Trash TV – 2026

When I watched a few episodes of the tv show Yellowstone, I reflected that this was a night time soap like Dallas and the other shows of that era.  And I had always made a point of avoiding those.  And even though Camera Girl adopted it for our viewing pleasure(?!), I did it under protest.  Sure, it had some pretty decent country music and some of it was amusing but it was pretty trashy and absurd.

So fast forward a few years and mercifully Yellowstone has expired and other than some spinoffs that I was lucky enough to escape I was trash tv free.  But I saw a commercial that previewed a show by the same creator as Yellowstone (Taylor Sheridan) that seemed to involve an aspect of American life that was more realistic(?) than the cattle ranches of Yellowstone.  It was called Landman.  It starred Billy Bob Thornton and was about the oil industry.  Specifically, it was about the Texas Oil Patch and the people who work it.  So, a year or two went by before I decided to look into this show.  And since I wanted to start at the beginning, I had Camera Girl go to the local library and check out the DVDs for the first season.

Well, yesterday we watched the opening episode and it starts with Thornton (as Tommy Norris) with a hood over his head handcuffed to a chair in an industrial building being guarded by a Mexican cartel thug.  Norris is a “landman.”  He’s the oil company’s fixer who handles everything from negotiating with the cartels who own the land over the company’s mineral rights to paying off widows when their husbands have been incinerated in a well explosion.  So basically, this is only slightly less crazy than the Yellowstone scenario where a livestock law enforcement agent has helicopter gun-ships and assault vehicles.

And yet.  I really kind of liked it.  Now don’t get me wrong.  It’s definitely a night time soap.  Thorton’s character has an ex-wife who reminds me of Peggy from “Married with Children” and a half naked 17-year-old daughter who shows up at her father’s doorstep with her boyfriend and is insufferable.  But he also has a son who’s working as a roughneck to learn his father’s business and someday make his fortune.  And the male-centric atmosphere of the oil patch is such a breath of fresh (or smoky) air that I find myself enjoying Billy Bob’s angry, obscene outbursts whenever anyone objects to his smoking, swearing or other anti-social behaviors.  One of my favorite scenes like this occurs when Norris is at the hospital where his son is recovering from proximity to an explosion that killed the rest of his team.  Billy Bob smashed the end of his pinky finger while trying to close a valve with a wrench and a hammer.  The ER doctor wants him to head for a reconstructive surgeon but the patient says he hasn’t got time and wants the mangled tissue removed and what’s left stitched up.  The doctor says no surgeon would do that so Billy Bob takes out his pocket knife and cuts off the mangled flesh and then repeats his request for the doctor to clean up what was left.  Now how can you not love that?

Anyway, we watched the second episode today and liked that too.  And the soundtrack has some decent country music.  So, I’m back in the trash tv world for the foreseeable future.  Bless you Taylor Sheridan!

Cleaning Up the Wreckage

For years people have said in my presence that despite the leftist leanings of Hollywood, the people running it were there to make money.  But despite that I watched as Hollywood produced bomb after bomb that preached the leftist creed above all other ingredients in the film.  They sacrificed entertainment, artistry and certainly profitability on the altar of woke propaganda.  Probably the most egregious of these studios was Disney that sacrificed the virtually unlimited money-making machines of such franchises as Star Wars, Marvel Comics and even the classic Disney princess movies to bang away at woke agenda elements like LGBTQ identity, anti-white racism and feminist dogma.

Well, maybe, just maybe, the tide has turned.  I think this week we received two data points that signal a definite reversal.  The first is the news today that Sky Dance has cancelled the third season of “Star Trek – Starfleet Academy.”  This was a two-season installment that has been estimated to have cost somewhere between two hundred and four hundred million dollars.  Now that is an enormous amount of money but what makes it astonishing is that when this show ran it wasn’t one of the top ten shows on Paramount Plus.  It was regularly beaten out by reruns of “Everyone Loves Raymond” and “Sponge Bob Square Pants.”  In fact, it was even worse than this.  In order to build up buzz for the first episode, it was put on YouTube for free and less than a thousand people watched it the first day.  Think about that.

