Month: July 2025

I Have My Priorities

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So today was an early day because I had to head to the office.  I was already running late when Camera Girl walked out of the kitchen and said, “Don’t react or the dogs will start barking but there are a couple of momma turkeys at my bird feeder with about eight young.  Go take a look.”

So, they were under the bird feeders looking for seeds on the ground that the normal birds spilled out of the feeders.  But eventually they weren’t satisfied so they headed out into the fields.  Camera Girl saw them heading for the gardens and said, “They’re headed for the raspberry patch.  Do you think they’ll eat any of the berries.”  I answered knowledgably, “No they only eat bugs and small critters.”  Of course, they immediately attack the patch and clearly start picking ripe berries off the canes.  I didn’t look back at her but I think there was a look.  And I think there might have been a derisive sound.  I came back with her own famous statement, “Well, everybody’s gotta eat, right?”  So, I announced that I had to leave for work and made a show of ignoring the prehistoric creatures that had invaded my domain.

When I got home, I got the update.  They had not only picked all the ripe raspberries but they then cleaned up the ripe blueberries too.  Then they went down by the swamp and annoyed Moe and the rest of Camera Girl’s murder of crows that hang out there during the morning.  Finally, they walked the perimeter of the fields until they ended up near the road and then made a nuisance of themselves for the motorists until they finally crossed the road and headed for the next swamp in their path.

I’ve always been interested in the turkey population because they provide an opportunity for interesting photographs.  But here they were adding insult to injury.  They not only didn’t eat any of the copious beetles that are afflicting my vegetables and flowers but they went out of their way to pillage my favorite summer fruit crops.  This is the thanks I get for never hunting them or setting the dogs on them or even making fun of their homely appearance, clumsy walking style or spastic flying abilities.

Well, truth be told they’re still in my top five species of birds I like to see around the place.  I like seeing the vultures (turkey and black) in the trees.  I like to try and get a shot of a Great Blue Heron fishing in the swamp and I also hope one day to lure some of the local ravens into a closer arrangement.  I’ve always thought they were fascinating creatures.

But there’s something appealing about a flock of turkey hens with their young walking around in Dunwich in the summer acting like they own the place and livening things up.

Yep, that’s true.  However, if they come near the berries again, I may just get some rocks and help them to move along at high speed.  At this time of year, I have my priorities.

29JUL2025 – Quote of the Day

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The Cask of Amontillado

The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitively settled — but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong.

It must be understood that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good will. I continued, as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile now was at the thought of his immolation.

…

Edgar Allan Poe

Maybe He Wasn’t Ready for His Own Show

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So, the First Selectman heard about Stephan Colbert losing his gig with the Late Show and somehow got the idea that maybe he could end up as a replacement on CBS.  He called me into his cave and said, “Listen Appetizer, I want you to get on the blower with Bill Paley and tell him I have a great idea for a late-night comedy show.  I’ll call it “Late Night Selections.”

I said, “Sir I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but William Paley died in 1990 at age 89.  And currently the parent company of CBS; Paramount Studios, is being acquired by another entertainment company Skydance Media and they have decided that the old-style late-night show is outdated and unprofitable.  They have not only not renewed Stephen Colbert’s contract; they have ended the whole Late Night production company.  They’ve effectively fired two hundred people in order to save $100 million.”

This outraged the First Selectman, “Who ever heard of anyone dying at 89.  Why I’m in excess of a trillion years old and I’ve never felt better in my life.  Sure, I eat healthy and stay away from fatty food like Mexicans and Italians but last time I saw Bill in 1948 he was the picture of health.  He was smoking a cigar, drinking a martini and pinching his secretary.  You don’t get much livelier than that!”

I interjected that notwithstanding his fond memories of Mr. Paley it was unfortunately true that new management was in place at the Tifanny Network and perhaps this was not the time for a new late-night show.  This got me nowhere and so yesterday I was assigned the task of putting together a stage for this dynamic new production.  As luck would have it, I read an ad for Colbert’s extra furniture going up for sale and picked it up for a song.  I think it was being sold hot by the disgruntled stage crew.

