Ah, the Spring Honey Do List. The most fiendish accumulation of annoying indoor and outdoor chores imaginable to the fevered brains of wives. I had just finished what I thought was my chores for the day and had taken a shower when I saw Camera Girl raking the leaves off of the edge of the woods and her flower beds. Now there is no more useless pursuit than raking leaves out of a forest but what can I say? Female fastidiousness is as powerful as it is inexplicable to the mind of man. When I saw the piles of leaves she had raked I foresaw her stooping to pick up all those leaves and painstakingly haul them to the other side of the property to her mulch pile and knew it would take days and break her back. So, I rushed out and told her to leave the leaves(!) to me and I’d chop them with my push mower. Hearing that I would be doing this she then proceeded to finish off the other woods for the sake of completeness. Ah Chihuahua! Well, no good deed goes unpunished.
But honestly chopping leaves with my trash mower is kind of fun. After four to eight passes (depending on how wet they are) the leaves just about disappear into thin air. It’s remarkable what steel and kinetic energy can achieve. And I did get to see all the plants she uncovered along the woods. The day lilies are about four inches tall.
The hostas near the woods haven’t appeared at all and some small woodland plants are already out and about.
After she left, I spent another half hour disintegrating the remaining leaves. When I returned inside Camera Girl came running over and thanked me profusely for sparing her all that stoop labor of moving the leaves to her mulch pile. And I thought to myself, “I am a good person, amn’t I? Why else would she be so happy. So, over the course of the evening several times I reminded her of how nice it was of me to come to her rescue and take care of the leaves. But what I noticed was that after each iteration of my reminder her gratitude seemed to diminish. And, in fact the decrease accelerated. At the end I believe it tailed off sort of like the curve of y=1/Xn where n= the number of reminders and y= her enthusiasm for the reminders. So, her enthusiasm approached zero as a limit but never quite reached it.
I brought up this observation to her. She used some Italian hand gestures from her distant past and went back to the cooking tasks that she was busy with. It’s a shame that her high school back in Sheepshead Bay didn’t do a better job of preparing her mathematically for her life ahead. Being able to graph and recognize the various curves of common functions is a basic requirement of our technological age. But we all have to be flexible and adapt ourselves to people as we find them. And that is a tenet of my relationship with her and I remind her of it from time to time.














