Bash: Hi, I’m Dana Bash and I’m here with Vice President Kamala Harris and Governor Walz and this is the first CNN interview for her presidential campaign.
Walz: That’s right Dana. It’s the first!
Bash: That’s right Governor. That’s right. Madame Vice President, how would you describe the direction that your campaign is taking now that the convention is over?
Harris: I would describe it as joyful Dana.
Walz: That’s right Dana, joyful. Full of joy.
Bash: Okay. Full of joy. That’s good. But is there any more, uh, concrete policy statement or theme to the campaign.
Harris: Yes Dana. Without a doubt. My administration will use all of the resources of the federal government to find, prosecute and imprison that guy that made the compilation of me saying, “unburdened by what was.” Anyone who would belittle and mock a woman of color who is also Vice President of the United States is obviously a racist and a misogynist.
Walz: Uh, wait a minute.
Harris: Hey, I’m talking here Tim!
Walz: Yes, Madame Vice President. But…
Harris: But nothing! And not only will we convict and possibly execute this monster…
Walz: Execute? Wait a minute.
Harris: Shut up Walz! I’m going to find everyone who shared this video and arrest them. And then I’ll find anyone who watched it and arrest them too. They must all pay.
Bash: Madame Vice President, maybe you remember how President Biden’s debate performance had a very deleterious effect on his re-election campaign. Basically, not being able to answer simple policy questions or even speak in complete sentences caused the American people to doubt his competency to continue as president for another term. What the American people want to know is how they can trust you to tell them the truth about all the important events and policy questions that presidents handle if you withheld the important fact that Joe Biden was a dementia patient for most or all of his term? How can they find you trustworthy?
Harris: Trustworthy. When we say that someone is trustworthy, we are saying that that person is worthy of trust. And a person who is worthy of trust is trustworthy. And that is what I am. I am a trustworthy person who is worthy of trust. That’s what I am. And the American people can see a future of me being trustworthy unencumbered by a past where I didn’t tell them that Joe Biden was a little bit demented.
Walz: Okay, that’s enough. I can’t do this anymore. I’m willing to do that tour in Iraq now. Anything rather than listen to any more of this. I thought I could just ignore the idiocy. After all I made believe that BLM was a legitimate cause and that letting them burn down Minneapolis and St. Paul was a reasonable thing for a governor to do. But listening to Kamala Harris for four years would land me in an asylum. (STALKS OFF STAGE).
Bash: In light of current events should we maybe postpone this interview until a later date?
Harris: I can imagine 2028 unencumbered by memory of this interview. Maybe 2032?