Well with a little alteration to allow the five hundred foot tall First Selectman to interact with human sized guests on the stage we had it up and running this morning in time to go through some try-outs.  As luck would have it Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi and Elizabeth Warren were all hoping to get some extra face time during Trump’s problems over the Epstein case so the First Selectman was able to book all three of them for his trial run.

Well, there were problems.  During the first segment Schiff began banging the drum about Donald Trump being a fascist.  Now the first Selectman used to be a close personal friend of Mussolini so he innocently said, “What’s wrong with being a fascist.”  Well, Schiff went ballistic and started going through his talking points about Trump assaulting women and being a felon and starting an insurrection and before you know it, he was calling the First Selectman a reactionary.  Well, this didn’t sit well with the First Selectman so he ate Schiff.  And when Pelosi and Warren saw this from the wings, they came running out screeching at a very high pitch.  As it happens the First Selectman is very sensitive to the particular frequency so in self-defense, he quieted them by eating them.

Well, the booking agency was very upset and said they couldn’t provide any more guests, except maybe AOC and Mamdani because nobody likes them anyway but the First Selectman said Puerto Rican and Middle Eastern food gave him the runs.  So, he’s given up on the whole show idea.  It’s all very sad.

28JUL2025 – Quote of the Day

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The Tell-Tale Heart

…

No doubt I now grew very pale; –but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased –and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound –much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath — and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly –more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men — but the noise steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed –I raved –I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder –louder –louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! –no, no! They heard! –they suspected! –they knew! –they were making a mockery of my horror! –this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! –and now –again! –hark! louder! louder! louder! louder! —

“Villains!” I shrieked, “dissemble no more! I admit the deed! –tear up the planks! –here, here! –it is the beating of his hideous heart!”

Edgar Allan Poe

Lesson Painfully Learned

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So, what have we learned?  What have I learned?  After fifty years as an adult living in the United States I have learned one thing.

The only thing that counts from leaders is results.

In addition to that are all the other things you learn by living in the madhouse that was the last quarter of the twentieth century and the first quarter of the twenty first:

  • Talk, of all kinds, is cheap and almost meaningless.
  • Good intentions by themselves achieve nothing.
  • Action that is not informed by intelligence and purpose can sometimes be worse than inaction.
  • Most politicians are liars and crooks.
  • Those that aren’t, often are insane.
  • Everyone has ulterior motives. The trick is to align with those whose motives are compatible with yours.
  • There are no angels out there, only men. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
  • Allies can come from the most unexpected corners.
  • Stay far away from really stupid people. They’ll get you killed.
  • Lots of conspiracy theories have turned out to be true. Be careful whom you talk to.
  • Just because you’re the only one in a dozen people who think something is a bad idea doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It might mean they’re feds.
  • Someone can be really smart and have all the facts and still come to the wrong conclusions. Use common sense.
  • There are nuts on both sides of the political divide. Use common sense.
  • Don’t let political differences destroy your family. Tread gently here.
  • Keep a sense of humor. You’ll need it.
  • Don’t let hate eat you up. Most of the people on the other side aren’t monsters.  A few are but don’t transfer that status to everyone.  Unless you live in some kind of red bubble you will meet up with the Left.  Don’t become unhinged.
  • Don’t become manic or depressed. There will always be victories and defeats.  Learn how to live in the real world not a wonderland that will never be.
  • No one is God except God. Trump is a man.  He’s just as imperfect and prone to error as everyone else.  He will not save us and one day he won’t be in charge.  Remember the big picture.
  • Figure out your actual convictions. What do you truly believe in?  What is unimportant?
  • Figure out what you want to achieve in your life and decide if this is likely under the current political regime.
  • Align your goals with the world as it really is. For example, cable news anchorman may no longer be a reasonable career path.  Whereas news influencer has some currency.
  • Don’t waste too much time agonizing over things you have absolutely no control over.
  • Spend the time prioritizing the actions you can achieve according to how much they will benefit you.
  • Spend as much time as you possibly can with people you like.
  • Learn how to communicate with people who hold extremely differing views from you. For instance, learn how to disagree with someone in a conversation without insulting him.
  • Find some friends out there and laugh with them when you can.

