The Liarwatha Strategy

As much as it pains me, I think I’ll have to accept that we’re going to lose Creepy Uncle Joe.  As my regular readers are aware of, I opined that Biden would be the candidate.  And I waxed poetic on the glories of a Biden filled debate experience, the gaffes, the non-sequiturs, possibly even lewd hand gestures.  But it was not meant to be.

This isn’t easy for me to accept.  I was sure he’d have staying power and once he unleashed the “Corn Pop” narrative I thought the troops would rally around his standard.  But I fear it’s too late.  Knowledge of just how crooked Joe and Hunter Biden were has permeated the American consciousness.  I fear Uncle Joe is toast.  No more sidling up and shoulder clutching or hair sniffing.  I fear Joe has fondled his last ambassador’s wife.

Ahh, well.

So, who shall it be?  Well things have settled out and the outcome seems clear.  Fauxcahantas is neck and neck with Creepy Uncle Joe and his backers are pulling back.  Comrade Bernie had a heart attack and appears relatively low energy at this point.  His numbers are trailing off and I assume he’ll be out of the race after New Hampshire.  No one else besides these three has been able to break single digits since early August.  At this point Kamala, Mayor Butt, Spartacus and the rest of that pack of losers are running to see who will be the running mate.  Therefore, Granny Clampett will be the Dem nominee.

Now that I’ve reconciled with the loss of Uncle Joe, it’s time to analyze the correct strategy for defeating the Fake Indian.  And that is an important thing to do.  She will get the same royal treatment that Hillary got when she was running.  As soon as she is the presumptive nominee all polls from that point forward will permanently show her ahead of the President by between five and twenty percentage points.  Also, she will receive nothing but favorable press and every week will feature a puff piece explaining how a woman president is not only the natural result of evolution but also what is predicted, based on being on the right side of history.  And Bill Kristol will declare her the true conservative choice in the race.

I think the important thing to remember is that she will undoubtedly get 100% of the college educated, unmarried, white women’s vote (aka blue-haired cat ladies, present and future).  This is her natural constituency, what the Z-Man would call the vinegar drinking scolds.  She will also get a large chunk of soccer moms, maybe 45% – 55%.  She will get 0% of white working-class men and women.  She will get 30% of upper and middle-class white men.  She will get 95% of the black vote.  She will get 65% of the Hispanic vote.

But here’s the important point, black and Hispanic voters will only come out to vote for her if they are motivated to do so.  If their voters aren’t excited about her, they’ll stay home in droves.  And aside from her fifth-grade teacher’s-nails on the chalkboard-voice, what would turn off the minority voters?  Well how about a fluorescently white woman who used a fake story of minority ancestry to get her a spot on the Faculty of Harvard Law School?  Gee, that might raise a little resentment.  If you were Mexican or Guatemalan, would you want someone who benefitted obscenely from pretending to have Native American blood getting your vote?  I’m guessing not.  And even if she’s pushing slavery reparations and has Kamala Harris as her running mate, I’m not sure that the black voters are really going to embrace her.  Basically, she’s not exactly Barack Obama.

So how do you highlight her dishonesty?  One thing that would work would be to have a tv ad with a Native American spokesman condemning her for the dishonesty and injustice of stealing a spot reserved for someone who truly was a Native American.  This could be reinforced with the text released by the Cherokee nation condemning Warren for her dishonesty and for using her DNA test as some kind of feeble defense.

The timing of this campaign is probably best delayed until the run up to the actual election day.  The middle of October seems like the right time.  Coordinated with this strategy, it would make sense for the President to go after her during the debates on her dishonesty.  A sort of relentless drum beat of accusations on her dishonesty and unfairness to Native Americans sounds like a winning strategy to me.  And, of course it wouldn’t hurt to showcase some of her other weak points.  Her acceptance of the insanely stupid “Green New Deal” that Ocasio-Cortez dreamed up should be especially easy to attack.  With a price tag that probably far exceeds estimates of $94 trillion and an agenda that will crash our economy and deprive us of the energy sources that make modern life economically possible any rational voters will reject candidate who has bought into it.

