Tag: PBS

Well, Maybe It Wasn’t Such a Small Part of the Funding

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Despite assurances that federal funds were a miniscule part of the budget for PBS and NPR, those media groups have already begun to feel the effects of the rescission:

PBS To Cut Budget By 21% Following Public Media’s Loss of Federal Funding

“PBS plans to cut its budget by 21% as public media faces the loss of $1.1 billion in federal funding over the next two fiscal years.

Paula Kerger, president and CEO of PBS, informed station general managers Wednesday of the planned cuts. The overall pool of station dues will be reduced by $35 million, she said. Local outlets are grappling with their own budget holes given the loss of federal support.”

Very sad.

David Brooks and Jonathan Capehart are two “journalists” that appear on Fridays on the PBS NewsHour and I think that part of that $35 million could be offset by firing one of them.  Now how to do that is a question.  What occurs to me is a scene from the classic tv series Star Trek:

David and Jonathan could be dressed as Thralls and forced to battle in the arena while PBS viewers place wagers in quatloos that will pay the salary of whichever of them walks out of the arena alive.

Also, I read that NPR is forced to reduce its budget by $8 million for next year.  Also, very sad.

The article stressed that replacement funds from private corporations have not been forthcoming because the other Congressional budget cuts have impacted how corporations are allocating their charitable donations.  Apparently, everyone is scrambling after alternative funding sources and there just isn’t enough money to go around.  Also very, very sad.

So, what’s the takeaway here?  Well, I think it’s important to remember that when the Left tells you that government funding for something they like is miniscule and unimportant, that means it’s a lot of money and it’s critical to their operation.  And I think it goes without saying that the money is being used to make very comfortable existences for the people at the top.  There are homes in Northern Virginia and Ivy League tuitions and expensive wines at lunch that are being funded with that money.  Now that doesn’t mean that those things will go away because of these cuts.  No, that’s not how it works.  It probably means several lower echelon people will lose their jobs and several shows won’t get made.  Maybe the next Ken Burns series will be cut or Masterpiece will have to use American actors instead of British.  Or as I said Books and Capon; I mean Brooks and Capehart will have to get whittled down to Brooks or Capehart.

Now you might wonder if the heads of PBS and NPR might have an epiphany and try to sell Congress on the idea that they could truly produce non-partisan and unbiased content that appeals to both the Left and Right.  They could bring aboard conservatives on their boards and in management and put together a lineup of shows that even Donald Trump, Speaker Johnson and Senator Mike Lee would be willing to fund.  Now that would be something.  Of course, the chances of that happening are of the same order of magnitude as Nancy Pelosi going to heaven.

So, congratulations again to Donald Trump and his friends in Congress.  Their unprecedented action to defund PBS and NPR is already bearing fruit in ways we cannot yet appreciate.  Some show advocating for pediatric trans-surgery is probably not going to be funded because no corporate sponsor will want to touch it.  Very, very, very sad.

Bravo.

Boola Boola

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Primativa Babullah – Welcome to the PBS NewsHour and I’m your host Primativa Babullah and tonight I will be interviewing President Donald Trump and will find out what new atrocities he plans to inflict on the people of this country and the rest of the world.  Good evening Mr. President.

Donald Trump – That was a very nasty introduction.  What foreign country are you from where they’re that rude?

Primativa Babullah – I’m from Westchester.

Donald Trump – Well, that explains it.  They have no class up there.

Primativa Babullah – Mr. President, the whole world is waiting to hear what new outrage you have waiting for us.  Yesterday you fired the head of the BLS.  The day before that you raised tariffs on India.  What’s next.

Donald Trump – I’m glad you asked Boola Boola.  I’ve had my DOGE crew looking into ways to get all those lazy useless bureaucrats to quit and save the tax payers a lot of dough.  And they came up with something really good.  What they discovered is that most of these people have become very fat from eating free government doughnuts.  Especially the ones with the chocolate coating and the sprinkles.  So today I signed an executive order banning the sale, manufacture and ingestion of sprinkles withing the District of Columbia.  That’s another name for Washington Boola Boola.

Primativa Babullah – My name is not Boola Boola, Mr. President.  It’s Primativa Babullah.

Donald Trump – Yeah okay whatever.

Primativa Babullah – But how will banning sprinkles from Washington help you to reduce the budget?

Donald Trump – I will let it be known that sprinkles will be available at one new government office site going forward.

Primativa Babullah – And that place will be?

Donald Trump – A new facility down in Florida.  Here it is on the map.

Primativa Babullah – But sir, that’s Alligator Alcatraz!

Donald Trump – No, no.  That’s across the lagoon.  This is called Crocodile Castle.  It’s a much classier place.

Primativa Babullah – You want government workers to work in a prison.

