The geniuses in Washington have made “Juneteenth” a federal holiday. First of all, Juneteenth? That’s a word? Couldn’t that also stand for June 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th, or 18th? Can I call July 11th Juleventh? And how would I know it doesn’t mean July 7th? And do we all get to pick a federal holiday now?
Frank Costanza made a strong case for Festivus (December 23). What with the feats of strength and airing of grievances it seems like a natural for the age we live in. And personally, I favor Colour Blindness Awareness Day (September 6) but could see people having their own favorites.
But Juneteenth? Isn’t that what Martin Luther King’s Birthday is for? How will the Puerto Ricans feel about this? And where will this leave the Tierra del Fuegians and the Patagonians? And what about the Eskimos?
Well, anyway here is my list of holidays from which to replace Juneteenth (special consideration to names in bold type):
February 27 National Pancake Day (USA)
February (first Saturday) Ice Cream for Breakfast Day
March 1 National Pig Day (USA)
March 10 or Friday of first full week Middle Name Pride Day
March 20 World Sparrow Day
March (First Saturday) National Corndog Day
April 1 Edible Book Festival
April 11 International Louie Louie Day
1st Saturday in May World Naked Gardening Day
May 4 Star Wars Day
May 25 Towel Day
May 26 National Paper Airplane Day
June (First Friday) National Donut Day
June 2 International Whores’ Day
June 24 Take Your Dog to Work Day
July 2 World UFO Day
July 26 Esperanto Day
September 6 Colour Blindness Awareness Day (my personal favorite)
September 19 International Talk Like a Pirate Day
September 22 Hobbit Day
September 28 Ask a Stupid Question Day
October 4 Cinnamon roll day
October 11 World Obesity Day
October 16 National Boss Day (Boss’s Day)
October 18 World Vasectomy Day
October 21 International Day of the Nacho
November 19 World Toilet Day
November (First Friday in November) Love Your Lawyer Day
December 14 Monkey Day
December 23 Festivus (for the rest of us)