(Scene 1 – White House West Wing)
President Trump (PT): Steve, who’s this guy Photog from Orion’s Cold Fire that you’ve put on my appointment calendar? Is he safe to see? He sounds like some kind of cult leader.
Stephen Bannon (SB): Mr. President, he’s a strange but brilliant man who has parodied your campaign and presidency in posts on his website.
PT: Oh, he’s that blogger nut that makes fun of me?
SB: Pretty much.
PT: What has he got on you? Pictures with a hooker.
SB: Not quite, just professional courtesy.
PT: All right send the jackass in.
Photog (PH): Hello Mr. President. It’s an honor to meet you.
PT: You have a funny way of showing it. Schmoopy? What the hell is that?
PH: Well Mr. President, it was a Seinfeld joke.
PT: Seinfeld? That guy hates me. He’s a total jerk!
PH: Well artists are a strange bunch.
PT: So, why are you here wasting my time? Don’t you know how much I’ve got going on?
PH: I do. But I know you’ve got a lot of capable staff to get it done so, I thought I would make some suggestions and hope for the best.
PT: Like what?
PH: Well, for one thing, I think you should be on TV.
PT: Hey Einstein, I just got off TV. I have a new gig. Maybe you’ve heard of it POTUS?
PH: Hear me out. I think you should have a weekly show. Each week you can speak directly to the American people. Give them a highlights reel of what’s happening. Tell them about some problem that you want them to know about. Maybe read a letter from one of them. Also, get them involved in some initiative. Maybe a contest or two based on the most popular suggestion or maybe the least crazy one. And make sure you give them a little good news every once in a while. You could even get some celebrities, the ones who aren’t against you to provide a little entertainment. Your first guests can be the New England Patriots. You’re supposed to congratulate them anyway. Might as well get some mileage out of that to start things off.
PT: Sounds kind of hokey.
PH: Hokier than the Apprentice or a beauty contest?
PT: Hmm. Good point. Well what else have you got?
PH: I think once you have two of your Supreme Court selections approved, you should get Congress to pass legislation outlawing affirmative action.
PT: Are you crazy? The women and the minorities will go crazy. It’ll star a civil war.
PH: Actually, it will avert one. Don’t you realize that you were elected because you addressed some of the grievances that white men are experiencing because of the same nonsense that allows the affirmative action travesty to continue? How is affirmative action anything but government mandated discrimination? Really, it’s time to end it.
PT: You’re a dangerous individual Photog.
PH: Quite the contrary, I think ending affirmative action could act to avert danger. Think of it as a relief valve to release some of the pressure building up among white men. There are forces on the right that are getting tired of the war against them. This might calm everyone down a lot. Plus, everybody would get the respect they deserve by earning it on the merits.
PT: I’ll think about it. Anything else?
PH: Yes. Change your image. Drop forty pounds. Lose the spray-on tan and go with a razor cut. You’ve got to look more professional.
PT: All right that’s enough. Don’t call me I’ll call you. Maybe.
PH: Goodbye Mr. President.