But the most appealing strategy to apply against Liarwatha is to appeal to people’s innate fear of having to listen interminably to her annoying voice.  The prospect of being hectored for four years by a shrew like her would make any man and many women recoil in horror.  I envision a commercial with a cartoon version of Betty Warren shaking her finger at a crowd of Americans and lecturing them about their responsibilities to the future and reminding them that whatever individual accomplishments they may have achieved that, “you didn’t build that!”

Well, I guess if I have to give up Creepy Uncle Joe, Fauxcahantas won’t be so bad.  I estimate there’s at least a 30% chance she’ll stroke out during the debates.  And after defeating Hillary and Liarwatha the Dems may give the woman candidate thing a pass in 2024.  But then again who knows.  We can always hope that Joe comes back as an 82-year-old trans-gender Creepy Grandma Josephine for an even more exciting race in the future.  He did say there were at least three genders.

 

 

A Very Unfunny Joke

A priest, a rabbi and a minister happen to meet in a bar.  Everybody has heard these kinds of jokes.  Let’s try a different kind of joke.  A cokehead, a gangster’s nephew and the heir to a ketchup fortune met in Washington.  Well that doesn’t sound as funny.  Wait, it gets better.  Especially since the gangster is the recently dearly departed Whitey Bulger, the cokehead’s father is Joe Biden and John Kerry is the stepfather of the Prince of Ketchup.  Ah, now you see.  Each of these men has been able to turn nepotism into a pot of gold.  There’s definitely something funny going on there but it’s definitely not a coincidence that these three men met up.  Joe Biden and John Kerry were powerful members of the Obama administration who allowed their relatives to trade off their names with foreign governments that could benefit from decisions of the Obama administration.  James Bulger is just the latest manifestation of the Massachusetts proclivity for shady politics.  James’s father, Billy Bulger, was Whitey’s brother but he was also the President of the Massachusetts Senate for eighteen years and used his influence to enrich himself and his family and insinuate them into circles that would perpetuate their influence.  And, of course, John Kerry and Billy Bulger are old Bay State friends.

Apparently, this is what all the hullaballoo was about with the Russia-gate scam.  The Obama administration was a giant grift where the leaders used their relatives to siphon off billions using influence peddling operations.  If China wanted to buy up American military technology companies, well Hunter Biden would partner with them to make it seem legitimate.  It meant greasing some palms, but the Chinese got what they wanted and so did the Bidens.  It sounds a lot like the Clinton uranium scam for the Russians.  And it also includes the Ukraine grift.  And after Hillary and company lost the election, they started the Russiagate frame-up to deflect attention from their own foreign crimes.  And yet somehow, we’re supposed to believe that the same CIA and FBI that seems to have wire-taps in every room in the White House didn’t know a thing about Hillary’s and Biden’s grifts.  That’s the unfunny joke.

I watched Rudy Giuliani make the rounds with the television political pundits.  He laid out the evidence and made the case that all the evidence being ignored by the Press and the Deep State is a mountain compared to the molehill of the alleged whistleblower in the CIA that is all over the front pages of all the MSM outlets.  He declared he is waiting for the Justice Department to do something about it.  But will they?

We are about to find out if Barr is a real American or just another swamp dweller.  With all the information out there, if the Justice Department takes no action at all then basically Trump is on his own.  In fact, wouldn’t Barr know that someone had changed the definition of whistleblower to include hearsay?  Could something as rigged as that rule change happen without alarm bells going off in the Attorney General’s office?

But an even larger issue is the fact that the surveillance state now controls the actions of the President of the United States.  Unelected spies control the actions of our elected officials and spy on all of us too.  President Trump has the unenviable task of draining the swamp while fighting off the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra of mythology that inhabits the swamp.  And just like that mythical beast every time one head is cut off (e.g., Comey or Brennan) three more grow back.

