Month: May 2021

Max Boot REPAIRman

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(Wide shot of Max Boot in his “REPAIR” blue overalls and hat.)

Max Boot (MB) – Hi, everyone out there in TV land, I’m Max Boot and you probably remember me from such zany adventures as Fallujah Redux, Green Zone Follies and Libya for the Win.  We’ve had such good times over the years patrolling all the sandy areas of the middle east and bringing democracy and transgender rights to every corner of the Muslim world.  Why, I just can’t imagine where the time has gone.  But now I’m here on a much more serious subject.  White supremacists and anti-war fanatics have struck at the most sacred symbol of our nation, Dick Cheney.  Not directly of course.  They wouldn’t dare come after the Deadeye Dick.  He’d give them a face full of buckshot like he did that guy at the quail shoot.  But the cowards have attacked his daughter, Liz, the delicate flower of our movement.

Because of this I’m here today to rally all of you to our cause.  We are building a new party.  I wanted to call it the Party of War but you know how these babies can be.  “Oooh!  War is scary,” the say.  So, we’ve named it the “REPAIR” party which stands for “Stand Up Republic & The Republican Political Alliance for Integrity and Reform.”  Wow, that’s a mouthful.  And really the letters don’t line up to the acronym.  War would be so much easier.  Well, whatever.

So, we’re here to repair the Conservative movement.  We will lead them back to the sanity of military transgenderism.  That’s right.  I’m here to say that once we’ve transgendered everyone in the US military we’ll be ready to clean up the world.  Well, maybe not immediately.  That surgery hurts like a bastard, I’ve been told.  But shortly after we’ll be bringing our new rainbow brigade to a Red State near you where we’ll smoke those white supremacists out of their hiding places and fix their wagons.

But first we’ve got to win this war, I mean, campaign.  We’ll be launching our own slate of candidates and telling the country about our platform.  We’ll start with Liz Cheney.  She’ll join our party and we’ll invade Wyoming with our campaign army and we won’t leave until victory is declared.

You might be asking yourselves, “Why is old Max Boot wearing a mechanic’s uniform.  Well, that’s easy to explain.  REPAIR is the acronym for our party and this uniform reminds you that I’m here to repair the United States.  And whenever you see one of our commercials or go to our rallies, we’ll all be wearing the uniform.  Of course, if you see Evan McMullin, his uniform will say Evan or Ev maybe.  If Tom Ridge is there it’ll say Tom or Tommy maybe.  If Anthony Scaramucci is there it’ll say Anthony or maybe Tony.  He’s Italian you know and they shorten it that way you know.  If Liz Cheney joins us, I mean when she joins us, we’ll give her the gender appropriate sizing version of the uniform.  A little looser here and tighter there.  Well, maybe not tighter anywhere.  It’s hard to get enough exercise in Congress.  Even Deadeye put on a pound or two.  In fact, you know if Dick was wearing a wig, he’d look a lot like Liz.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  One day he may wake up and say, “I’ve changed my mind.  Call me Erica.”  Boy that would be something.  Really something.

Well, that’s neither here nor there.  First things first.  If you send us a check for a thousand dollars, we’ll send you a REPAIR ball cap in your very own size.  If you send us ten thousand dollars, we’ll personalize the cap with your name on it (four letters or less).  And if you send us one hundred thousand dollars, we’ll send you the entire uniform with your name on the pocket (no limit on letters!).  So that’s the deal.  Operators are standing by for your order.  So, join the REPAIR crew and help us fix the mess we’re in.

Max Boot out!

The NeverTrumpers Threaten to Leave the Republican Party!

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Oh no!  We might lose Charlie Dent, Michael Steele, Mary Peters, Denver Riggleman and Christine Todd Whitman from the Republican party.  And even worse we could lose Anthony Scaramucci!  Apparently kicking Liz Cheney from her leadership position in the House Republican conference has outraged the NeverTrumpers … again.  And they threaten to flounce out of the party and this time they’re going to start their own party!

Well, that does sound scary.  But in line with my policy of creative spite I feel like we shouldn’t waste this opportunity to mock, humiliate and infuriate these losers.  After all, what exactly does it mean for them to leave the Republican party again?  Didn’t they vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016?  Didn’t they vote for Joe Biden in 2020?  How exactly can they increase their opposition to the Right.  Will they double their already constant presence on CNN and MSNBC?  Is that possible?  Will they be able to forego sleep to create this omnipresent ranting?

