Cat Ladies are scared. They can’t tell who voted for Trump. They say they want Kamala voters to wear a blue bracelet to identify them to each other. And they want to shave their heads. And they want to wear COVID masks. Well, that’s a lot of stuff. So, I guess there is potentially 48% of white women out there who might start walking around with shaved heads, surgical masks and blue bracelets.
I’ve gotta say, that’s a pretty horrendous situation. Most of these blue-haired cat ladies aren’t the most attractive bunch. As a group they’re also pretty grouchy to start with and now after the election they’re going on TikTok and Instagram and yelling a lot and threatening to stop having sex. And that’s fine. I don’t think anyone is going to insist they have sex. In fact, for a lot of them it might be for the best. I’m no expert on modern relationships but I think, for the most part, most men prefer women with hair. And a lot of them prefer a woman who doesn’t hate men. Maybe not all but a lot of them.
And even for us who don’t plan to have sex with random former-blue-haired bald women, we still have to see them walking around with their bald heads. It’s not great. I mean you get used to women having hair. It’s going to be like some kind of dystopian science fiction story with these ugly bald women wearing masks and glaring at us without blue bracelets. And do you think that the blue hair dye will end up dyeing their heads blue too? I don’t think I could deal with that. Bald blue-headed angry women wearing surgical masks. It’s a bit much.
As a man with short hair I can say definitively that a shaved head makes living in the northeast more difficult. As bald people well know the human body loses a lot of heat from the head and this is exacerbated by baldness. I don’t know if these women are aware. Maybe they’ll reconsider. I’ll bet a lot of them don’t even have hats anymore. Well, these particular women probably have those pink hats from their marches back in 2017. I guess they could repurpose those to keep their bald heads warm in the winter. That wouldn’t be so bad. So maybe this won’t be so bad. I wonder if we could persuade them to wear the hats indoors too. We could compliment them on how nice the hats make them look. You know compliment them, respectfully. Not hit on them or anything. Not enough to get them thinking about sex again. Just enough to keep those hats on their big bald blue heads.
As I said, a lot of these women are very angry. They keep talking about attacking and shooting Trump voters. That’s not good. I mean, who would want to be punched or shot by an angry bald-headed woman? I know I don’t. It would be embarrassing to admit.
Maybe I should get me one of those blue bracelets. How much could it cost; five, six bucks? Of course, if it’s a lot more maybe I can make on out of blue electrical wire. I’ll go to Home Depot and buy a spool of it and braid it into a bracelet. Well, that sounds like a plan.
Honestly, we live in difficult times. Just when you think that you’ve conquered the worst problems something new comes along. Like nose rings. I was always freaked out when I saw people, especially women with nose rings. I always wondered if when their nose was running did it drip down the nose ring? And then I thought maybe that was a workable situation. When they had a cold, they could attach a length of tubing to the bottom of the nose ring and let the snot run off into a bottle or something. I thought of patenting this idea but then I figured some nose ring wearer probably already thought of it. So, I didn’t.
Well, the world marches on. Alright then, bald headed women.