I’ve come to believe that the only way to get back control of our country is to dismantle the surveillance apparatus.  In a way I think it would be a good platform for the President to run on in 2020.  Purging Washington of these wannabe KGB masterminds would be popular with many moderates and independents too.

When I imagine how I would tackle the job that Barr is supposed to do, I imagine assembling all the upper echelons of, let’s say, the CIA and after explaining how allowing the resistance to sabotage the Trump Administration is dereliction of duty I’d fire the whole top level of the organization.  Then while these big shots were being rudely escorted off the premises, I would address their direct reports with the following ultimatum, provide evidence of who the remaining obstructionists are or immediately follow their former bosses out the door.  I would give them at least five minutes to make up their minds if they wanted to cooperate and if they didn’t volunteer information by then I’d have them escorted out the door and move on to the next echelon down.  This plan has the advantage that as you move down the chain of command the importance of a pay check becomes more and more critical.  Eventually you will reach someone who would rather be an employed civil servant than an unemployed resistance fighter.

As you can see, I have a very unsubtle way of looking at things but the point is, cleaning out that rat’s nest needs to be done somehow or other.  When rampant government malfeasance is ignored by the FBI and CIA but these same agencies abuse their power to hamper the legitimately elected representatives of the people it’s time to start over.

Now that the President has started down this road it can’t be more than a week or two before we know whether Barr is there to clean up or cover up the mess.  Fingers crossed.

 

22SEP2019 Update – The Dem Race Begins to Take Shape

So, this week we’ve lost Bill DeBlasio.  As the President mentioned, New York City is in a panic because Bill’s returning there and sure to cause fresh havoc in Gotham City.

And word has come down from Spartacus that unless his backers send him $1.7 million before September 30th, he’s going to drop his shield and short sword and drop out of the race.  Kind of makes you wonder a little about why he’s in the race.  What I want to know is who will keep the white supremacists in check if Cory drops out of the race.  I mean sure, Creepy Uncle Joe and Kamala Harris are woke to the threat of rampaging gun-wielding white fascists but Spartacus was the one who made it his signature issue.  And without a doubt Beto has laid claim to the gun grabbing title with his hats, coffee mugs and other branded paraphernalia but Spartacus was so much more real.  Yes, Cory Booker will be missed by those supremacists.

Today I read that Fauxcahantas has taken a two-point lead over Creepy Joe in Iowa.  Losing Uncle Joe so early in the process would be a blow.  The whole problem of his son and the Ukraine could spell the end of my prediction for Joe to be the November victim for President Trump.  So sad, so sad.  Well if it’s to be Fauxcahantas (and I’m not admitting to it yet) then let it be Fauxcahantas and Kamala Harris.  That is a dream ticket for President Trump.  Between the shrieks of Fauxcahantas and the whining and crying of Harris there wouldn’t be a man in America with a testosterone level above zero who would vote for that nightmare.  Now the flip side of that is every cat lady and power skirt in the country will try to vote twice for them.  But somehow, I don’t see them getting much of the female black vote.

Bernie is now only ahead of Warren in New Hampshire where he is shown trailing Joe by about a point.  But nationally the Fake Indian is leading him by a couple of points.  Bernie won’t drop out soon.  He’s got a lot of money and a loyal core of Bernie Bros who won’t desert him.

Pete Butt also has a good pile of cash to keep him going and the desire to be Vice President and I see him hanging in there for a good long time.  But as to who would select him for Veep, maybe Harris?  I’m guessing nobody really wants him aboard.

So, of the candidates who still might be around in a few weeks, that leaves Beto.  I think Harris would like to have him for a Veep.  He’s so incredibly shallow and stupid that by comparison even she would look sort of intelligent.  And he’s got a skateboard you know.  He’ll definitely get the poser and hipster vote motivated.

