Looking at the field in the Democratic 2020 Presidential Primary it’s remarkable to see just how many of these people are demonstrably unhinged. And I’m looking beyond Marianne Williamson and Corey Booker who are beyond the pale when it comes to eccentricity. But right now, I’d like to start with the front runner, Creepy Uncle Joe Biden.
First off, with all the gaffes and dead air during the debates is there any doubt that Joe has lost more than a step or two off his fighting prime? If elected he would be older than Reagan was when he stepped down in 1989. And that is definitely the least of his problems.
Joe Biden is captured on film during official government proceedings sidling up behind women, grabbing their shoulders and sniffing their hair, or putting his hands on their ribcages just slightly below their breasts. Now, definitely, in the reign of Caligula this kind of behavior would have been down right benign from a comparative psychosexual perspective. But today, unless you’re a character in an FBI behavioral science procedural drama you’re supposed to keep your hands off the other homo sapiens you’re not married to. What creepy fetishistic process is going on in his head when he does these kinds of things in front of cameras? Does he think he’s invisible or above the scrutiny of observers? Are we supposed to think that he’s just that over enthusiastic old uncle who likes to hug everybody but doesn’t mean anything by it? What must it have been like in the Biden home around Christmas time with all the young girl relatives doing a duck and cover every time they heard slipper-shod footsteps closing in from behind? The mind boggles.
Joe has been a strange duck since always. Back in 1988 when he ran for President the first time he was hounded by multiple charges of plagiarism and inaccurate statements about his academic record and forced to withdraw. Now admittedly some of this was because that dweeb Dukakis was playing lawyer ball against his rivals. But let’s face it, lying about your college record isn’t very smart. Then there’s the hair plugs. Anyway, Joe’s whole career is littered with lies, exaggeration and braggadocio but without any actual accomplishments. In a way he is the perfect Democrat candidate.
But now Joe has to win the 2020 nomination and Joe’s dinosaur version of Democrat candidacy doesn’t mesh with the woke, #metoo, progressive politics. He’s been attacked by Kamala Harris for working with the Southern Democrats back in the 1970s. She accused him of trying to keep young Kamala from being bussed back in California. And Corey Booker accused Joe’s 1990s crime bill of incarcerating the entire population of Newark, New Jersey. Poor Joe.
Initially Joe had been dialing back his aggression toward his fellow candidates because of the politically correct requirements of an old white male Democrat defending himself from the diversity scrum that the Democrat debates have turned into lately. Because of this, Joe has somewhat become a punching bag for the likes of Kamala Harris and Corey Booker. But finally, he seems to have escaped from this situation and is now fighting back with such inspired zingers as, “Watch out kid!” and “Go easy on me kid!” The interesting thing about the race is that Joe’s standing in the polls really hasn’t been lowered very much at all from the heavy pounding he took in the first and second debates. According to the news reports on television and the newspapers Joe was slaughtered in each of those debates and should have plummeted precipitously in the polls from all these beatings. But there he still stands, way ahead of his opponents. Apparently, the voters recognize that he has promised the fewest impossible things and therefore is the least unelectable Democrat in the general election. And as his numbers remain above theirs, the lowest tier candidates will begin the depressing thought process of when to pull the plug on their hopeless pursuit of the nomination. In fact, former Colorado Governor Hickenlooper and California Representative Swalwell have already pulled the plug and now will join the ranks of bitter losers mumbling “2024” under their breaths and counting up the money they managed to add to their war chests this year.
Does Joe have access to the industrial strength fix that was “in” when Hillary was running against Bernie and the Bros? That’s the million-dollar question. Has Obama anointed Joe? Seemingly not. All the indications are that Obama is keeping his options open. He probably knows that Joe is not as inspiring to the Hopey/Changey crowd as he was. But even slipping into imbecility and marked with the sign of Cain, Creepy Joe should be able to beat Liarwatha and the rest of the midgets. After all, each of them has incredible negatives too. Granny Warren was a pretend Cherokee. Kamala Harris slept her way to the top. Mayor Pete was the mayor of a large town! Corey Booker, well he’s Corey Booker. He actually called himself Spartacus, on purpose! Bernie is like a Commie version of Uncle Leo from the Seinfeld show. Joe will beat these guys because he can pretend to be sane. They can’t hide their crazy. He’s the bull goose looney and will be the candidate.
But that’s as far as he’ll get. The general election will be a slaughter of poor Sleepy Creepy Joe. After all President Trump is no kid and definitely won’t go easy on Biden. Sorry Joe.
So, here’s to you Joe, you creepy, sleepy, gropey son of a gun. You may be nuts but you’re still the best of the bunch. Long may you grab those shoulders and sniff that hair.