August, September and October will be consumed with talking about Kamala Harris? It doesn’t seem possible. There’s just nothing there. They’ve got to throw us something else or we’ll all go insane. I guess the next thing will be her vice-presidential pick. Can you imagine that? Being second banana to Kamala Harris? In a sense Kamala Harris was the perfect person to be the back up to Joe Biden. An emotionally unstable nitwit would complement a dementia patient well enough. But what would be one rung below her? I don’t know, a roll of bubble wrap? One of those door-stops that’s made out of a spring?
I suppose, to distract us Joe Biden can start a war with someone. It’ll have to be with one of our allies. We can’t afford to lose to one of our enemies. Currently our navy is taking incoming from something called the Houthis which sounds like a Star Wars race that should look like lobster-men. Apparently, we’re now being attacked by smaller and smaller organizations. Eventually we’ll work our way down to where TikTok influencers will be calling us out.
But yes, Joe Biden is going to need something to do for the next six months while he waits for his brain to reach zero-charge and he expires behind the Resolute desk. So, a war makes sense. It doesn’t have to be a real war. In fact, a fake war will be much better. Now that Betty Boop doesn’t have to run press conferences for President Meathead she can be repurposed as Joe’s babysitter. She can bring him ice cream and give him war updates. And to simplify things for the personnel who run the White House tours they can move Joe down into the bunker.
Breathless news of great victories and tragic defeats could be delivered every few hours and lulls in the battle could coincide with his 1:30 pm nap. I think it would suffice if they could get him the deluxe edition of Risk and let him set up the board on a card table next to his Lazy Boy. If he’s smart, he’ll build up his defenses on Alaska and Greenland and get those five armies for North America every turn. The smart money is to expand into South America and Africa after that. Europe will be tough although he’s already got a lot of armies in Ukraine so there’s that. Well, I won’t second guess Biden. He is a strategic giant so I’ll just wait for his memoirs to come out in “Highlights” magazine to learn how he conquered the world again.
We’ll have to get through the next three and a half months somehow. I think I might skip the Kamala speeches altogether. Listening to her talk about her racial and sexual grievances would be way too annoying. Perhaps I can come up with a completely non-election-based series of topics to get me to December. And at that point many things will have been decided by the outcome of our political drama. I think this election will be an endpoint for a lot of things. A Kamala Harris presidency would be a benchmark. People in the future could point to it as the official beginning of post-America. Perhaps I should start drafting an obituary. It would be the decent thing to do.