Month: June 2024

“Mr. Chairman, I Nominate President Joe Biden’s Reanimated Corpse”

photog Biden Humor, Current Events, Humor , , , ,

I think a consensus is growing that Joe Biden is one of the “walking dead.”  Okay, maybe technically he’s still alive.  He hasn’t equilibrated to room temperature or anything but essentially he’s a mindless zombie, animated by some occult power that is directly or indirectly tied to voodoo.

And with this consensus comes the necessity of renaming him.  Currently all newscasters make a point of referring to the president as “President Joe Biden.”  It’s never “President Biden.”   It’s as if they’re afraid we might confuse him with some other President Biden.  Perhaps they’re leaving out hope for an eventual President Hunter Biden.  Who knows?

Well, fine, now I want to give him an even more specific name.  I want him designated as “President Joe Biden’s reanimated corpse.”  I think this formulation captures perfectly all of the facets of Biden.  He’s not only Biden, he’s not only the president, but he’s also a zombie in good standing.  Just watching him shambling along moaning, falling down and befouling himself upholds the finest traditions of the classic zombie profile.  And the deathly pallor, vacant stare and incoherent muttering calls up flashbacks of George Romero’s classic Night of the Living Dead.

And in honor of Biden’s homage to this classic film I want to urge that all of Joe’s voters show up on election night dressed as zombies in order to signal their solidarity with our Undead Guy in Chief.  Show up disheveled, spattered in blood and dirt and clutching a half-eaten forearm.  Proudly support the ghoulish incumbent and feel free to gibber and moan when asked which district you’re from.  But at least have the decency to have your driver’s license when you show up.  Don’t be a jerk and waste everybody’s time.

Hopefully the media will have the good sense to arrange a third presidential debate on October 31st.  Only on Halloween will the reanimated corpse of Joe Biden truly reach his full potential and perform at his full capacity.  My hope is that the moderator will be Don Lemon and Undead Joe lives up to his full potential by wandering over to the moderator’s table and devouring Lemon on live tv.  Honestly I think that would be Lemon’s finest hour and it couldn’t hurt Biden’s numbers either.

Regardless of your opinion of Joe vis-a-vis the whole breathing and heart beating thing, you’ll have to agree that we’ve moved into a whole new era with respect to presidential candidates.  Even during Bill Clinton’s time in office we expected the candidates to be lucid, somewhat eloquent and healthy enough to stand on their feet for an hour or two without collapsing or losing control of their sphincters.

Those no longer seem to be necessary.  Anyone who’s watched any of the Biden “glitches” knows that at any moment he can start spouting gibberish or lock up while some normally autonomic function of his body fails and leaves him frozen in place like a mannequin.

I guess what has happened is that president is now a figurehead for the Deep State that runs the executive branch departments and decides on the policies that control the nation.  Okay, let’s say it out loud.  Joe doesn’t really decide anything.  The people who pull his strings do that.  Maybe that makes it easier to pull that lever.

Agenda of the Possible

photog Current Events

I have found that accepting my status as an outsider in the American system is a fairly liberating experience.  I’ve reconciled myself to being a pariah and it’s done me a world of good.  No longer needing to fix the socio-political framework of the United States is an enormous relief and clears my mind for tackling problems that I can address and that directly benefit me.

Instead of worrying whether the Democrats will rig the Pennsylvania vote in November, I’m spending my time looking for ways to improve the website and increase my visibility with the people who interest me.  Instead of worrying about what will happen to Donald Trump I will worry about what’s going to happen to Camera Girl and her kids and grandkids.  Instead of worrying about the southern border I’ll worry about my relations with the neighbors here in Dunwich.  All of these are things I can influence and that better my situation.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’d be ecstatic if Donald Trump beats Dementia Joe in November and then somehow dismantles the Deep State.  I’d be doing cartwheels for months if that happened.  But what if it doesn’t happen?  Do I wait around for another four years hoping that we’ll get another chance the next time?  No thanks.  Been there, done that, don’t have the time to wait.  So, the time to start getting on with my life is right now.

After all, when the Roman empire fell in 476 AD the local Roman stone mason didn’t say, “Well that’s that.  Without the emperor handing out contractors’ licenses I’m out of business and I’ll just have to wait until Charlemagne get things going in 800 AD.  No, he just cut a deal with the Visigoths or the Ostrogoths or whatever Goths he could find to pay them his contactor’s license and just stopped chiseling SPQR onto the work he installed.  Instead, he just wrote, “Hurrah for Alaric” or something.  Now maybe in his heart of hearts he hated Alaric’s guts.  And probably he had hated his local Roman tax collector too.  But reality has its own logic.  If the Left has permanently outmaneuvered the Right, then I need to concentrate on outmaneuvering the local bureaucrats and stop waiting for a savior to set me free.

