The geniuses in Washington have made “Juneteenth” a federal holiday. First of all, Juneteenth? That’s a word? Couldn’t that also stand for June 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th, or 18th? Can I call July 11th Juleventh? And how would I know it doesn’t mean July 7th? And do we all get to pick a federal holiday now?
Frank Costanza made a strong case for Festivus (December 23). What with the feats of strength and airing of grievances it seems like a natural for the age we live in. And personally, I favor Colour Blindness Awareness Day (September 6) but could see people having their own favorites.
But Juneteenth? Isn’t that what Martin Luther King’s Birthday is for? How will the Puerto Ricans feel about this? And where will this leave the Tierra del Fuegians and the Patagonians? And what about the Eskimos?
Well, anyway here is my list of holidays from which to replace Juneteenth (special consideration to names in bold type):
February 27 National Pancake Day (USA)
February (first Saturday) Ice Cream for Breakfast Day
March 1 National Pig Day (USA)
March 10 or Friday of first full week Middle Name Pride Day
March 20 World Sparrow Day
March (First Saturday) National Corndog Day
April 1 Edible Book Festival
April 11 International Louie Louie Day
1st Saturday in May World Naked Gardening Day
May 4 Star Wars Day
May 25 Towel Day
May 26 National Paper Airplane Day
June (First Friday) National Donut Day
June 2 International Whores’ Day
June 24 Take Your Dog to Work Day
July 2 World UFO Day
July 26 Esperanto Day
September 6 Colour Blindness Awareness Day (my personal favorite)
September 19 International Talk Like a Pirate Day
September 22 Hobbit Day
September 28 Ask a Stupid Question Day
October 4 Cinnamon roll day
October 11 World Obesity Day
October 16 National Boss Day (Boss’s Day)
October 18 World Vasectomy Day
October 21 International Day of the Nacho
November 19 World Toilet Day
November (First Friday in November) Love Your Lawyer Day
December 14 Monkey Day
December 23 Festivus (for the rest of us)
Sorta like Easter falls on a floating day “the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Vernal Equinox”.
By similar logic Juneteenth occurs on the 3rd day after the fall of darkness over civilization.
There is a poetry to the level of stupidity in this. As an Italian American I demand a federal holiday called Badabing Day where we celebrate by watching the Godfather movies and Sylvester Stallone movies around the clock while eating pizza and calzones.
Actually, you only have the half of it.
The official name of the holiday is: “Juneteenth National Independence Day”.
So then, what is July 4th? Isn’t that “Independence Day?”
According to my free calendar from the bank, July 4th is indeed Independence Day.
So now we have two Independence Days?
Is there one day for blacks and one day for the rest of the country?
Am I the only one who thinks that this is just another way to divide the country by race?
The Republicans going along with this are cowards.