in the interest of full disclosure I’ll be taking a little trip between the Sixteenth and Twenty First of March.  During this interval, I will be both frequently outside of wi-fi range and too occupied with death-defying heroics to post.  I will do my best to provide some content but I fear it will be sub-par in both quantity and quality.  I apologize in advance and beg your patience.  I am hopeful that the trip will provide a goodly stock of interesting photos and narrative.  Until then I will endeavor to provide the usual mixture of irascible political opinion, sophomoric parody, self-important book, music and film reviews and general harping on the foibles of human behavior.

And right on queue a foot of snow was dumped on us last night.  Apparently snow holds no terrors for the mallards but the weather gods are certainly making it difficult for me to get to work.  Guess I’ll just work from home today.

 

Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

Mallards on the Puddle in the Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

Mallards on the Puddle in the Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

Mallards on the Puddle in the Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

Mallards on the Puddle in the Aftermath of 07MAR2018 Snow Storm

 

 

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