Canada, Greenland, Panama Canal.  Deal or No Deal?

When I was a kid one of my best friends was crazy.  He was wired so that whenever the opportunity arose, he was ready and willing to poke a beehive (metaphorically).  He possessed a razor-sharp wit that had only one track; hilariously cruel mockery.  He could mimic and belittle anyone or anything.  The problem was he never selected his targets based on the blowback he could expect.  And so there were very serious consequences; beatings, expulsions from schools and youth organizations and vendettas of various sorts.

I think Donald Trump has a similar knack.  Going all the way back to the days of “Little Marco” Rubio and “low energy” Jeb, Trump has demonstrated that making his opponents look ridiculous is completely in his wheelhouse.  Does this explain his recent statements about annexing or buying Canada, Greenland and the Panama Canal Zone?

I guess we’ll have to try and sort these things out.

Let’s start with Canada.  For starters, geographically speaking Canada is the second largest country on planet Earth.  With a population of about 40,000,000 it’s only slightly more populous than California and it is mostly quite cold.  But it obviously has plenty of natural resources and potential.  But it is kind of a real country so how exactly does it become part of the United States?  Well, obviously it doesn’t.  Right now, the Justin Trudeau and his Liberal Party are the extremely unpopular majority party with him as prime minster.  After the various COVID debacles and the following downturn in the economy, the Conservatives are expected to win the 2025 elections and send Trudeau packing.  Now I have to assume that any Canadian politician who gave a positive response to this suggestion by Trump would be voted out of office during the next election.  Who knows, maybe the Canadian parliament might vote to impeach him immediately just to punish such a thing.  But I don’t think there’s a chance in the world of Canada agreeing to join the United States unless the Gates of Hell opened up in Ottawa and it was the only way to prevent their annihilation.  So why would Trump say such a thing.  Of course, because he was taunting Trudeau.  And in this case what could be the consequences to him?  None.  Canada has no leverage over the United States and serves as the impotent straight man to any jibes that Trump cares to make.  So, let’s just say this one is just rhetoric.  It’s just like my boyhood friend exhibiting a penitent for cruel mockery.

Then how about Greenland?  Now this is a totally different animal.  It is the largest island in the world but only about 50,000 people live there, mostly Inuit.  Apparently, Denmark; the current owner of the island doesn’t know what to do with it.  They have white guilt over colonizing it a thousand years ago and want to give it back to the Inuit.  So, Trump talking about buying it is actually a doable thing.  Currently most of it is covered by glaciers.  But if the ice continues to melt the way it is going someday this could be a very valuable piece of real estate.  Also, the probable quantities of natural resources (including fresh water) are almost incalculable.  So, let’s call this one more than just rhetoric.  Let’s attribute it to Trump’s love of a good deal at a good price.  I think he’s serious about this one.

Now, what about the Panama Canal Zone?  I think we can call this saber rattling against the Chinese.  Chinese commercial interests in Panama may be related to very large increases in the cost of using the canal for shipping.  Saying we should take it back may be Trump’s way of threatening the Chinese with a fight they can’t win if they take advantage of American companies using the canal.  Does that mean he wouldn’t actually take back the canal by force?  Well, nothing is impossible but I would rate it as extremely unlikely.  Blockading it, on the other hand, might be something he would do.  So, let’s call this one a special case where the rhetoric has some basis in reality.

And finally, what other bargains remain out there for Donald Trump to annex?  Mexico?  Australia?  Japan?  Well, who can say?  Mexico would actually make some sense.  Not as a state but as a protectorate.  We could crush the drug gangs and rebuild Mexico as a client state with our own puppet government installed to allow for its people to live decent lives.  But honestly it would be more work than it would be worth to us.  Better to build a wall four hundred feet tall and a hundred feet deep with laser-armed drones guarding it.

And the rest of the world?  Look we have enough problems with our own people.  Mr. Trump, I know you like a deal but how about just reclaiming our own country.  Is it a deal?

 Loading ...