Fredo went against the Family. No not the Cuomo Crime Family. He went against the #MeToo family. So, they took him out on the lake and now he sleeps with the fish. Don Lemon will now be the sole contestant for the title “Stupidest Human on Television.” Without Fredo CNN will lose a whole demographic of viewers. The short attention span viewer will permanently tune CNN out. They’ll drift away to reality tv or possibly watch shiny spinning objects. They’ve lost their man.
Seriously, as much as I despise the people who fired him, I’m delighted to hear that the last of the Cuomos are now unemployed. From Mario to Fredo they have infested New York politics and embarrassed Italian Americans for over fifty years. To never have to see Fredo’s “deer in the headlights” expression again on the television is a blessing.
Of course, I haven’t considered whether Fredo might find something outside of news. Maybe something in the entertainment industry. I know it’s probably beyond him but maybe he could become a rodeo clown. It’s honest work and his face would be an asset. He wouldn’t need makeup and I’m sure the bulls and bucking broncs will be fascinated by his dim-witted stare. Or possibly he could become a carny. Not one of the barkers. That’s too skilled. Maybe he could throw sawdust on the beer barf. That’s not so hard. That’s it! His next gig will be beer barf sawdust guy. And if he studies hard and applies himself, one day, he could become the cotton candy guy. Only in America.
Really my only worry is the possibility of a next generation. Could Andrew and Chris have progeny that might one day show up in the public space? I tend to think this is unlikely. Based on the drop off in intelligence between Mario and his sons I assume the next generation will fall right out of the human spectrum and end up with IQ’s in the single digits. That would put them in a class with planaria and other flatworms. Even CNN couldn’t employ them.
So, I guess this is it. Farewell Fredo. We hardly knew ye. Or we hardly wanted to know ye. Or something.