Paramount was bought by Skydance last year so they didn’t order this show.  And the production company (Alex Kurtzman’s Secret Hideout) is finishing its contract with Paramount in April and it’s looking like they won’t be doing anymore Star Trek for Skydance.  And Skydance is probably going to purchase Warner Brothers this year and that may have a very great impact on how the DC Universe movies look going forward.  So, there is an example of changing sensibilities going forward in Hollywood.  Enormous costs for productions that no one wants to watch are ending.  So that’s the negative case, what won’t be happening anymore.

As for what is happening on the positive side let’s look at what Amazon/MGM have released this week.  Andy Weir (the author of the book turned movie “The Martian”) wrote the book “Project Hail Mary” in 2021.  It cost two hundred million to make.  It made $141 million on its first weekend.  This is one of the biggest openings in the last four years.  And it is predicted to be a big hit.  It’s a movie whose only human character is a white male.  The only diversity casting is an alien creature that looks like a pile of small rocks.  There’s no woke elements at all.  Just an adventure story about a man light years from Earth cooperating with an unearthly creature to save both of their planets.  From all of the reviews I’ve read it’s a solid movie that the whole family can and probably will enjoy and it doesn’t say anything about the LGBTQ or how white people stole America from the Indians or enslaved black people.  And the fact that the astronaut is not a girl boss but a young white man I take to be aspirational for every white American boy who has been told for the last couple of decades that they shouldn’t get a turn at being the good guy.  So that’s the positive side.  Hollywood can make good movies and people will come to the theaters to see them.  And they can make money doing it.

Maybe the tide has turned.

The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Episode 07 – Better Living Through TV

This is one of the episodes where Ralph comes up with a get rich quick scheme and drags Norton in with him.  In this case Ralph has found a deal where he can buy two thousand kitchen multi-purpose tools which can do anything from opening a can to coring “a” apple.  He can buy them for ten cents a piece and sell them for a dollar.  When Norton complains that selling two thousand tools would take forever Ralph reveals the rest of his master plan.  For a hundred dollars he and Norton can advertise the tool on television and sell all of the tools at once.

After battling Alice for his share of the needed money Ralph and Norton are ready to do their commercial.  They practice a script where Norton is the “Chef of the Past” and shows how it takes all of these separate kitchen tools to do his work and Ralph is the “Chef of the Future” who will demonstrate the handy-dandy all-in-one tool.  But before they can finish their practice the station manager tells them that their commercial has been moved up and they were going on next.

But unfortunately, Ralph develops paralyzing stage fright.  And between his bug eyes, his hopeless stammering and his complete inability to speak or successfully core “a” apple, the commercial is a complete failure.  The ending is Ralph tries to open a can and stabs himself in the hand and ends up knocking over the wall of the tv kitchen.

The whole thing sounds like a terrible mess but I think this is one of the best episodes in the whole series.  Alice, Ralph and Norton are at the top of their game and Norton’s hammy acting on the commercial and Ralph’s panic are the perfect combination for the complete collapse of Ralph’s get-rich-quick scheme.  And as Norton put it, “Another proof of a happier life through television.”

The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Episode 06 – The Sleepwalker

This is a very simple story.  Ed Norton is walking in his sleep and because of this Ralph is being forced by Alice and Trixie to go out on the roof and lead him back to bed.  But Ralph is apoplectic because of all the sleep he’s losing.  The climax of the story has Ralph sleeping in Ed’s bedroom to prevent him from sleepwalking but even in his sleep Norton is too clever for Ralph and escapes.  Finally Ralph summons a psychiatrist to get to the root of Norton’s problem and after being administered Pentothal he regresses to his childhood and we find out that he is pining for his lost dog Lulu.  The psychiatrist thinks Norton should be psychoanalyzed for several months to ascertain the correct treatment but Ralph dismisses him and says he’s going to get Norton a dog to replace the lost Lulu.

In the final scene Trixie has come down at midnight to thank Ralph for his idea about the dog and to announce that Norton and Lulu are upstairs sleeping like babies.  After she leaves Ralph announces that he should have been a psychiatrist and that he’s going to have some warm milk and get a good night’s sleep.  But as Alice goes to put a milk bottle outside their door Norton sleepwalks in carrying Lulu.

