Camera Girl and I are huddled together over mugs of tea trying to stave off hypothermia. The heating system finally gave up the ghost last night and the house has settled down to ambient temperatures. We slipped below fifty-five degrees a little while ago and I’ve begun to understand how the Donner party got to where they did. I got off the phone with the “tech manager” a while ago and she was very sympathetic to my plight. I didn’t swear at the woman so that speaks well of me but I did question the competency and integrity of the company. Their pre-recorded message that plays while you’re on hold tells me that they are growing by leaps and bounds and have branches from Vermont to Delaware. Thinking about the viability of every state in that area doesn’t increase my confidence in the business model or mission statement of the “Company.”
This stream of consciousness post is meant to document my descent into cold induced dementia. Now I can fully understand Joe Biden. His brain is frozen and no meaningful thinking can occur. I forgive him for everything except for the child sniffing and for his cruelty to Corn Pop. Soon I will send Camera Girl off to one of her daughters’ houses to survive. I will stay here and sacrifice myself as a protest against the cruelty and incompetence of “Big Oil” or, more accurately, “Small Oil.”
My only regret is that I couldn’t live to see Liz Cheney drummed out of the Republican Party and booted out of Congress. Wait, that’s not true. There are other things I wish I could have lived to see. For instance:
- Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, AOC and Liz Cheney forced to work as Amway reps.
- The ZMan move out of Lagos on the Chesapeake
- Joe Biden audibly fart during the State of the Union address.
- Kamala Harris run away screaming at a press conference and never be heard from again.
- Lori Lightfoot, Anthony Fauci, Beto O’Rourke and Bill deBlasio arrested for impersonating human beings.
- The Mario Cuomo Bridge renamed the Tappan Zee Bridge, Andrew Cuomo renamed Tappan Zee and Chris Cuomo legally renamed Fredo.
- The Squad deported to wherever anyone is willing to take them.
- Fredo, Don Lemon, Rachel Maddow, Joe Scarborough, Anderson Cooper and Chris Hayes forced by court order to serve for five years as dunk tank clowns in a travelling carnival.
Tell the world my story.