There, that was fun.

27JUL2025 – Quote of the Day

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The Tell-Tale Heart

…

Presently I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror. It was not a groan of pain or of grief –oh, no! –it was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe. I knew the sound well. Many a night, just at midnight, when all the world slept, it has welled up from my own bosom, deepening, with its dreadful echo, the terrors that distracted me. I say I knew it well. I knew what the old man felt, and pitied him, although I chuckled at heart. I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise, when he had turned in the bed. His fears had been ever since growing upon him. He had been trying to fancy them causeless, but could not. He had been saying to himself –“It is nothing but the wind in the chimney –it is only a mouse crossing the floor,” or “It is merely a cricket which has made a single chirp.” Yes, he had been trying to comfort himself with these suppositions: but he had found all in vain. All in vain; because Death, in approaching him had stalked with his black shadow before him, and enveloped the victim. And it was the mournful influence of the unperceived shadow that caused him to feel –although he neither saw nor heard –to feel the presence of my head within the room.

…

Edgar Allan Poe

Books Without Capon

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Pitchman/Host – Well, that was a fascinating two-hour in-depth discussion on how a tote-bag ended its life as a cat sarcophagus for Mr. Fluffy Pants.  And now it’s time for us once again to receive our daily dose of wisdom from Books and Capon.  Well, of course only David Books is still on the set.  Jonathan Capon had to be let go due to “H.R. 4 – The Rescission Bill of 2025” stripping us of $1.1 billion of funding and reducing us to this endless round of begathons and hawking those lousy tote bags and crumby umbrellas.  Well, anyway hello David.

David Books – Hello Barry.  Actually, I will have Jonathan Capon on this episode.  We have a camera crew out on the street and they ran into him plying his new trade.  Hello Jonathan, how is your new career working out for you.

Jonathan Capon – Hello David, hello Barry.  Career?  Currently I’m living under an overpass in a refrigerator box and I have become the property of Big Bob and his “posse.”  It’s not great.  However there has been some talk about me taking classes to become a sidewalk mime.  Apparently, this would increase my status and Bob might be able to trade me to Carl who has two refrigerator boxes and rules over a corner that has a working fire hydrant.  Now that’s hope and change.  And how is the fund-raising going back there at the old place?

David Books – Well, not so good.  I thought I had my mother and sister committed on a tote-bag sale but at the last moment those cheap old bags reneged.  Now I’m reduced to cold-calling from the Manhattan reverse directory and avoiding the station manager in the hallways and elevators.  And last night when I went to get my car in the parking lot, someone scratched, “ALWAYS BE CLOSING” on the driver door.  They checked the security camera and I swear the guy looked like Donald Trump.  I’m a nervous wreck!

Jonathan Capon – Yeah, well, compared to keeping Big Bob satisfied I’d say you’re complaining about some real “first world problems” Davy boy.  Has there been any progress on having H.R. 4 rescinded and restoring us to the good old days.

David Books – No, not so much.  In fact, last week CBS cancelled Stephen Colbert and the whole Late Show.  There’s even talk about Kimmel and Fallon getting canned too.

Jonathan Capon – No!!!  How is that possible?  CBS is the Tifanny Network.  They speak truth to power and hold Trump accountable.

Pitchman/Host – Yeah, well it turns out Tifanny was losing forty-six big ones a year and Daddy’s gotta eat too.  So, we all have to do our part around here David.  Starting tomorrow we’re gonna have a little sales contest.  First prize is a corner office.  Second prize is a set of steak knives.  Third prize is you join Jonathan and Big Bob in the refrigerator box.  And another thing.  No more coffee until you sell a tote bag.  Coffee is for winners.  Losers clean the men’s room after hours.  And today is your turn, loser.

Jonathan Capon – Well David, maybe I’ll be seeing you around.  Better stock up on lifesavers.  Big Bob favors wintergreen.