Trump vs Day 2

President Trump (PT)  –  Oh my head.  What the hell was in that lousy champagne they served last night at the Inaugural Ball?  Tell that guy who provided the wine that he’s fired!

Vice President Pence (VPP) – That was the President of France, Mr. President.

PT – Exactly.  France is a loser country.  Very low energy.  We’ll rename Quebec, New France and use them instead for wine and cheese.

VPP – I don’t think you can grow wine grapes in Quebec.

PT – Then we’ll rename Louisiana, New France!  Stop making this difficult Mike.  I don’t want to have to ban you from the Oval Office.

VPP – Yes Mr. President.

PT -Okay, so now I’m president what’s next?

VPP – Well, traditionally, you provide Congress with your list of cabinet appointees for them to approve and begin oversight of the executive branch.

PT – How long does that take?

VPP – At least a few weeks?

PT – Weeks? And when do I fire all the Obama people and other people I don’t like?

VPP – Wouldn’t it be better to wait until your people are in place? That would minimize the amount of confusion and make the transition smoother.

PT – Smooth transition? Weeks of delay? Oh no, no, no, no, no. We need to shake these people up and put the fear of Trump into them. I’m gonna clear these free-loaders out tomorrow.

VPP – But you don’t have any staff. How are you going to do all that?

PT – Easy. You’re gonna do it for me.

VPP – But I don’t have any staff yet either. What can I do?

PT – You can type can’t you? You know how to look up the executive branch on Wikipedia don’t you? You’re gonna write a letter to each of the cabinet level heads saying he’s fired and I’m gonna sign them. Then you’re gonna write a letter to each of the department deputies and say if he doesn’t follow the executive orders I’m about to issue that he too will be fired and I’ll sign those. Then carbon copy the newspapers and media desks and send a copy to the joint chiefs of staff.

VPP – What do I look like? Your secretary?

PT – You got anything better to do Pence? Look, we don’t have a lot of time if we’re going to fix this government. I need to get things humming around here. If you don’t want to help, then go over to the VP mansion and start writing your memoirs. I’ll put an ad in the Pennysaver and hire a high school kid who wants a job. And in four years I’ll make him my next vice president. But tell me quick if you want to help because I’ve got a lot of work to do.

VPP – Uh, I’ll get my laptop and get started on the letters.

PT – Good. That sounds a lot less weak than your excuses. Tell the kitchen to send up some sandwiches and coffee.

VPP – Yes Mr. President.

PT – Oh and tell the Secret Service to change the locks and passwords on all the doors. Melania’s afraid that old pervert Biden will try to get back in and cop a feel.

VPP – Yes Mr. President.