Now this is a very minor episode with a very limited appeal.  The scenes with Norton sleepwalking are mildly amusing but nothing more.  I’d call this one of the weakest episodes in the series.  Lulu!

The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Episode 5 – A Matter of Life and Death

This episode is basically a comedy of errors.  The same week that Ralph goes for a physical examination at his doctor, Alice’s mother’s dog Ginger is brought to the vet by Alice.  Alice hides the vet visit from Ralph because it cost ten dollars and she knows Ralph will resent the expense.  When the vet’s report is delivered to the house Ralph assumes it’s his diagnosis.  The report says the patient has only six months to live due to a condition called arterial monochromia.  His symptoms will be loss of hair and blue tongue.  It is recommended that he be kept comfortable on the floor near the stove for warmth and given a daily pill with a saucer of milk.

After lamenting his fate he decides that he must provide for Alice by selling his sad story to the newspapers, thus providing her with $5,000 in her bereavement.

And unbelievably he is successful in his plan although the newspaper warns him that if he doesn’t die in six months they will prosecute him for fraud.  Eventually Alice gets wind of the plan and when she reads the vet’s report she starts laughing hysterically and tells him it’s the dog’s diagnosis and that arterial monochromia is called by excessive scratching at fleas..

Ralph is at first ebullient when he finds he’s not dying but immediately panics when he realizes he may be sent to prison for fraud.  Of course he immediately comes up with another scheme.  With Norton dressed in a checked jacket, wearing glasses and carrying a doctor’s bag the boys head for the newspaper office where they inform them that a miraculous therapy will cure Ralph.  He returns the check and heads for the door.  But the editor raves that this story is even better than the old one and begins pumping “Dr. Norton” for details of his medical history.  Of course disaster ensues and finally Ralph has to admit that he mistook the report from a veterinarian for his own diagnosis.

All turns out well when the paper realizes that a story making fun of Ralph’s stupidity will be more entertaining than the original story.

I believe the highlight of the episode is Norton finding Ralph fainted upon the floor and believing him to have died suddenly.  He starts mourning for the poor little fat kid who’ll never wear his little hat or his little socks and finally he picks up a pair of Ralph’s pants and says. “He’ll never wear these little pants again” as he spreads out the huge pants across the screen.

Definitely a good episode all around.  And I believe Doctor Norton may have been the inspiration for Cosmo Kramer’s Dr Van Nostrand.

Even If You Are from Queens

At long last the abysmal presidency of zombie Joe Biden is finally about to end.  His re-animated corpse has been submerged in a large bottle of formaldehyde and all the pardons have been printed out and prepared for publication.  And now that they’re making up constitutional amendments out of whole cloth maybe we’ll find out that cats have been given citizenship just so the blue-haired crazy women will have another victory to embrace.

But the imminent departure of Biden has me considering the Trump phenomenon.  Even David Brooks had to grudgingly admit that “Trump is the most consequential politician since Reagan.”  And he means that negatively in that the American people have chosen Trump for the things that Brooks thinks are faults.  Well, what can you expect from David Brooks?

And you know, for most people the idea of Trump being part of our political world only began with 2016.  But I remember when Trump was trying to involve himself in politics as a young man in New York City.  It was back in the mid-eighties and New York was, as usual, broke and the skating rink in Central Park had completely disintegrated through neglect and there was no money in the budget to fix it.  Ed Koch was mayor and he was trying to spin some plan for Albany to pay for it but they wouldn’t bite.  Now this was about the time the city was going into another decline.  Violence was starting to resurface after a lull in the early eighties.  I think that maybe Trump was thinking of running for mayor or something.  Well, he volunteered to rebuild the rink and pay for it himself.  And he did, under budget and on schedule.  But New York City had not yet hit bottom.  It wasn’t ready for a Republican.  That would happen after New York’s first black mayor, David Dinkins unleashed anarchy on the streets of New York.  And that proved to be Rudy Giuliani’s time to fix the city.  But he had a lawman’s background as a prosecutor.  And he knew that the police would be the key to saving New York City.  So, Donald Trump retreated to his business and his entertainment projects.