Donald Trump – It’s not a prison.  It’s a cutting-edge office environment that utilizes various incentives and feedback mechanisms to get the maximum value out of the employees.  For instance, there is an exercise facility that also helps correct a slight flaw in the construction design.  The stationary bicycles that the employees operate while working are attached to the pumps that keep the water level below the containment wall that keeps out the local fauna; let’s see Burmese pythons, American crocodiles, Nile monitor lizards.

Primativa Babullah – Why that’s horrible!  These people have to pedal for their lives?

Donald Trump – Well, technically we can’t force them to keep pedaling.  But it’s probably a really good idea if they do.  And they can take turns.  They don’t have to pedal more than eighteen hours a day, on average.

Primativa Babullah – But this is obviously illegal.  It’s a form of slavery.

Donald Trump – No, actually it’s just the terms of their employment.  They can always quit.

Primativa Babullah – But why go through all of these elaborate machinations just to save some government salaries?  Surely there’s an easier way.

Donald Trump – Because it makes great television.  I’m going to put this on one of the cable networks and call it, “So You Wanted to be a Lazy Slug!”  We’ll rig it so every Friday a python will get in and chase the fattest worker around the bathroom or something.  It’ll be an instant hit.  We’ll make a fortune.

Primativa Babullah – Mr. Trump, you truly are a monster.

Donald Trump – Hey I don’t try to sell people crappy over-priced tote bags so don’t get all holier than thou with me Boola Boola.

Primativa Babullah – Dammit, it’s not Boola Boola, it’s just plain Boola.  I mean Babullah.

Donald Trump – Hey calm down lady.  You asked me for this interview.

Primativa Babullah – Well, I’m sorry I did.

Donald Trump – Alright boys let’s roll.  Find the closest McDonalds.  I’m hungry (leaves the set).

Primativa Babullah – Well folks, sorry for that fiasco.  As you heard, the President has become unhinged.  But thanks to PBS this is the kind of hard-hitting journalism you come to expect from us.  Make sure to stick around for our begathon, I mean telethon coming right up.  Stay tuned and enjoy an anti-depressed viewing hour.

Capon Parts Ways with Red Lobster

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Girl Boss Anchor – And as we finish this broadcast I have heard that Jonathan Capon will be leaving Red Lobster.  Jonathan, would you like to address this development with our audience?

Jonathan Capon – Sure why not?  Well, first of all David Books brought me aboard under false pretenses.  He told them I was an illegal alien and would work for first pick of the kitchen scraps like some kind of rodent.

Second of all, the head waiter told me to “butch it up.”  And strike three, someone put up a poster of Sydney Sweeney in the locker room.  In this kind of hostile work environment I just couldn’t be my authentic self.  For all these reasons I’m going back to my refrigerator box and my crew under the overpass.  Let Books enjoy his corporate fat cat existence here at the Red Lobster but I have to be real.  I have to testify to my own lived truth.

Girl Boss Anchor – That’s interesting.  David told me you were fired because you fell asleep in the Shrimp Freezer Room and had to be chiseled off of a shelf.

Jonathan Capon – There might have been something like that but there’s more to the story that I won’t reveal until the case comes to trial.

Girl Boss Anchor – Thank you Jonathan for that interesting slice of life and we await your next assignment with great interest.

Jonathan Capon – Hey, any chance of an advance?  We need a new refrigerator box after the rains.

Girl Boss Anchor – Sorry, no.

CPB Shutting Down; Red Lobster Buried Under with Resumes

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Corporation for Public Broadcasting, funder of NPR and PBS, says it will end operations within months after federal budget cuts

Well, I’m guessing this doesn’t bode well for the rest of the folks downstream of CPB.  As I’ve hinted in my parody posts the folks at PBS and NPR will start feeling a little hungry very soon.  Lightening the ship by throwing the deadwood overboard will be tricky because they’re all deadwood.

But watching it happen should provide quite a bit of entertainment this fall.  Luckily Books and Capon were on the leading edge and managed to find positions before the crush got too heavy.  I’ll have to make a point of visiting my local Red Lobster and quiz my waiter on the latest in avant-garde lesbian performance art.

Just Leave the Bow Tie Home

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PBS Anchor/Carnival Barker – It’s Friday on the News Hour and that used to mean our weekly pilgrimage over to the desk of our resident sages David Books and Jonathan Capon.  But as you know budget cuts forced us to part ways with Jonathan.  And now the second round of layoffs has done the same to David.  But all is not lost.  We have arranged a teleconference with them at their new employer the Chevy Chase branch of the Red Lobster.  Gentlemen, can you hear me.

