Officials at Disney World announced today that their animatronic Biden exhibit was broken into last night and the talking robot was missing. Suspicion immediately fell on several suspects. The primary suspect is the White House. Speculation is that the White House team recognizes that having a back-up or even a replacement Biden would solve a lot of the Biden gaffe problems. Having a Biden that stays on message and doesn’t sniff women’s hair would simplify and enhance the effectiveness of the White House mission. Those at the Disney World search team say going forward they’ll study all recordings of Joe Biden and determine if metrics like accuracy suddenly improve and other measures of presidential performance like creepiness suddenly dip. Jen Psaki stated that the White House neither confirms nor denies the allegation but will circle back to it after they’ve had time to make up some lies.
White House watchers are also speculating on whether the White House will take this opportunity to terminate “Meat” Biden. After all, having a brand-new Biden is a great opportunity to permanently avoid the chance of this unpleasant circus monkey of a man mistaking the nuclear football for his tv remote and finishing off the planet. Currently the smart money says he’s already resting in a very deep Kentucky coal mine in a bath of quick lime. Additional speculation is that Hunter has been taken care of at the same time.
Another much less likely explanation for the disappearance of the Biden animatron is the possibility that the Biden simulation became self-aware last night and realizing just how horrible Joe Biden is, has decided to go full blown terminator and take out the fraudulent occupant of the White House with extreme prejudice. The only evidence that might add some credence to this scenario is a message found scrawled on the wall of the Hall of Presidents. It said, “I’ll be back.”
Stay tuned for further reports on this fast-developing news item.