All the rest of the losers hovering around at 3% or lower will be gone by Halloween.  It’s pretty clear that the Media wants Creepy Uncle Joe to drop out.  They’re afraid that he’s too senile and has too many skeletons in his closet to beat the President.  And they’re right but honestly, it’s not as if Bernie or Fake Indian aren’t just as looney.  It’s that old white guy just seems impossible for their narrative.

Emotionally I’m tied to the idea of Creepy Uncle Joe going into the debates.  The spastic hilarity just draws me in.  But Fake Indian is great too.  Fauxcahantas has more than one arrow in her quiver if I may be permitted to use the metaphor.  She shrieks and her eyes bulge behind her Granny Clampett glasses and she gestures and gesticulates like some demented third grade teacher.  There is greatness there.

But never let it be said that I’m a fair-weather friend.  I’m sticking with Crazy Uncle Joe to the bitter end.  The only condition I put on his candidacy is if he strokes out.  If he does, I’ll pull support.  I can’t be responsible for the death of anyone, even Creepy Uncle Joe.

So, let’s recap.  With the Media and nervous big money pushing to anoint Fauxcahantas, Creepy Uncle Joe is hoping to weather the Ukraine thing while Bernie plods along waving the Hammer and Sickle flag of Communism for the Bernie Bros to see.  The only losers who’ll hang in for the Veep sweepstakes look like Harris, Beto, Mayor Pete Butt and maybe Spartacus.  I’m holding out for Uncle Joe but the vultures are beginning to circle.  Stay tuned for more excitement in October.

 

The Democrat Platform – Such as It Is in September 2019

We’re still a year out from the Democratic 2020 National Convention so it’s not entirely accurate to say we know what the platform will be for the Democrat Presidential election.  And it’s very likely that the nominee will backpedal like mad next year from some of the positions they all took at the recent debates.  But let’s look at where we are right now.

All the candidates are in favor of health care coverage for illegal aliens.  All want a Medicare for all program.  All of them want to empty out the prisons.  All of them want a multi-trillion-dollar slavery reparations law.  All of them want to seize guns from the populace.  All of them think that the only criminal activity that the police should concentrate on is white supremacists committing hate crimes.  All of them think President Trump is actually Hitler.

Isn’t that enough?  I think it is.

My bet is still that Biden will be the nominee.  From the Democrat’s point of view he is the least exciting candidate because he’s old and male and white.  But deep down in their hearts they know that as crazy as Creepy Uncle Joe is, he can’t hold a candle to the outright lunacy that lives in the likes of Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders or Kamala Harris who back the Green New Deal initiative.  With this initiative, it’s not just that we’ll be wasting money so quickly that we might as well be heating our homes by burning hundred dollar bills it’s that we will be deprived of being able to drive our cars to get to work or heat our homes.  They will artificially raise the cost of hydrocarbon fuels to the point where we won’t be able to live where and how we want to.  Eventually you’ll have to live where mass transportation and public housing is provided and you’ll live under the laws that these Democrat jurisdictions vote for and you’ll have to let your kids be indoctrinated under the social programs endemic there.  Even Democrats don’t really want to live like that so in the deepest depths of their minds they know these candidates will go down in flames in the general election.

So, let’s assume it will be Joe, because these craziest kinds of policies will be non-starters in the general election.  Joe will paint his Medicaid for All as a voluntary program where “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  And he will talk about how he likes to go duck hunting and reasonable gun control is as American as apple pie.  And he will assure us that the time has come to finally reach a conclusion to the suffering of black Americans from the after effects of slavery.  And that President Trump has enflamed the hearts of Americans with his intolerant rhetoric.

Well, I don’t think that any of that stuff compares to a good economy.  All President Trump has to do is remind voters that the last time they heard about health care from Obama and Biden they were handed Obamacare as the be all and end all of healthcare, a regular panacea that eliminated pre-existing condition requirements and covered everyone.  Ha!

And as far as enflaming hearts it won’t take much to remind them of burning police cars in Baltimore and the Black Lives Matters thugs shooting police officers down in the streets.  And Obama taking sides in the Treyvon Martin and Michael Brown cases despite the obvious evidence that neither of these men were victims of anything but their own criminality.

