Category: Life in Dunwich

My Adventures in the Mythical New England Town of Dunwich

G-Block Superactinide Bling

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Since Valentine’s Day is coming up I told Camera Girl to be on the lookout for any man jewelry she could get for me made of unbihexium

Unbihexium is a hypothetical stable super heavy element with an atomic number of 126.  Now granted it’s never been detected anywhere either naturally or at CERN but a good wife should always use her shopping acumen to assist all of her husband’s purchasing goals.  So I’ve told her to be on the lookout for a star sapphire mounted in a pinky ring of unbihexium.  And I told her it wouldn’t hurt if there was a spiral galaxy at the center of the star.  Hey we all can dream right?

Unbihexium is supposed to exist at the magic number for stable super heavy elements.  Apparently some astrophysicists are theorizing that the existence of very heavy elements in second generation stars points to the existence of super heavy elements being produced in some kind of ultra-ultra super duper supernova events that would be needed to produce these elements.

I know, I know I should be talking about Iowa or Joe Biden but as you know I’m trying to put off suicide for the foreseeable future.  So, unbihexium!

 

 

Weaponized Cuteness

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My five year old granddaughter, Princess Sack of Potatoes, learned “Feliz Navidad” in kindergarten.  While she was visiting I went to YouTube to play the Jose Feliciano version as an historical record for her, but opened this one by accident.

She was fascinated by this pint-sized crooner.  And so it goes for every generation.  Well, no harm done.  Her mother and her grandmother and her great grandmother had their crooners too, whether it was Frank Sinatra or Paul McCartney or whatever singer was out there.  But so soon?

 

Happy New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2024!

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I begin this New Year’s Eve post with a public service message.

Ryan Seacrest will be hosting the 52nd (wow) annual installment of ‘Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest’ on your local ABC affiliate.  The idea of such luminaries as LL COOL J & Cardi B joining the lineup of performers including Rita Ora, Megan Thee Stallion, Jelly Roll, Sabrina Carpenter, Tyla, Multihyphenate Sebastian Maniscalco, Aqua, Doechii, Ellie Goulding, Green Day, Janelle Monáe, Loud Luxury x Two Friends with Bebe Rexha, Ludacris, Nile Rodgers & CHIC, Paul Russell, Reneé Rapp with Coco Jones, Thirty Seconds to Mars, Post Malone, who has sold over 80 million records and earned numerous awards, including 10 Billboard Music Awards, and will perform “Chemical” and finally K-Pop group NewJeans performing “Super Shy” and “ETA” all appearing on one five hour show literally takes my breath away.  But I’ve steeled myself to miss this epochal event.  I notice that Mariah Carey isn’t on the schedule.  A few years back she had a situation where her costume exploded off of her while she was being hoisted onto the roof of some building in Times Square to sing “All I Want for Christmas is You.”  They mercifully cut away in time but apparently, she never recovered.  I had also hoped that they could have released Madonna from her crypt for one last mummified rendition of “Like a Virgin” but I guess they couldn’t find enough formaldehyde to pull it off.  I also don’t see Lionel Ritchie’s name on the list which leads me to believe either he has passed away or the last of his fans has.  Ah, the changing of the guard.

I’ve decided to step in and recommend that all my readers deny themselves this pleasure.  Combining Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion and Ludacris all in one sitting might be just too much musical talent for anyone to endure.  It would be like Mozart and Bach joining Taylor Swift on stage at the Bellagio in Vegas.  Just too much magnificence.

I don’t do New Year’s Eve parties.  And it’s probably the result of several factors.  First off, I don’t drink.  Secondly, I find loud bars or other party venues difficult to hear over.  And this despite relatively good hearing.  So, the typical large New Year’s Eve gathering doesn’t have much to offer for me.  And as far as family gatherings, it’s really not a great night to be driving home from a late party.  Usually around here, the weather is awful for driving and there are more drunks on the road that night than any other.  When the kids were still young, we’d do some kind of midnight celebration with noise makers and calling up relatives to wish them a happy New Year and then we’d have some food.  Root beer floats were the favorite of my kids.

But New Year’s Eve is a great time of the year for course correction.  Taking stock and making changes.  I was talking to Camera Girl about this and she said, “I like to call it a time for reflection.”  I then mocked her ruthlessly, “What a fabulously original way of stating it.  Do you mind if I quote you?”  She was unconcerned.  Her poise while mouthing platitudes is remarkable.

Next year will be a busy time for me.  There will be a large increase in my commitments to several annoying tasks.  March, April, October and November will be extremely unpleasant.  And I have to figure out whether I should alter my format for the website.  There will be a number of interesting stories to follow this year but as far as the daily posts a lot of what can be said, has been said and in excruciating detail.  Maybe I’ll decide to limit my output to discussion of breaking events.  This would allow me to move forward with my fiction writing which I’m embarrassed to say ground to a halt in the second half of 2023.