If the people of this country are stupid enough to believe in global warming and pediatric trans-affirming surgery then they deserve everything they get.  For me it means I have to figure out a way to survive stupid.  And now that I’m fully aware of just how dysfunctional and hopelessly broken our political system is I will make it my business to negotiate this minefield of social rot to the very best of my ability.

So, there it is.  My gospel of the red-pilled normie.  I’m going to stop following all the pollsters and Washington watchers.  I’ll leave that to the people who are still trying to arouse the silent or the sleeping or the just plain stupid majority.  I’m looking for those who are already getting things done and for those who have an agenda of the possible.

Andrew Klavan Inteviews Mamet

photog Current Events, Movie Reviews, Reviews , ,

David Mamet famously declared he had ceased to be a “brain dead liberal” back around the time of the 9/11 attacks.  And the Left has been attacking him ever since.  And since he is a playwright and a movie script writer that has had an enormous impact on his career and life.

Here Andrew Klavan talks to him about what that’s been like and why it’s okay.  I find it interesting to hear how those on the inside of the matrix describe the process of being attacked by the antibodies of the collective.  It’s like an autoimmune disease or more closely it’s as if these people have become cancer cells and have now been detected by the immune system.

Toward the end Mamet speaks very enthusiastically about what will be happening while Hollywood is dying.  “You don’t need a lot of money to make a movie.  You need a phone and a good idea.”  I find that very hopeful.

 

The Great Debate of July 2024

photog Biden Humor, Current Events, Humor, Trump , ,

“Hello my name is Anderson Cooper and you are tuned into the first presidential debate between our beloved President Joe Biden and “convicted felon” and cartoon super-villain Donald Trump.  Jake Tapper and Dana Bash will be presiding over this incredible spectacle.

CNN has gone to great lengths to be both totally impartial but also relentlessly opposed to misinformation.  To that end Mr. Trump’s microphone is programmed to shut off whenever the moderators decide he is guilty of misinformation.  There was a debate about also attaching electrodes to Mr. Trump that would apply a punishing electric current in the event of multiple attempts at misinformation but it was decided that wouldn’t be legal, so you know.

I’ll come back after the debate with reactions from a test audience but right now let’s go to the debate as it begins.”

Dana: Good evening gentlemen, and you too Mr. Trump.  Our first question is for President Joe Biden.  Mr. President, out of all the amazing successes that you’ve had as president; conquering COVID, restoring the economy to incredible vibrance, fixing climate change, destroying racism and transphobia and curing cancer, what do you think is your greatest accomplishment?

Biden:  That’s a great question Dana.  I remember that time I was at Potsdam with Churchill, Truman and Stalin.  I had just beaten Stalin in an arm-wrestling contest and he had agreed to dismantle the Soviet Union in 1991 and I was feeling kind of good.  But I think all of that pales in comparison to that time I taught my son Hunter how to run a Ukrainian energy conglomerate.  He had been having some slight troubles with crack cocaine and I knew that learning the ropes of drilling and extracting oil and gas in Easten Europe would clear his head.  It’s like my Uncle Bosie always used to say, before he was eaten by New Guinean cannibals, “Always tell the truth and don’t take any guff from dog-faced pony soldiers.

Dana: Inspiring words to live by Mr. President.  Well, Donald Trump, you don’t have any accomplishments to name so instead let’s hear what you have to say about your high crimes and misdemeanors.  Are you most ashamed of your hush money conviction, your January 6th insurrection or your attempts to steal classified documents?

Trump: I’m most ashamed of having agreed to this charade.  You nitwits are going to try to sell the American people on the fantasy of Joe Biden being in his right mind.  That’s not going to work.  He’s delusional and barely able to speak coherent English for more than two minutes at a time.

Biden: Now hold on you dog-faced pony oldier, I’ll ake you hind the arn and ock some sense int ou and moulbi woudle foad mobe saiden ray.  Come on man!  You know.  The thing!

Trump: You see?  What the hell is a moulbi woudle?  The man is one step away from the memory ward at Happy Acres.

Jake: Listen Trump, we all recognize the incredible courage of President Biden for being America’s first zombie president.  Many of the recently deceased suffer from the prejudices and misinformation that unenlightened individuals such as yourself spread about them.

We’re here to make sure he gets an even playing field.  With the correct translation programs and subtitling “moulbi woudle” becomes, “set the record straight.”

Trump: Alright that’s enough.  You can do the rest of this without me.

Jake: That’s right and we will.  Our AI video program will provide us with an accurate version of what you would have said if you had stayed.

Trump: Deep fake?

Jake:  Potato, puhtata.

Trump: That’s about right.  Joe is some kind of vegetable anyway.  Well, I wouldn’t have lasted the whole ninety minutes anyway.  That smell is more than I can stand.