Biden is indeed the most likely candidate to come close for the Democrats.  He’ll use his connection to the Obama presidency to pump up the black vote and his moderate (for a Democrat) stances on some issues will scare off the least number of normal voters but I don’t think he’ll do all that well in the general election.  At least he shouldn’t.  There’s just too much video evidence of all the stupid and crazy positions he’s taken over the last few decades.  Think of some of these Obama-era skeletons being featured in a two-minute commercial.  And that’s not even counting the financial dirt that is out there with his son taking money from Ukrainian interests for influence peddling to the old man.  And finally, with the terrible performance Biden has displayed during the recent debates I can’t imagine that he will fare well against the President.  Therefore, unless the economy tanks, Joe’s toast.

So, my thought here is that the Democrat Platform and even the most moderate of the Democrat candidates may have finally reached the point where the American people have to just say no to them.  And that is a good thing.

 

I Detect a Little Panic on the Left

I read this article today and as much as I hate to click on a left-wing site (in this case NY Magazine) I couldn’t resist the title (What If the Only Democrat Who Isn’t Too Radical to Win Is Too Old? By Jonathan Chait).  I’ve linked to it but don’t feel you have to click on it.  I took the hit for all of you.  But it really is a delicious broth of fear and confusion.  Apparently, the Democrat party and the Media have decided that Democrat voters will embrace a radical left wing agenda in 2020.  And their reason for believing this is that Twitter told them so.  They are embracing the social media exclusion of the Right as a basis for believing that everyone is a woke Millennial.  It’s wonderful.  Apparently soccer moms in the Midwest have just been dying for someone to take away their private health insurance and give the money to illegal aliens so they can have health care.

Now even the Democrats are starting to jump on the Creepy Joe bandwagon.  I’m starting to feel pretty prescient right about now.  But it’s still early, shouldn’t get too far in front of reality.  But the Trump/Biden debate is looking sweeter and sweeter by the moment.

 

Scenes From the Third Democrat Debate

Just for laughs I turned on the debate for about a half hour.  The free for all was shrieking about healthcare.  Every single one of the maniacs was jabbering about how his plan was better than their plans because their plans would leave millions dying from scurvy while his plan would guarantee eternal life and youth.  And most of them took the opportunity to kick poor old Creepy Joe in the in the family jewels for some especially awful shortcomings in his version of Medicare for all.  One especially bitter moment for Joe was when Yang called him out on some defect in his plan.  Joe answered that the defect didn’t exist but Yang countered that just minutes before Joe has sworn the opposite was true.  Poor Joe.  Somehow Obamacare wasn’t Barack’s fault but instead Joe’s.  Pretty remarkable.

The other section had to do with criminal justice.  Every candidate wanted to empty the prisons and use some kind of reparations bill to pay back criminals for being criminals.  The only criminals they didn’t like were white supremacists.  They apparently are the only real criminals in America.  And the reparations for African Americans cannot be big enough.  Apparently it will be an endless river of money that will never come close to solving the problem but it must be done anyway.  And the clowns all agreed that Donald Trump is indeed a white supremacist, racist, really, really bad guy.

At that point I thought I’d seen enough.  My only real hope is that all this is recorded for later use by the President’s re-election committee.  There were a thousand moments when any and all of those imbeciles made themselves transparently unfit to lead this country.  Their policies are impossible to implement from either a financial or a constitutional point of view and even if these policies could be enacted a majority of Americans will recognize them as at best unfair and at worst insane.

Think of it.  They want to empty the prisons.  What will that do to the ‘hood?  They want to provide universal healthcare.  Wasn’t that Obamacare?  Won’t this just be more degradation of the existing private system to spread the bad coverage that Obamacare already gave us?  And reparations.  We’re going to give trillions of dollars to one group of people, who for the last fifty years have been the recipients of affirmative action which allegedly isn’t enough, and we’ll obtain those trillions by taking them from people, most of whose ancestors weren’t even in America when slavery existed.  Would you vote for someone promising that?

