Today is my regular Wednesday zoom call with the boys and of course we were hooting about last night’s speech. Everyone loved the hilarious jabs at Biden, the endless list of billion-dollar boondoggles cut from USAID and Trump’s droll braggadocio of his list of accomplishments. But I think I had them laughing hardest when I reminded them of the three hundred- and fifty-year-old social security recipient. I thought a couple of them were going to have a stroke or swallow their tongues. I think everyone inherently senses how this absurdity just encapsulates what runaway bureaucracy looks like in its terminal stage. As Trump said, “This guy is a hundred years older than the country but he’s still on the rolls!” You have to have a kind of primal respect for someone defending a lie that big. It’s epic.
Now some would rightly point to the much greater financial impact of there being many millions of Americans claiming to be alive after 110, 120, 130 and even 140 years of age. The benefits for millions of people are enormous. They’re in the tens of billions of dollars. They are an outrage and they should be crimes that are rooted out and punished. Even the people just working in the social security department and ignoring the absurdity of these impossible ages should be punished.
And yet I can’t help but hearken back the Sesquarcentennial Man. So that means he was born in 1675 AD. Isaac Newton and Louis XIV of France were still alive back then. In that year King Philip’s War broke out, as the Wampanoags attacked Swansea, Massachusetts. Maybe Sesquarcentennial Man remembers the trauma of those frightening days. Maybe he still requires medication to deal with the fear. But whatever else we can say about him the most important characteristic he possesses is that we’re still paying for him. And without Elon Musk we probably would continue to pay for him until the US Treasury finally closes its doors and goes out of business.
So yeah, we got a hoot out of it and thank you Donald Trump for your love of comedy. But the real point is that the federal government is filled with people making six figure salaries while ignoring the apparently endless incompetence and corruption going on all around them with no concern for how it impacts their fellow Americans or the country as a whole.
Well, I think it just hardens our resolve to see DOGE fire as many of these useless and despicable individuals as is humanly possible. We should want to see the number of federal employees reduced to the bare minimum possible through the use of automation and continuous improvement of the systems and processes needed to perform the critical functions of the government. And by eliminating all non-essential functions of government. No more research studies into fields that the government has no business funding. If anyone has an unquenchable curiosity about the sex lives of any animal (including humans) let him pay for that voyeuristic pursuit out of his own pocket. And likewise for every other pseudoscientific time sink. Fund yourselves.
But more than anything else, I want to know about Sesquarcentennial Man. Who is (or was) he? How many descendants has he? And most urgently, who’s cashing his social security checks. Elon, can you help us out here?