But thirty years later he decided that if someone as talentless as Barack Obama could be president for eight years then he could easily figure out the ropes himself and get something done for America.  And he did.  But why?

I think I understand a little bit what motivates him.  He’s a twentieth century New York City American.  I also am one.  Of course he came from money.  But not old money.  His ancestors and mine came to the United States at about the same time.  He and I lived in New York City at the same time.  Of course, I came from the more interesting borough of Brooklyn and he came from Queens which as far as I’m concerned is more like part of Long Island but whatever, we both were part of twentieth century New York City which was the heart of twentieth century America.  And we both watched it degraded from the capitol of the world to a dirty, poor, crime-ridden refugee camp.  So, I think I know what he means when he talks about making America great again.  He’s talking about restoring the people and the ethos that catapulted the United States to the status it had in 1945.

He wants to make a deal with the descendants of the people who fought World War II.  If they’ll vote for him, he’ll save their grandchildren from the globalists who want to replace them with the third world.  It’s really a pretty simple concept.  Now I don’t know if he simply feels kinship with these people or if he sees an opportunity to capitalize on an underutilized resource (us).  Either way it’s the best deal we’ll ever get.  And at the same time, it’s a kick in the teeth for the Left and for the Bushes and Romneys.  Win, win.

So, thank you Donald Trump.  As an old neighbor of yours I salute you for lending a hand.  Even if you are from Queens.

The End of Yellowstone

So, something happened to Yellowstone.  I think Kevin Costner got sick of playing cowboy “JR” and quit.  Well, good.  It’s a bizarre nighttime soap with a cast of characters that run the gamut from absurd, to revolting to demented.  Now granted, the visuals of Montana and the use of excellent non-mainstream country music does make watching the show interesting from time to time.  But it’s still a weird and wacky cartoon in my opinion.  But Camera Girl loves her some psycho-drama.  So of course we’re in.

And the current situation does appear to be headed for a small screen Armageddon.  The first episode opens up with John Dutton (Costner’s character) dead of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound in the Montana Governor’s mansion.  His insanely driven daughter Beth and his likeable son Kayce converge on the scene to plan what to do about the death of their father.  But Beth is already sure that the death is murder set in motion by their adopted brother Jamie.

And she’s right.  The flashbacks show that Jamie is in cahoots with a vixen from a hedge fund company that will do anything including murder to get their hands on Dutton’s land to build a resort and airport complex.  And we see deals being made with black ops contractors and other ridiculous things.

Okay, so this could be a lot of fun.  I already know how I think this will end.  Kayce Dutton’s son is half Indian.  I’m guessing the ranch becomes a Native American possession with Kayce as the steward of the land on behalf of his son.  It goes along with a bunch of anti-colonial jibber jabber that Kayce’s wife was spouting a couple of years ago.

But the fun will be a full-fledged shooting war between the Dutton Ranch and the bad guys.  Who knows, there could even be tanks and helicopters with sidewinder missiles.  Kayce is the head of the livestock police (really?) and apparently that gives him access to armored vehicles and other military grade equipment.  He’s not just the dog catcher.

There will be bullets and rocket propelled grenades and all kinds of ridiculous stuff going on.  And as a finale Beth has sworn a blood oath that the last thing Jamie sees before he dies is Beth laughing at him.  Now that I’d like to see.  Because it is the outcome that the show has been working up to from the beginning.  Beth is barking-at-the-moon crazy but Jamie is a cowardly, smarmy, disloyal worm and seeing him get terminated by Beth will be enormously cathartic.  Of course, I’m pretty sure Beth and a bunch of other characters will probably end up dead too.  But that would make the whole crazy thing a little less improbable.  So sure, why not?

So, bring it on, bring it on, bring it on.  Let the lead fly and let all the cowboys, cowboy up.  We’re headed for the last roundup and when the dust settles all the black hats will be pushing up daisies and one cowboy and one Indian and their son will be left living happily ever after.  How can you not love that?  Well, sorta.

