Forsaking my usual patron deity, the great goddess Atrophia, I made a burnt offering of 2X4s and a mitre box at the altar of Δόμος Επίδοσις, The Muse of Home Improvement. The smoke was propitious. An eagle flew from left to right across the sky and dropped a 3/8″ hex head socket at my feet which I took as a sign from Zeus that all was well. Filling my chariot with lag bolts, drill bits, pry bars, extension cords, two throwing spears and a two-ply bull-hide shield I thundered onto the plain of battle prepared to perform mighty deeds of valor.
My enemies fled before the baleful fire that flashed from my eyes. I grabbed my weapons, jumped from the chariot and attacked on the run. Within an hour I was victorious. All my enemies were vanquished and I raised a trophy of the spoils of war. Epic bards and rhapsodes will sing the praises of this day for millennia to come. Go pound sand, Achilles.
That fence post support worked like a charm. The post is straight and solid as a rock. And the steel should last long after I’m mulch in the ground. But there was no parade. No hecatombs burned in my honor. Sometimes it barely pays to be a demi-god.
Today I went out armed with enthusiasm and determination. Also with bespoke fence supports, rebar, sledge hammers, levels, shovels and stainless steel screws. And after several hours I came back a broken man. My only solace is that I learned a valuable lesson, namely whatever you assume the worst case is, quadruple it.
My predecessor at the Compound was an inveterate do-it-yourselfer. Which I’m sure saved him scads of money on contractors. However, it meant that orthodoxy was not something he was held to. When putting in a wooden fence it is best practice to set the posts in concrete. Apparently Mr. DIY decided that was way too belts and suspenders for him. So bye bye to bespoke supports. Hello to hammering in any wooden or metal stakes I could get my hands on and nailing them to the posts. Even aside from the unpleasing aesthetics of this makeshift solution, my confidence in the dependability of these repairs is very low.
I guess this spring, I will get to experiment with installing concrete footings. But as a very lazy man my soul rebels at the enormous effort I’ll be expending. Oh, the pain, the pain.
Well now by comparison writing a post or two seems like a walk in the park. I’ll be doing a review of another of the last of the Star Trek season three episodes. It was terrible but now I have something worse to compare it to, home improvement catastrophe.