I don’t know how many more debates there are but by the last one the candidates will be down to promising to burn the country to the ground just to make sure that everyone is absolutely equally miserable.  These folks are literally insane.  I’m guessing this should put an end to their 2020 hopes.  Either that or I’m crazy.

 

 

11SEP2019 – OCF Update

Looking back eighteen years to that horrifying day it’s remarkable to think of how much courage and patriotism was squandered and how the enemies of this country both domestic and foreign have capitalized on the truly awful leadership that Bush and Obama provided.  I guess I should be grateful that we didn’t end up with the trifecta by way of Hillary but the bitterness of those wasted years is discouraging.

The lesson I’ll take away from all that is never assume the war is won.  It’s never over.  Complacency is fatal.  If you are not attacking the enemy then your are retreating.  Every institution that they’ve undermined and subverted is a battle that still needs to be fought, another hill to take.  Every RINO in Congress or running for President is a roadblock to rolling back the insanity that’s been imposed.  Make sure your leaders are actually on your side.  Check their bona fides.

President Trump and the Brexit movement in England and some of the other Nationalist leaders in Italy, Poland, Hungary and elsewhere give me hope that we still have time to scramble back from the edge of the abyss and straighten out the world we will leave our children and grandchildren.  I hope it’s not too late.

I’ll continue on some practical things I can think of for people to do in their own lives with their own loved ones to avoid the damage that our culture does to us, especially the young people.  I’ll add additional parts to the “Reclaiming the Family” series.  I think that is useful.

There are fifty days left until the Halloween deadline that Boris Johnson set for Brexit.  I am very excited to see if Boris can outmaneuver his foes and either let the date pass without any extension or force a General election.  I think between Farage and Johnson they can secure an actual working majority of real conservatives to pass the Brexit and any other British legislation that’s been held captive by the Tory globalists.  I hope he gets both those results.

Well, even though today broke eighty degrees New England summer is done.  The leaves are starting to drop and the butterflies and dragonflies are retreating.  Soon fall foliage will be going on and considering my red-green color blindness the results will definitely be hit or miss.  The NY Yankees look to win the AL East division and surprisingly it looks like the Boston Red Sox and their rabid fans will be missing the playoffs this year.  New York’s pitching is barely so-so but the hitting is phenomenal.  Which means they’ll probably be knocked out in the AL Championship game.  But Camera Girl is very excited to see them play and even I have dropped my perennial cynicism and have the boys of summer on several times.  Go Yanks!

And finally I have managed to hold onto my Biden prediction.  I’m ride’n with Biden.  I think Creepy Joe will be the nominee and President Trump’s punching bag.  Blood filled eye, advanced senile dementia or even occasional bouts of priapism should not stop Joe.  He’s a man on a mission.  And when he declares Spartacus or Fauxcahantas his running mate the signs in Revelations will be consummated.

Looks to be a busy fall.  Stay tuned.

09SEP2019 – American Greatness Post of the Day – Biden or Bust by VDH

Victor Davis Hanson apparently agrees with my guess that Creepy Uncle Joe is the Dems choice for least likely to frighten off the marginally sane portion of their voters.

https://amgreatness.com/2019/09/08/biden-or-bust/

 

Well, good.  I was starting to feel self-conscious with all the Fauxcahantas talk.  And we deserve to have Joe at the debates.  I think he’ll charge Trump’s lectern and will have to be tranq darted by his own Secret Service team to prevent Trump’s larger Secret Service team from handling him themselves.

 

 

 

The Democrat Primary Field – Part 1 – Joe Biden

Looking at the field in the Democratic 2020 Presidential Primary it’s remarkable to see just how many of these people are demonstrably unhinged.  And I’m looking beyond Marianne Williamson and Corey Booker who are beyond the pale when it comes to eccentricity.  But right now, I’d like to start with the front runner, Creepy Uncle Joe Biden.