I think what that means for me is that I will need to create that most hated and least successful of all documents, the “life schedule.”  As an engineer I was often responsible for making and updating and reporting on a project schedule.  Usually it was done on Microsoft Project, a powerful but highly annoying program.  Of course, I have no plan to plot my life on MS Project.  Camera Girl would not stand for it.  Me trying to regiment her free-wheeling method of running her house would madden her and probably lead to my demise by any one of several domestic weapons.  Although death by deli meats is my best guess.

So, I hope to spend the next few days attempting to take stock of how I spend my time and, in some sense, “mending my ways.”  And I don’t think of this as a negative.  The environment around us is constantly shifting and for this we need to adjust.  Once a year is hardly too often for this very important activity.  Probably seasonally is the correct frequency.  Spring cleaning and fall stowing away is pretty common but I’m much too lazy for that much organization.  So New Year’s resolutions it is.

But for those so inclined have a Happy New Year’s Eve with champagne and dancing till morning.

Christmas Day 2023 – Quotation

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King James Version

Luke:  Chapter 2

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.

2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

So Many Cookies

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Christmas Cooking, Sony A7 III, Sony 90mm f\2.8 macro lens

Camera Girl is like a food terrorist. She festoons treats around her kitchen like so many high-caloric land mines. And there I am blasted to bits over and over by all of these irresistible gastronomic pyrotechnics. I know how awful will be the penalties I’ll suffer when the holidays are over and how many hours of exercise will be needed to work off the hundreds of thousands of calories of delicious, delectable evil that she has surrounded me with. But eat I must. Over the course of almost five decades, she knows which foods I cannot resist. The cookies; grandma (or white), chocolate chip, oatmeal and the chocolate dipped coconut macaroons. The pies; apple, coconut custard, pumpkin, cherry and more. And that’s not even counting the ice creams and cheese cakes. And all of this will be after the sheer tonnage of lasagna, meatballs, sausage and filet mignon. Oh, the pain, the pain.
I rate my chance of surviving this onslaught as minimal. I reckon that if the EMTs arrive while I’m still breathing, they will advise her that as a purely practical triage decision they should leave me and move on to the next 911 call. At most they may spend a few moments berating me for allowing myself to come to this pathetic end.
But in all honesty, I acknowledge, that all things considered, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Gathering around the holiday tables groaning under the weight of Camera Girl’s bounteous feast is the highlight of every year. Enjoying delicious foods with family and spending time with the people closest to me in the whole world is well worth any bout of indigestion that might occur. Each of the rituals and ceremonies is a touchstone to the past. These same words and actions bring me back to the time when I was a child and eating these same foods and gathering together with family was the highlight of our holidays.
And to ensure that this tradition will continue, Camera Girl has her daughters and now her granddaughter over each year to knead the dough and shape the cookies that they bake for Christmas. And my son and sons-in-law and grandsons share in the expectation that these cookies will be there in the years to come. And I hope they do. Family traditions and gatherings may be the most important social functions in our human existence. They don’t fall under any government program and they aren’t mediated by any of the organs of modern life. TikTok and Meta don’t decide what’s the correct way to break bread with family and I doubt that the Kardashians or Taylor Swift even know what a grandma cookie tastes like, never mind know how to bake one.
So, whatever your traditions and whoever you gather with for Christmas, enjoy the time off away from the soul-deadening dictates of our woke institutions and brain-dead social media influencers. Use the time wisely to spend time with the people who actually mean something to you and enjoy that time together.
God bless us all, everyone.

Winter Solstice. The Days are Getting Longer

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How’s that for optimism!

Winter Solstice Late Afternoon Light, Sony A7 III, Sony 35mm f\1.4 lens

Well anyway, there’s no snow on the ground and I have a good supply of Christmas cookies thanks to Camera Girl’s indomitable kitchen work ethic.

Christmas Cooking, Sony A7 III, Sony 90mm f\2.8 macro lens

Regardless of the disorienting weirdness engulfing the world around us we must try to enjoy the holiday season. And I will. So I think I’ll extend myself this morning and try to check off something from my to-do list. Where is that list anyway?
Here’s an image from an earlier part of 2023 that I like.

OCF Update – 19DEC2023 – Where the Hell is photog!

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Apologies to all my readers.  The power, phones, internet and magic have been out in Dunwich for the last day and a half.  I’m just using an off-site computer to send this message.  I’ve angered Cthulhu with all my mockery and he has summoned the winds and boy oh boy did they clobber me.  A hundred and fifty foot White Pine landed across the upper driveway and took out part of the fence.  Try cutting through that with an 18″ triangle hand saw.   Well, I have some stuff to post (A Biden Carol – Part 2) but I hope the power and internet are back on soon at home so I can post it.

My apologies for the site lull.  I’ll have to join Elon Musk’s Starlink or something.

Cthulhu

Damn you Cthulhu!!!