The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Episode 4 – A Woman’s Work Is Never Done

In this episode Ralph berates Alice for some small housework chores that she neglected to do.  She explains how busy she was but he won’t hear what she’s saying.  He threatens to introduce a demerit system to highlight her deficiencies.  Alice tells Ralph she’s fed up with his ingratitude and declares that she is going to get a job and with her salary hire a maid to do the housework.

When they go to the employment agency the manager explains that due to the shortage of domestic help the maids have become very independent and unless their employers accede to all their requirements and exceptions, they refuse to accept assignments.  Then we meet the available maid, Thelma.  She’s taller than Ralph and looks extremely strong.  She tells the Kramdens that she doesn’t do heavy jobs like windows and floors because she’s “sickly.”  But when she hands Ralph her suitcase to carry for her, its unexpectedly extreme weight drags him down to the ground and he exclaims sarcastically, “Sickly!”

Thelma resists most of Ralph’s demands for her to assume a genteel and respectful manner of addressing him.  When Ralph attempts to get her to address Norton and himself politely she mockingly refers to them as, “the simp and the blimp.”  When this causes Ralph to explode in anger she quits and leaves.

Now Ralph is forced to do the housework himself since Alice has found a job at the local bakery as the jelly donut stuffer.  He tries to recruit Norton to help him with the backlog of chores but they both prove hopelessly inept.  Finally, he decides to try and flatter Alice about her appearance in the hope that she will agree to quit her job and resume her wifely duties.  After being rebuffed for his obvious flattery Ralph is forced to admit that housework is harder than his job and begs Alice to come back.

This is one of my favorite episodes.  Alice has one of the best lines in the series.  While sarcastically pretending how much she enjoys mopping the floors and washing the windows she mocks the outdated appliances in the apartment.  She says she is so thrilled with having an atomic kitchen.  She explains that she calls it that because, “It looks like Yucca Flats after the blast.”  Which is referencing the American nuclear testing in the desert southwest in the 1950’s.

In general Ralph’s imperious behavior toward Alice sets the pattern for their relationship.  Alice comes off as the reasonable wife but Ralph is demanding and unreasonable.  Invariably he gets knocked down a couple of pegs and has to swallow his pride and apologize to Alice.  And although this does make him a sort of straw man for Alice to pummel, Ralph manages to make the whole spectacle hilarious and entertaining.  And between the physical comedy, the battle of the sexes and the machinations that Ralph and Norton always resort to, the half hour almost always entertains.  Highly recommended.

The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Episode 3 – The Golfer

In this episode we are introduced to Ralph’s unending search for a gimmick to reach success in business.  He has been spreading a rumor at the bus company that the executive (Mr. Harper) who is choosing the new assistant traffic manager is a good friend of his and will pick Ralph for the job.

But when the other bus drivers realize that Ralph is the source of the rumors they break out into derisive laughter and one of them informs Ralph that Harper doesn’t even know that Ralph exists.  Ed Norton is having lunch with Ralph and hears about Ralph’s embarrassment.  Norton encourages Ralph to strike up a conversation with Harper and try to make a personal connection with the executive in order to increase his chances for the assistant traffic manager’s job.  So when Harper happens by Ralph tries out Norton’s advice and by lying about his golfing abilities (he has none but claims to be a pro) he catches Harper’s interest.

Norton erroneously assumes Ralph is serious about wanting to play Harper and backs Ralph into a corner that sets up a golf game between Ralph and Harper for the next morning.  When Harper leaves Ralph explodes at Norton for setting up the game.  He tells Norton that he can’t play at all and the game will expose Ralph as a complete fraud.  But Norton assures him that with a good book on learning golf and Norton’s help he should be able to convince Harper that he is a good golfer.

And this sets up the scene that is the highlight of the show Ralph and Norton trying to learn how to play golf in Ralph’s kitchen with an old golf club,  a round cloth pin cushion for the ball and Norton’s interpretation of the words of this “How to Play golf in One Easy Lesson” handbook.