First off, with all the gaffes and dead air during the debates is there any doubt that Joe has lost more than a step or two off his fighting prime?  If elected he would be older than Reagan was when he stepped down in 1989.  And that is definitely the least of his problems.

Joe Biden is captured on film during official government proceedings sidling up behind women, grabbing their shoulders and sniffing their hair, or putting his hands on their ribcages just slightly below their breasts.  Now, definitely, in the reign of Caligula this kind of behavior would have been down right benign from a comparative psychosexual perspective.  But today, unless you’re a character in an FBI behavioral science procedural drama you’re supposed to keep your hands off the other homo sapiens you’re not married to.  What creepy fetishistic process is going on in his head when he does these kinds of things in front of cameras?  Does he think he’s invisible or above the scrutiny of observers?  Are we supposed to think that he’s just that over enthusiastic old uncle who likes to hug everybody but doesn’t mean anything by it?  What must it have been like in the Biden home around Christmas time with all the young girl relatives doing a duck and cover every time they heard slipper-shod footsteps closing in from behind?  The mind boggles.

Joe has been a strange duck since always.  Back in 1988 when he ran for President the first time he was hounded by multiple charges of plagiarism and inaccurate statements about his academic record and forced to withdraw.  Now admittedly some of this was because that dweeb Dukakis was playing lawyer ball against his rivals.  But let’s face it, lying about your college record isn’t very smart.  Then there’s the hair plugs.  Anyway, Joe’s whole career is littered with lies, exaggeration and braggadocio but without any actual accomplishments.  In a way he is the perfect Democrat candidate.

But now Joe has to win the 2020 nomination and Joe’s dinosaur version of Democrat candidacy doesn’t mesh with the woke, #metoo, progressive politics.  He’s been attacked by Kamala Harris for working with the Southern Democrats back in the 1970s.  She accused him of trying to keep young Kamala from being bussed back in California.  And Corey Booker accused Joe’s 1990s crime bill of incarcerating the entire population of Newark, New Jersey.  Poor Joe.

Initially Joe had been dialing back his aggression toward his fellow candidates because of the politically correct requirements of an old white male Democrat defending himself from the diversity scrum that the Democrat debates have turned into lately.  Because of this, Joe has somewhat become a punching bag for the likes of Kamala Harris and Corey Booker.  But finally, he seems to have escaped from this situation and is now fighting back with such inspired zingers as, “Watch out kid!” and “Go easy on me kid!”  The interesting thing about the race is that Joe’s standing in the polls really hasn’t been lowered very much at all from the heavy pounding he took in the first and second debates.  According to the news reports on television and the newspapers Joe was slaughtered in each of those debates and should have plummeted precipitously in the polls from all these beatings.  But there he still stands, way ahead of his opponents.  Apparently, the voters recognize that he has promised the fewest impossible things and therefore is the least unelectable Democrat in the general election.  And as his numbers remain above theirs, the lowest tier candidates will begin the depressing thought process of when to pull the plug on their hopeless pursuit of the nomination.  In fact, former Colorado Governor Hickenlooper and California Representative Swalwell have already pulled the plug and now will join the ranks of bitter losers mumbling “2024” under their breaths and counting up the money they managed to add to their war chests this year.

Does Joe have access to the industrial strength fix that was “in” when Hillary was running against Bernie and the Bros?  That’s the million-dollar question.  Has Obama anointed Joe?  Seemingly not.  All the indications are that Obama is keeping his options open.  He probably knows that Joe is not as inspiring to the Hopey/Changey crowd as he was.  But even slipping into imbecility and marked with the sign of Cain, Creepy Joe should be able to beat Liarwatha and the rest of the midgets.  After all, each of them has incredible negatives too.  Granny Warren was a pretend Cherokee.  Kamala Harris slept her way to the top.  Mayor Pete was the mayor of a large town!  Corey Booker, well he’s Corey Booker.  He actually called himself Spartacus, on purpose!  Bernie is like a Commie version of Uncle Leo from the Seinfeld show.  Joe will beat these guys because he can pretend to be sane.  They can’t hide their crazy.  He’s the bull goose looney and will be the candidate.

