Girl Boss Anchor – And as we finish this broadcast I have heard that Jonathan Capon will be leaving Red Lobster. Jonathan, would you like to address this development with our audience?
Jonathan Capon – Sure why not? Well, first of all David Books brought me aboard under false pretenses. He told them I was an illegal alien and would work for first pick of the kitchen scraps like some kind of rodent.
Second of all, the head waiter told me to “butch it up.” And strike three, someone put up a poster of Sydney Sweeney in the locker room. In this kind of hostile work environment I just couldn’t be my authentic self. For all these reasons I’m going back to my refrigerator box and my crew under the overpass. Let Books enjoy his corporate fat cat existence here at the Red Lobster but I have to be real. I have to testify to my own lived truth.
Girl Boss Anchor – That’s interesting. David told me you were fired because you fell asleep in the Shrimp Freezer Room and had to be chiseled off of a shelf.
Jonathan Capon – There might have been something like that but there’s more to the story that I won’t reveal until the case comes to trial.
Girl Boss Anchor – Thank you Jonathan for that interesting slice of life and we await your next assignment with great interest.
Jonathan Capon – Hey, any chance of an advance? We need a new refrigerator box after the rains.
Girl Boss Anchor – Sorry, no.