As much as it pains me, I think I’ll have to accept that we’re going to lose Creepy Uncle Joe. As my regular readers are aware of, I opined that Biden would be the candidate. And I waxed poetic on the glories of a Biden filled debate experience, the gaffes, the non-sequiturs, possibly even lewd hand gestures. But it was not meant to be.
This isn’t easy for me to accept. I was sure he’d have staying power and once he unleashed the “Corn Pop” narrative I thought the troops would rally around his standard. But I fear it’s too late. Knowledge of just how crooked Joe and Hunter Biden were has permeated the American consciousness. I fear Uncle Joe is toast. No more sidling up and shoulder clutching or hair sniffing. I fear Joe has fondled his last ambassador’s wife.
So, who shall it be? Well things have settled out and the outcome seems clear. Fauxcahantas is neck and neck with Creepy Uncle Joe and his backers are pulling back. Comrade Bernie had a heart attack and appears relatively low energy at this point. His numbers are trailing off and I assume he’ll be out of the race after New Hampshire. No one else besides these three has been able to break single digits since early August. At this point Kamala, Mayor Butt, Spartacus and the rest of that pack of losers are running to see who will be the running mate. Therefore, Granny Clampett will be the Dem nominee.
Now that I’ve reconciled with the loss of Uncle Joe, it’s time to analyze the correct strategy for defeating the Fake Indian. And that is an important thing to do. She will get the same royal treatment that Hillary got when she was running. As soon as she is the presumptive nominee all polls from that point forward will permanently show her ahead of the President by between five and twenty percentage points. Also, she will receive nothing but favorable press and every week will feature a puff piece explaining how a woman president is not only the natural result of evolution but also what is predicted, based on being on the right side of history. And Bill Kristol will declare her the true conservative choice in the race.
I think the important thing to remember is that she will undoubtedly get 100% of the college educated, unmarried, white women’s vote (aka blue-haired cat ladies, present and future). This is her natural constituency, what the Z-Man would call the vinegar drinking scolds. She will also get a large chunk of soccer moms, maybe 45% – 55%. She will get 0% of white working-class men and women. She will get 30% of upper and middle-class white men. She will get 95% of the black vote. She will get 65% of the Hispanic vote.
But here’s the important point, black and Hispanic voters will only come out to vote for her if they are motivated to do so. If their voters aren’t excited about her, they’ll stay home in droves. And aside from her fifth-grade teacher’s-nails on the chalkboard-voice, what would turn off the minority voters? Well how about a fluorescently white woman who used a fake story of minority ancestry to get her a spot on the Faculty of Harvard Law School? Gee, that might raise a little resentment. If you were Mexican or Guatemalan, would you want someone who benefitted obscenely from pretending to have Native American blood getting your vote? I’m guessing not. And even if she’s pushing slavery reparations and has Kamala Harris as her running mate, I’m not sure that the black voters are really going to embrace her. Basically, she’s not exactly Barack Obama.
So how do you highlight her dishonesty? One thing that would work would be to have a tv ad with a Native American spokesman condemning her for the dishonesty and injustice of stealing a spot reserved for someone who truly was a Native American. This could be reinforced with the text released by the Cherokee nation condemning Warren for her dishonesty and for using her DNA test as some kind of feeble defense.
The timing of this campaign is probably best delayed until the run up to the actual election day. The middle of October seems like the right time. Coordinated with this strategy, it would make sense for the President to go after her during the debates on her dishonesty. A sort of relentless drum beat of accusations on her dishonesty and unfairness to Native Americans sounds like a winning strategy to me. And, of course it wouldn’t hurt to showcase some of her other weak points. Her acceptance of the insanely stupid “Green New Deal” that Ocasio-Cortez dreamed up should be especially easy to attack. With a price tag that probably far exceeds estimates of $94 trillion and an agenda that will crash our economy and deprive us of the energy sources that make modern life economically possible any rational voters will reject candidate who has bought into it.
But the most appealing strategy to apply against Liarwatha is to appeal to people’s innate fear of having to listen interminably to her annoying voice. The prospect of being hectored for four years by a shrew like her would make any man and many women recoil in horror. I envision a commercial with a cartoon version of Betty Warren shaking her finger at a crowd of Americans and lecturing them about their responsibilities to the future and reminding them that whatever individual accomplishments they may have achieved that, “you didn’t build that!”
Well, I guess if I have to give up Creepy Uncle Joe, Fauxcahantas won’t be so bad. I estimate there’s at least a 30% chance she’ll stroke out during the debates. And after defeating Hillary and Liarwatha the Dems may give the woman candidate thing a pass in 2024. But then again who knows. We can always hope that Joe comes back as an 82-year-old trans-gender Creepy Grandma Josephine for an even more exciting race in the future. He did say there were at least three genders.