Festivus For the Rest of Us

The geniuses in Washington have made “Juneteenth” a federal holiday.  First of all, Juneteenth?  That’s a word?  Couldn’t that also stand for June 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th, or 18th?  Can I call July 11th Juleventh?  And how would I know it doesn’t mean July 7th?  And do we all get to pick a federal holiday now?

Frank Costanza made a strong case for Festivus (December 23).  What with the feats of strength and airing of grievances it seems like a natural for the age we live in.  And personally, I favor Colour Blindness Awareness Day (September 6) but could see people having their own favorites.

But Juneteenth?  Isn’t that what Martin Luther King’s Birthday is for?  How will the Puerto Ricans feel about this?  And where will this leave the Tierra del Fuegians and the Patagonians?  And what about the Eskimos?

 

Well, anyway here is my list of holidays from which to replace Juneteenth (special consideration to names in bold type):

February 27                                                        National Pancake Day (USA)

February (first Saturday)                               Ice Cream for Breakfast Day

March 1                                                                National Pig Day (USA)

March 10 or Friday of first full week        Middle Name Pride Day

March 20                                                             World Sparrow Day

March (First Saturday)                                   National Corndog Day

April 1                                                                   Edible Book Festival

April 11                                                                 International Louie Louie Day

1st Saturday in May                                        World Naked Gardening Day

May 4                                                                    Star Wars Day

May 25                                                                 Towel Day

May 26                                                                 National Paper Airplane Day

June (First Friday)                                            National Donut Day

June 2                                                                   International Whores’ Day

June 24                                                                 Take Your Dog to Work Day

July 2                                                                     World UFO Day

July 26                                                                   Esperanto Day

September 6                                                      Colour Blindness Awareness Day              (my personal favorite)

September 19                                                    International Talk Like a Pirate Day

September 22                                                    Hobbit Day

September 28                                                    Ask a Stupid Question Day

October 4                                                            Cinnamon roll day

October 11                                                          World Obesity Day

October 16                                                          National Boss Day (Boss’s Day)

October 18                                                          World Vasectomy Day

October 21                                                          International Day of the Nacho

November 19                                                     World Toilet Day

November (First Friday in November)     Love Your Lawyer Day

December 14                                                     Monkey Day

December 23                                                     Festivus               (for the rest of us)

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TomD77
5 months ago

Sorta like Easter falls on a floating day “the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Vernal Equinox”.

By similar logic Juneteenth occurs on the 3rd day after the fall of darkness over civilization.

Chemist
Chemist
5 months ago

Actually, you only have the half of it.
The official name of the holiday is: “Juneteenth National Independence Day”.
So then, what is July 4th? Isn’t that “Independence Day?”
According to my free calendar from the bank, July 4th is indeed Independence Day.
So now we have two Independence Days?
Is there one day for blacks and one day for the rest of the country?
Am I the only one who thinks that this is just another way to divide the country by race?