The story is they are threatening to take their 100 “leaders” and decamp for a new “party” that will thereby hobble the Republicans in the 2022 elections.  Well, good riddance.  After we separate the pundits and geriatric has-beens from this gang of one hundred, exactly how many actual politicians will we have?  Liz Cheney?  Adam Kinzinger?  I’ll bet Mitt Romney won’t be there.  Not even Susan Collins.  They know where their bread is buttered.  They’ve got their cushy spots in the Republican herd.  Only the losers who know they’re headed for primary defeat will join this loser club.  And even these won’t stay very long after it’s apparent that all it guarantees is that they will have to sit at the geek table in the cafeteria.  I did see William Weld, Evan McMullin and Tom Ridge on the list.  Weld was the governor of Massachusetts back in the early 1990’s.  Evan McMullin ran pitifully against Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential race.  Tom Ridge served in the George W. Bush administration as, I think, head of Homeland Security.  After that the list is a blank to me.

I really think we should encourage this thing as much as possible.  I’m only disappointed that the well-known NeverTrumpers in the press didn’t add their impressive weight to this list.  Knowing that Bill Krystal, Jonah Goldberg and company were going to stop claiming to be Republicans would be a great blessing.

Wait, I’ve just found two great names, Mona Charen and Max Boot.  I didn’t know Charen claimed to be a Republican.  That’s news to me.  And how exactly do we still have Max Boot?  He’s been foaming at the mouth since 2016 and I thought he had declared a fatwah against the Republicans in 2018.

Looking at this list I think we might actually gain votes.  Knowing that your vote was against Max Boot might be enough to get a really lazy man up off his couch and cast his vote just out of spite.  I only hope that they field a really inspirational presidential candidate in 2024 like John McCain.  Sure he’s dead but he’s got real name recognition and he’s guaranteed to get a few votes in Arizona, maybe.  But then again 2024 is a really long time from now.  I’m not sure this grand coalition will last that long.  Let’s just hope they can get Liz Cheney to run on the REPAIR platform in 2022.  That’s the acronym for “Stand Up Republic & The Republican Political Alliance for Integrity and Reform.”  That ‘s the name of this thing.  I think they should rename it Stand Up in Defense (of something or other) and they could us the acronym STUPID.

Here’s the full list of the signatories to this august new venture.