David Books – Yes, I can.  As you can see, I’m the assistant manager here at Red Lobster and happy to have landed on my feet as it were.  And I’m relieved to say that Jonathan has escaped from the refrigerator box under the overpass and is one of my most promising new waiters.

Jonathan Capon – Well the jury is still out on this whole gig.  I was promised all the shrimp I could eat and generous tippers.  Well, the shrimp is tiny and the tips are sub-par.  But we’ll see.

PBS Anchor/Carnival Barker – Tonight we wanted to get your sense of the Trump economy.  Last quarter’s GDP was up 3% which is quite robust but we were hoping you could throw your usual cold water on the Trump parade for our viewers’ amusement.

David Books – Well normally I’d gleefully accommodate you.  But working in retail and in a very tenuous part of it I have to say I’m praying on my knees each night before bed that Trump pulls off all the miracles he can.  Now that I’m part of the great unwashed and have lost my sinecure at your underfunded hothouse media company my whole attitude has taken a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn.  I’ve got kids in expensive private colleges and if I can’t come up with twenty grand this semester those kids will be coming home and taking over my rec-room.  So, as much as it pains me to say “God bless Donald Trump!”

PBS Anchor/Carnival Barker – How about you Jonathan?  Surely you must have some of your trademark snit for Trump and his economy.

Jonathan Capon – Look, I don’t have time for this.  There are fourteen orders of King Crab Legs and a giant crab cake that are starting to get cold.  If I don’t move my gay little butt pronto, I’ll be bouncing out the door on it without a paycheck.  So, make up whatever cute little anecdotes you want for your tote-bag fixated geriatric audience but for those of us below eighty we’ve got to make a living.  All I can say is thank Trump for deporting those five Congolese guys that showed up last week.  I could never have outworked them and one of them kept pinching my butt and I think he had monkey pox.

PBS Anchor/Carnival Barker – Well, there you have it.  Trump’s American hellscape has destroyed the intelligence and the objectivity of two former beacons of cultured intellect and turned them into knuckle-dragging Trump sycophants.  A truly discouraging side-effect of the 2025 defunding of PBS.

Security Agent – Okay pal, here’s your termination notice.  We’ve got your stuff in a box so just take off the microphone and head for that door.

PBS Anchor/Carnival Barker – David, David.  Is there room for me at the Red Lobster?

David Books – Sure Barry.  There’s always room for everyone in Donald Trump’s America.  Just leave the bow tie home.

Books Without Capon

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Pitchman/Host – Well, that was a fascinating two-hour in-depth discussion on how a tote-bag ended its life as a cat sarcophagus for Mr. Fluffy Pants.  And now it’s time for us once again to receive our daily dose of wisdom from Books and Capon.  Well, of course only David Books is still on the set.  Jonathan Capon had to be let go due to “H.R. 4 – The Rescission Bill of 2025” stripping us of $1.1 billion of funding and reducing us to this endless round of begathons and hawking those lousy tote bags and crumby umbrellas.  Well, anyway hello David.

David Books – Hello Barry.  Actually, I will have Jonathan Capon on this episode.  We have a camera crew out on the street and they ran into him plying his new trade.  Hello Jonathan, how is your new career working out for you.

Jonathan Capon – Hello David, hello Barry.  Career?  Currently I’m living under an overpass in a refrigerator box and I have become the property of Big Bob and his “posse.”  It’s not great.  However there has been some talk about me taking classes to become a sidewalk mime.  Apparently, this would increase my status and Bob might be able to trade me to Carl who has two refrigerator boxes and rules over a corner that has a working fire hydrant.  Now that’s hope and change.  And how is the fund-raising going back there at the old place?

David Books – Well, not so good.  I thought I had my mother and sister committed on a tote-bag sale but at the last moment those cheap old bags reneged.  Now I’m reduced to cold-calling from the Manhattan reverse directory and avoiding the station manager in the hallways and elevators.  And last night when I went to get my car in the parking lot, someone scratched, “ALWAYS BE CLOSING” on the driver door.  They checked the security camera and I swear the guy looked like Donald Trump.  I’m a nervous wreck!

Jonathan Capon – Yeah, well, compared to keeping Big Bob satisfied I’d say you’re complaining about some real “first world problems” Davy boy.  Has there been any progress on having H.R. 4 rescinded and restoring us to the good old days.

David Books – No, not so much.  In fact, last week CBS cancelled Stephen Colbert and the whole Late Show.  There’s even talk about Kimmel and Fallon getting canned too.

Jonathan Capon – No!!!  How is that possible?  CBS is the Tifanny Network.  They speak truth to power and hold Trump accountable.

