As the Cuomo Tragicomedy grinds on the only thing that is certain is that by the end the voters of New York will wish they had Andy back as governor. Not that he is a good governor. Far from it. He is a petty vindictive dope. But compared to what will follow he is Pericles.
And really, I am just tuning in for the laughs. The first high note will be when the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences takes back Andrew’s Emmy Award. That will strike at the very heart of who he is. The loss of legitimacy will probably force him to resign his office.
The second important moment will be when Fredo turns on him. All of this scandal has been terrifying for Fredo. He doesn’t really know how to navigate these treacherous straits. So far, he has gotten by leaning on the fraternal loyalty schtick. It’s definitely wearing thin and eventually he’ll have to move against Andy. It will have to involve some flavor of Fredo being the victim of all this dishonesty. If I thought Fredo was bold enough I’d guess he’d go transgender. That would completely inoculate him from the contagion of patriarchal guilt. And who knows, maybe someone will think it up for him. That would be a great sideshow. He could even change his last name to Cuoma to literally divorce himself from the masculine gender. I’m hoping it will work itself out on air on CNN. Possibly Don Lemon can perform some kind of ritual mounting of Fredo to symbolize the defeat of white straight cis hetero something or other. Well, whatever they come up with won’t be that funny but still, it’ll be worth a laugh or two. It’s built into the trade mark Chris Cuomo deer in the headlights look into the camera. In fact, it’s a family trait. I remember I was told about the press conference where Andy was asked about the public policy of his administration in sending COVID patients back into the nursing homes to infect the other patients. When I viewed the video, Andy had that same deer in the headlights look on his face. I’m not even sure he knew what the policy was. It just shows that Mario’s sons aren’t all that very bright.
But as I say, what will follow Andy in the Governor’s mansion will make him look like Abraham Lincoln in comparison. It will be a vindictive woman of color and she will torture everyone in that state until they flee in horror. It should be marvelous. I will especially enjoy her torturing her white sisters relentlessly. I assume they will be the primary subject of her wrath and they will be the ones dispossessed even more vindictively than white men.
I notice that I haven’t even addressed the sexual crimes that Andy has been accused of. So far, they still pale in comparison to what Groper Joe got away with in the Senate. We won’t even consider what Bill Clinton got up to as Governor of Arkansas. Andy kissed a couple of women and I think he touched a woman’s stomach under the pretense of admiring her abs. And he propositioned a couple of them too. Well as a Democrat leader of a blue state, these are hanging offenses. And I couldn’t be happier that they are being used as the icing on the cake for shoving him out of office. All of these male feminists should have to suffer the consequences of advocating the double standards of modern feminism. I will relish every moment of his obligatory groveling to the matriarchy.
And finally, what will the future hold for Andy? Could he actually serve time? Probably not for the COVID deaths. That was just the usual stupidity of elected officials. For that you get kicked out of office. But could he be locked up for sex crimes? I think he might! So, there could be even more fun to come.