Any of the regular readers know that I dabble in ridiculous satire with a cartoon version of President Trump and absurd versions of all our favorite Washington villains. Ove the last couple of years I’ve had newly elected President Trump become a werewolf and devour the State Department just to help drain the Swamp. I’ve indulged in time travel, personality transfer technology and the President and the First Lady opening up a dating service to help Millennials avoid dying childless. Nothing was beyond the pale.
But how can I compete with the Resistance? A senior Senator from the great State of California introduced a woman who accused Brett Kavanaugh of complicity in multiple occurrences of gang rape at a college fraternity. How can I compete with that? I mean, after the first “incident” would there be a rationale for returning? Was it just to make sure she wasn’t mistaken with respect to the nature of the proceedings?
The only way I can think of to keep up with real life is have one of the Resistance testify before the Senate to having been abducted onto a flying saucer at the hands of Space Alien Brett Kavanaugh. That might work! But I will have to work on the details. Is Alien Brett a humanoid alien indistinguishable from earthlings? Or is he one of the Star Trek, The Next Generation aliens that have some kind of wrinkles on their brow that saves enormous amounts of money on expensive latex costumes? Or is he a really disgusting worm or squid or something and only looks human when he wants to like from Men in Black? These are tough questions to decide on. I guess from the point of view of the Resistance, there is no more horrible monster than a normal white man so if he’s that kind of alien it would sure make the conviction easy. If he’s got the brow wrinkles he still looks mostly like a white man but it might earn him enough diversity points to confuse the shrieking harpies. And if he’s a squid then the tree huggers will probably declare him an endangered species and declare him king of the world. Decisions, decisions.
Well, anyway, you see my predicament. Life has completely swamped out parody and satire. There are literally no limits to the tactics these people will stoop to. They will destroy anyone and everyone who stands in the way of their agenda. I’ve maintained that the Alt-Right, Dissident Right or whatever else people call it is wrong to think that we can’t get back to normal. They claim that the country is broken and all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men are out of luck. I’ve somewhat waveringly hoped that the Trumpocalypse will right the ship and we can cobble together a new coalition of the less crazy that can eliminate the toxic excesses of Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society and try to rebuild on the ruins of the old society that really was great. But it gets harder and harder to believe that the idiots on the establishment right are capable of withstanding the beating they will take if they try to resist the Resistance. I mean it was sort of entertaining to hear Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell make noises like un-neutered men. It was novel and it made me feel almost sympathetic for their plight. Almost. But they’re gonna have to do a whole lot better than that if they want to win. Meanwhile let me get that copy of Galaxy Quest off the shelf. I’m going with squid.