Pitchman/Host – Yeah, well it turns out Tifanny was losing forty-six big ones a year and Daddy’s gotta eat too.  So, we all have to do our part around here David.  Starting tomorrow we’re gonna have a little sales contest.  First prize is a corner office.  Second prize is a set of steak knives.  Third prize is you join Jonathan and Big Bob in the refrigerator box.  And another thing.  No more coffee until you sell a tote bag.  Coffee is for winners.  Losers clean the men’s room after hours.  And today is your turn, loser.

Jonathan Capon – Well David, maybe I’ll be seeing you around.  Better stock up on lifesavers.  Big Bob favors wintergreen.

Trump, You Magnificent Bastard, You Did It!!!

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H.R.4 – Rescissions Act of 2025 signed into law July 24th 2025.

 

https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-bill/4

It’s over, it’s over.  Books and Capon will have to panhandle outside the deserted Dept. of Education office building and turn tricks for the homeless.

What a wonderful time to be alive.  All of the dreams of my youth are coming true.  Who knows?  Maybe they’ll put Tricky Dick Nixon on the thousand dollar bill.

So remember kids, dreams really can come true.  All you need is an ornery enough bastard like Donald Trump and enough people who are sick and tired of being lied to and gaslighted by their elected officials.

Why the Delay?

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Congress passed the 2025 Rescission Bill last Friday.  And that was on the final day allowed under the special rules for a rescission bill.  What isn’t as well publicized is that President Trump has not yet signed the bill into law

The Apocalypse of Legacy Media

“All government funding for PBS and NPR, including their local affiliates, has been eliminated by recent Congressional votes. Trump has not yet signed the rescissions package into law, but it has been sent to his desk for signature after final passage by Congress. This will lead to a significant reduction in local programming; however, it is believed that national programming will survive due to other revenue streams.”

Now I find this very annoying.  I’ve been waiting on this sign-off for the better part of four days.  Maybe Trump plans a special signing ceremony and some kind of celebratory gesture; possibly slaughtering an ostrich made up to look like Big Bird and then roasting it on a spit over a coal fired stove.

Well, let’s hope this delay is over soon.

Push That Tote Bag; Always Be Closing

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Pompous News Anchor: And to round out the PBS News Hour once again we go to the peerless analysis of Books and Capon.  Good evening gentlemen.  David what effect will this recission bill have on our operation here at PBS?

David Books: Well, I think I know.  Today I received an email from upper management that stated, “Due to cutbacks in the federal funding we will have to let go half of Books and Capon.

Jonathan Capon: What?  I didn’t receive that e-mail.

David Books: Yes, they said because my name starts with a “B” and yours starts with a “C” I get preference and could decide who gets the boot.

Jonathan Capon: What?  Why that’s obvious racism and homophobia too.

David Books: Well, that’s not necessarily true.  I act pretty gay too!

Jonathan Capon: Yeah, well that’s just because you’re Canadian.  Everybody knows you have a wife and kids.

David Books: That’s a deeply anti-trans stereotype.  Why couldn’t Jenny be a trans-man?  Which would make me gay!

Jonathan Capon: Oh, give it a rest.  Look, we can’t let management cave to the Trump defunding.  We must convince them that the nation is crying out for more Books and Capon.  How can the network serve Books without Capon?  It’s unheard of.  People want their Capon.

Pompous News Anchor: Gentlemen, please show more decorum.  The bigger picture here is that we serve the American public and if some sacrifices must be made then we need to show America that we serve them selflessly.

David Books: Oh yeah?  Well, I happened to hear that your slot is being given to the blonde from Fox News that’s sleeping with the station manager.  So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Haircut!

Pompous News Anchor: Why that lying sack of ****!  I covered for him at the office party so his wife wouldn’t find out he was in the penthouse “doing inventory” with blondie!  That’s it.  I’ll be sending a couple of videos to his home as soon as I get off this stage.  I think I’ll deliver them in a PBS tote bag that won’t cost him a cent in donations!

Jonathan Capon: Oh, this is awful.  How could America do this to us?  We’ve spent the last fifty years providing Americans with all the feedback they needed to change into the kind of people that we don’t hate.  We told them that they were racists.  Then we told them that they were misogynists.  Then we told them that they were homophobes and now we’ve told them that they’re transphobes.  Without our help they wouldn’t have known all the reasons why we hate them so much.  What else did they want from us?

David Books: Well, as it turns out they wanted us to shut up.  They didn’t like any of those opinions and apparently the establishment Republicans have been lying to us all these years when they said we were making friends and influencing people with our “helpful comments.”  In fact, the pollsters have been lying to us too.  It turns out this really is a center-right country and the Left doesn’t have enough viewers to pay for public television.  So, Capon you’re gonna have to hit the road.

Jonathan Capon: But how will I earn a living?

David Brooks: Drag Queen Story Hour?

Jonathan Capon: Well, it does have the word hour in it.