The “Real” Reason Romney is not Running for Re-Election

I just read as much as I could stand of an impossibly long article in the Atlantic about the “real” reason Mitt Romney is leaving the Senate.  Apparently he’s afraid that someone’s going to try and shoot him.

Well, I guess he knows best.  And then again maybe he just knows that this time around he’d lose in the primary.  That’s right, despite his assurances in 2012 that he was a severe conservative I think his track record has finally caught up with him, even in sympathetic Utah.  His fellow LDS brethren have figured out he’s a fraud and are getting ready to kick him to the curb.

So let’s chalk this up to Mitt seeing what happened to Liz Cheney and the other Never-Trumper Republicans and figuring he could save the money he’d otherwise lose and ride off into the sunset.  So he gave that phony baloney excuse about fear of assassination and will look for a blue state that needs a manager to help monetize whatever aspects of government they can before going bankrupt and become their governor.  California looks primed for a Mitt makeover.

I have to apologize.  Two Mitt articles in two days is a bit much.  But I figured everyone could use a laugh.  The image of Mitt Romney as some kind of martyr to his political convictions is too absurd not to produce at least a chuckle.  Instead of assassination I could imagine him being stalked by Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons who would dispense a Wet Willie, some noogies and maybe a Swirlie.  But nothing more dangerous than spoiling his make-up and hairdo.