Scene 1: White House Oval Office Wednesday, 10 a.m.
President Trump (PT) – Mike, Mike! Where the hell are you Pence?
Vice President Pence (VPP) – Right here as usual Mr. President (sigh).
PT – Look Mike, Unemployment is at historic lows but there is one demographic that isn’t benefiting from the fantastic Trump economy.
VPP – Gee, Mr. President, I haven’t heard this report. Which demographic are we discussing.
PT – The anti-Trump demographic. You know, Hollywood, the MSM and Washington. I mean look at this list. Matt Lauer, George H.W. Bush, Chris Savino, Roy Price, Mark Halperin, Michael Oreskes, Lockhart Steele, Bret Ratner, Dustin Hoffman, Louis C.K., Woody Allen, Charlie Rose, Al Franken, John Conyers, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, James Toback, Ben Affleck and Glenn Thrush. It’s an endless list of my loser enemies.
VPP – Well sir, is it really a priority to find jobs for such obviously wealthy individuals?
PT – You’re missing the point Mike. These cheap bastards are probably already signed up for food stamps and Obamacare. We can’t let them free-ride on the backs of decent working Americans. I will address this on prime-time television tonight. Get my speech writers in here right away.
VPP – Yes Mr. President.
Scene 2: Same Day, 8pm, White House, Oval Office, President seated behind desk and surrounded by audio-visual equipment.
PT – Good evening my fellow Americans. I know I’ve pre-empted Big Bang Theory or whatever it is you watch now but I need your attention, so put the bong down and try to focus.
I know you are all aware of the almost endless list of #metoo pervs. What you may not be aware of is that almost everyone of them are my personal enemies. Well anyway, I’ve decided that I shouldn’t waste an opportunity. With all these scumbags out of work and fighting enormous lawsuits I have decided to promote a new program FEET. That stands for full employment for the enemies of Trump. You see the “for,” “the” and “of” aren’t included in the acronym. That’s pretty standard.
So how it will work is that in exchange for the federal government paying off their lawsuits and keeping them out of prison they’ll be interned at a work camp in North Dakota for five years. There they’ll spend their days providing power for the oil derricks. I don’t have any real information yet but I’m imagining they’ll be chained to a big wheel like that one that Arnold Schwarzenegger was turning in Conan the Barbarian. That would be kind of cool and the walking around in a circle gives the whole FEET thing a tie-in. And they’ll spend their nights cleaning toilets and spittoons in the shale oil patch saloons and strip joints. And I’ve given the proprietors of those establishments specific instructions if any of our boys gets out of hand with the ladies there. Let’s just say there will be some trans-gendering that won’t have to be paid for by the federal government, if you take my meaning. And finally, as a condition of their service they will have to take 5,000 hours of Trump harassment training. Utilizing the latest advances in high voltage aversion training techniques they will truly learn to love the “Dear Leader” as my short fat North Korean friend would phrase it.
Okay, that’s all, you can light up another bowl of weed now. But for pity’s sake go to work tomorrow. We’re trying to make America great again. Do something! Trump out.
Since my readers don’t always stop by every day I figured I’d paste this poll on each post for a while to see what folks call themselves. This is the post the poll came from Who Are We?
… And that got me thinking. Who are the people who read my blog? I thought it might be fun to see what the cross-section looked like. If you feel like saying what you believe in, feel free to leave a comment and/or pick a label from the poll below. I think it might be interesting.