David Almacy

Daniel Barkhuff

Steve Bartlett

Christopher Bayley

Michael Belitzky

Nate Bell

John Bellinger

David Billings

Mike Bober

Tatyana Bolton

Max Boot

Valerie Boyd

Tim Boyle

Joel Brenner

Shellie Bressler

Randy Brockway

Michael Burchstead

Lucy Caldwell

Tom Campbell

Steve Carey

Arne Carlson

Davy Carter

Rod Chandler

Mona Charen

Michael Chertoff

Eliot Cohen

Tom Coleman

Barbara Comstock

George Conway

H. Bryan Cunningham

Marilee Cunningham

Soren Dayton

Charlie Dent

Murray Dickman

C.J. Diegel

Charles Djou

T. Greg Doucette

David Durenberger

Mickey Edwards

Chip Felkel

Mindy Finn

John Fluharty

Emil Frankel

Christopher Gagin

Stuart Gerson

Wayne Gilchrest

Jim Glassman

Jim Greenwood

Michael Hayden

Jim Hendren

Thomas Hill

Rachel Hoff

Jennifer Horn

Reed Howard

Joe Hunter

Edward Tobin III

Bob Inglis

Charles Jeter

Karen Johnson

Bryan Jones

Laura Holmes Jost

Paul Jost

Bobbie Kilberg

William Kilberg

John Kingston

Karen Kirksey

Jim Kolbe

Hannah Kummer

James Kunder

Justin Kurth

Gene Kussart

Rick Lazio

James Leach

John LeBoutillier

Eli Lehrer

Marty Linksy

R.J. Lyman

Mike Madrid

Bruce Maloch

Chad Mayes

Heath Mayo

Molly McKew

Evan McMullin

David Meeks

Jerid Miller

Paul Mitchell

John Mitnick

Connie Morella

Mike Murphy

John Negroponte

Sophia Nelson

Elizabeth Neumann

William O’Reilly

Robert Orr

Eileen Padberg

Richard Painter

Robert Patricelli

James Peppe

Susan Del Percio

Jacob Perry

Mary Peters

Thomas Petri

Trevor Potter

Kristopher Purcell

Sam Reid

Reid Ribble

Tom Ridge

Scott Rigell

Denver Riggleman

Ted Roosevelt

Jonathan Rose

Paul Rosenzweig

Andrew Sagor

Mark Sanford

Matthew Sarelson

Anthony Scaramucci

Glenn Schatz

Lynn Schmidt

Claudine Schneider

Gabriel Schoenfeld

Joel Searby

Tara Setmayer

Rina Shah

Jeffrey Shane

Robert Shanks

Neal Simon

Shermichael Singleton

Peter Smith

Michael Steele

Miles Taylor

Jeff Timmer

Olivia Troye

Stanley Twardy, Jr.

Michelle Udall

Chris Vance

Kathy Varga

Josh Venable

Joe Walsh

Matt Walton

Mark Weatherford

Jack Weinstein

Bill Weld

Christine Todd Whitman

Gregory Wilson

Cole Wist

Charles Work

Bob Worsley

Julie Wright

Bob Yudin

Dov Zakheim

Dick Zimmer

13MAY2021 – OCF Update – Morale Boost

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After reading Max Morton’s essay, “Semper Tyrannis – Always a Tyrant,” I was so disgusted with this country that I decided I needed to do something life affirming.  So, I was “at play in the fields of the Lord.”  I set up my granddaughter’s outside gymnasium, prepped the lawn tractor for the season, cut the grass and opened up the pool for the season.  It was great.  Not once did I think of the KGB in Washington, not the FBI, not the CIA, not Google, Facebook or Twitter.  And that has restored my faith in reality.

After all, if Hungary and Poland could go from repressive communist regimes to bastions of anti-woke sanity then anything is possible.  Maybe Americans will find their spines and flip Washington the bird.  And if they don’t then this isn’t the only game in town.  It’s a big world and someone somewhere will be willing to take a stand against the madness that has infected our society.

I was talking about this with a friend.  He mentioned Singapore and then listed the negatives.  It’s on the Equator and has a climate like a sauna.  It is ruled by a benevolent despot who will have you caned for chewing gum in the subway.  It has a high cost of living and cultures that are pretty alien to westerners.

I told him, “I’m willing to forego gum chewing if it means that the subways are actually safe and a mob won’t show up at my door to burn me out because I’m the wrong color.  And as far as an alien culture, our culture feels pretty alien to me right now so what am I losing?”

Don’t misunderstand me, I would love to be here when America comes to its senses and drives our woke overlords into the sea.  I would give five years of my life to see my family living in the land of the free and the home of the brave.  But let’s be real.  We don’t live in that place anymore.  And we may never be able to win it back.  If someone defies the tyrants and restarts the republic I’ll follow in a heartbeat.  But every day that passes makes me think the chances are slimmer and slimmer.

But as I said there are options.  None will ever be as good as what we had in the past but if this country is willing to wallow in madness and slavery then those who can’t stomach that life will leave and make a life somewhere else.  It’s sad but it’s sadder still to sink into depraved servitude.

So, it’s been a good day and I think I’ll send a sympathetic e-mail to Liz Cheney and suggest that if this whole political thing hasn’t worked out for her maybe she can take off a few pounds and join the Marines and find out what combat is like from the front lines.  After all she has always enjoyed the idea of other people dying for her country maybe she can take a turn.  She looks like special forces material to me.

Max Morton Has Another Great Read – Semper Tyrannus—Always a Tyrant

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If you can stand hearing the details of how the George W. Bush administration kicked out the last of our constitutional rights by weaponizing the FBI read it here.  It’s starting to remind me of the flavor of Solzhenitsyn’s Gulag Archipelago.  They have built a machine to make us the slaves of the Deep State.  I’m starting to wonder whether even if a Red State nullifies the unconstitutional laws whether anyone would be safe to stand against them.  At this point anyone who tells them no is liable to be whisked off to a Super Max prison and never heard from again.

How the hell did we come to this?  Maybe it makes more sense to just get out.