And they get pretty good physical comedy mileage from that setup.  Ralph copying Norton’s hip gyrations while “addressing” the ball is enough to give Alice the best line of the show.  Alice arrives home just as Ralph is performing his limbering moves.  Seeing her he says, “I’m practicing golf.”  She replies, “Is that what it is?  The way your backfield was in motion I thought it was football.”

Alice’s discouraging words shake Ralph’s confidence and he comes to realize just how hopeless a situation he’s in.  But a miracle intervenes.  One of the other executives shows up at Ralph’s home and informs him that Harper injured himself and can’t play the next day.  But instead of gracefully accepting this stroke of luck he plays up how much he wanted to play Harper and of course the executive decides to take Harper’s place on the links with Ralph the next day.  After the executive walks out the door Ralph looks at Alice and says, “Well, Alice you’ve got to admit one thing.  I’ve got a biiiiig mouuuuth!”  End of episode.

So this whole episode is just an excuse for watching Ralph and Norton performing one of their desperate attempts to escape their working class limitations and end up on easy street.  And most of the fun is watching their expressions as they try to convince themselves that it is working.

But as always it’s the final interaction between Alice and Ralph that brings home the message that all of Ralph’s biggest problems stem from his desire to be more than he is.  I rat this episode highly because of the physical comedy between Ralph and Norton.  Well worth watching

The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Episode 2 – Funny Money

Spoiler Alert – I review the plot.  Skip down to the last paragraph to get my take on the episode but avoid reading the detailed plot summary.

This episode involves a suitcase full of counterfeit hundred-dollar bills that is left on Ralph’s bus.  A gangster left it on the bus because of a cop he saw.  The mobsters can’t claim the suitcase because it would have to be opened and that would expose them to arrest.  Knowing that after a month the bus driver would be given the suitcase, they bide their time until Ralph is given the case by the bus company.  When Ralph gets home with the unopened suitcase, his mother-in-law is talking with Alice.  She insults Ralph several time about the impoverished state of their apartment and is thrown out by Ralph.

Ralph begs Alice and then Ed Norton to lend him some money to pay his back dues at the Raccoon Club.  But Alice refuses him and Norton has no money.  Right after this Ralph opens the suitcase and goes insane with the desire to spend the money.  He buys a new wardrobe, has telephones installed in every room including the bathroom and fire escape, buys a whole new set of kitchen appliances and negotiates to buy a boat with three propellors.  And to top it all off he insults his boss and quits his job at the bus company.  When his mother-in-law finds out about the money she tries buttering him up by calling him “sonny boy” and claiming he’s her favorite son-in-law.  It succeeds to the extent that Ralph gives her $200 for her and her husband to go to Florida so he doesn’t have to see them.  When Alice finds out about Ralph’s reckless spending, she warns him that something is very wrong with the whole situation and all this spending would lead to disaster.

Naturally everything comes crashing down when he finds out the money is counterfeit.  In order to avoid arrest Ralph puts the remaining money in the oven and burns it.  Immediately afterward the gangsters show up at his apartment and demand the cash.  But before they can shoot him for not having the money,  Ralph’s mother-in-law shows up with two policemen to arrest him for giving her counterfeit money.  Ralph and the gangsters are arrested and brought to the police station.  Ralph is able to convince the police that he had nothing to do with the counterfeit money other than finding it and so the mobsters are jailed and Ralph is freed.

The episode ends with Alice berating Ralph for how he went crazy and spent the money.  Ralph defends himself by saying that no harm was done and for a few days he got to live like a millionaire.  Then she reminds him that he has quit his job and the episode ends with Ralph realizing Alice was right and he was in deep trouble.

Review

This is a very odd episode.  Now, granted, in many cases the actions from one week don’t seamlessly continue into the following episodes.  But in this adventure Ralph pretty definitively quits his job followed by calling his boss a “bum.”  That’s kind of hard to ignore in the next episode.  And there is a sort of pointlessness and unlikeliness to the action in this episode.  But in defense of it, we do get to see Ralph’s ego given full rein.  It does show that if he actually had money, he would be a free spender so it does give us an insight into his true nature.  And there are a few good zingers thrown between Ralph and Alice’s mother.  But all in all, I’d say this was a minor episode.