But that’s as far as he’ll get.  The general election will be a slaughter of poor Sleepy Creepy Joe.  After all President Trump is no kid and definitely won’t go easy on Biden.  Sorry Joe.

So, here’s to you Joe, you creepy, sleepy, gropey son of a gun.  You may be nuts but you’re still the best of the bunch.  Long may you grab those shoulders and sniff that hair.

 

The Democrat Primary Field – Part 2 – Elizabeth Warren

 

The Dog Days – 2019 Edition

As I’ve mentioned too many times before, there are only two seasons in New England; Winter and July.  And a glance at the calendar tells me that this week it will be time to have the snow blower tuned up and order a couple of tons of road sand (I stay away from salt on account of respect for my well water quality).

But before the horror truly begins it’s allowable to savor the brief ecstasy that July represents.  July this year has been undeniably full-blast summer almost from beginning to end.   It’s been one sunny hot day after another with only a torrential thunderstorm thrown in occasionally to keep the lawn from turning to straw and blowing away.  The only irregularity was a soggy May and June where the lack of sunshine has offset flower bloom and butterfly schedules by at least three weeks.  Only in the last few days have the monarch caterpillars finally appeared on the milkweed and the Black-Eyed-Susans are behind in their flowering by about the same amount.  But actually, that isn’t the worst thing in the world.  It will make August much livelier than typically and will allow me the illusion that Autumn is far, far away.

The other thing that the end of summer heralds is the beginning of the political season.  July and August are the silly season in the news business.  Everyone is on vacation and no one reads the news.  Even blogs see a downturn in readership during this time and compensate by featuring human interest stories, conspiracy theories and scantily clad women.  Here at OCF we can’t afford these fripperies so we make up for it with good old fashioned hard-boiled investigative reporting.  We make the deep dive into the who, what and why behind those headlines you see splashed across the top of the News.  We’re not satisfied with echoing the news.  We’re determined to break the news.  And that is why I’m honored to announce our first scoop of the New England Winter Season.

Creepy Uncle Joe Biden will select Michelle Obama as his running mate.

It seems to be the perfect way for a campaign ticket fronted by Creepy Uncle Joe to add the requisite number of intersectional victim points that he so obviously lacks.  Also, that way, when Biden loses it adds the marginal credibility of having been a VP running mate for when Michelle runs for President in 2024.  For the Dems it’s a win/win.  This lets them vote for an old straight white guy who has the best chance of actually winning but without feeling like sellouts.  And it gives the Obamas a foot back in the White House door.  And now they can reuse all those Obama/Biden buttons and bumper stickers.  They just have to cut the year off.  And flip them around or something.

Now you may ask where this bombshell report originated.  Well, let’s just say that the research was a combination of powerful artificial intelligence search algorithms and the intuition that only comes from decades of good old fashioned hard-boiled investigative reporting.  That’s right, we had Walter Cronkite’s engrams uploaded into a cloud-based matrix and then overlaid them with the programming from the HAL 9000 system.

Well, actually, we really couldn’t do either of those things.  We don’t really know what engrams are and even if we did, we wouldn’t be allowed to mess with Walter Cronkite.  And the HAL 9000 computer never really existed.  So, no, we didn’t do those things.  But we really thought about this a lot and we really think we nailed this.  It’s definitely Michelle Obama, definitely.  Well, there is a small, small chance that it’s actually gonna be Oprah.  Like three to six percent.  And maybe like a half a percent Beyoncé but that’s like not even worth mentioning.

Well there you have it.  Hard hitting news gathered by good old fashioned hard-boiled investigative reporting.  You heard it here first.  It’s Biden/Obama!  Or /Oprah.  Or just possibly / Beyoncé.  One of those for sure!

I think.