Late Night photog – 3 – Cthulhu Fills In

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Cthulhu – Well we’re back.  And for those tuning in late I’m Cthulhu and I’m filling in for photog while he explains some things to the FBI in DC this week.  Well, we hope it’s just this week because, honestly, I do have better things to do than amuse his audience, I can tell you that.  But enough complaining.  We’ve got a great show tonight.  I’ve provided my own band this week.  I’ve got George Harrison, Roy Orbison and Tom Petty of the Stationary Wilburys and they’ll be singing their new song, “Come on Down Bob, it’s a Dry Heat.”  And later on, I’ll be talking to Sadaam Hussein about his new book, “They Weren’t Kidding!”

But now let’s give a big hand to that master of disaster, Henry Kissinger!  Hey Henry, how the hell are you?

Kissinger – Funny you should put it that way, Cthulhu.  It is a bit hot down there for my liking but I won’t bore you with my problems.  All in all, it’s been an interesting experience.  I’ve had a chance to catch up with Dick Nixon and some of the other boys from my salad days.  Good times.  But really my next assignment is what I’m interested in.

Cthulhu – What’s that Henry?

Kissinger – I’m doing contract work for the administration down there.  Apparently, Lucifer is short on strategic thinkers, at least modern ones.  Would you believe it, Metternich was still on the job down there.  He never got anything done but just kept repeating “Might through Right! Might through Right!”  Hopeless old bird.  I don’t know what people saw in him.

Cthulhu – What kind of strategic planning does Hell need?

Kissinger – Trust me.  Everyone needs planning.  Recently Black Rock reduced our ESG score because we hadn’t assigned pronouns for Baphomet on his infernal stationery and business cards.  Those guys are brutal and they just don’t give a crap who they hurt.  So, I busted my hump first day, right out of the chute and got BR to cut us a little slack until I had a chance to reform things.  Luckily for the Prince of Darkness I know where the bodies are buried at Black Rock so everything worked out.  But I tell you there’s no rest for the wicked.  Literally!

Cthulhu – Tell me about it!  Last month I was returning from laying waste to a stellar system inhabited by fungoid beetle beings.  You know, real eldritch Great Old Ones stuff.  And accidentally I tracked in a little plutonium from the finale.  Well somehow the EPA and the NRC got wind of it and now they’re all up in my business and they’re even threatening to pull my NGO status and shut down my cult.  Bureaucrats.

Kissinger – Well, I don’t want to interfere but my contract with Lucifer isn’t exclusive and I still have lots of friends in Washington.  If you’d like, I’ll straighten the thing out for you.

Cthulhu – Why, that’s mighty nice of you Henry.  How can I repay you?

Kissinger – Funny you should ask.  There’s one thing I could really use is a flunky down here.  I need someone with absolutely no scruples, an inveterate liar and low intelligence as a whipping boy in my dealing with his Satanic Majesty.

Cthulhu – You want Biden?

Kissinger – In a word, yes.  He’s not due down here for ten more years but if you’ve got the bandwidth, it would really help me out if he could be delivered in early 2025.

Cthulhu – Hey no problem.  I’m supposed to ease him out of his gig this year so consider it done.  But I tell you; dealing directly with him is no picnic.  Even I feel contaminated after dealing with that skunk.  Well, to each his own.

Kissinger – Thanks.  But I better be going.  I don’t want to be late for my morning lake of fire immersion.  If I’m last, I get stuck next to Hitler and Stalin and then it’s just bitch, bitch, bitch.

Cthulhu – Everybody, Henry Kissinger!  Give him a big Late-Night round of applause.

Damn You Millan!

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Little Evil Dog (LED) is now about four months old.  And still in the midst of a teething frenzy as her milk teeth are falling out.  Sometimes Camera Girl even bleeds from the bites of this insane little basset hound.  There has been some improvement.  Lately she only draws blood once a week rather than daily.  Everything is relative.

Today I noted that Camera Girl was watching the Dog Whisperer on Nat Geo.  It’s that Mexican guy Cesar Millan who trains dogs.  Of course, there is nothing more absurd than Camera Girl trying to train her dogs.  They completely dominate her and systematically ignore all her commands.  It would be accurate to say that they have trained her.

I tried to imagine her attempting to use Millan’s techniques but I know that she could never assert authority over the dogs.  It just completely clashes with her babying of these canines.  And yet with her children and grandchildren she has always been able to maintain good discipline.  I think it’s the fact that intellectually dogs are like permanent infants.  They never reach a point where they can be responsible for their misdeeds.  Training always has to be a matter of dominance.  And so, she forever treats them like babies.  Even if the animal outweighs her.

And so, the problem of Camera Girl’s bad dogs can never be fully solved.  I have in the past had to force obedience from some of the larger male dogs on my own just for safety’s sake but she will never be their boss.

But as I watched the episode that Camera Girl had on it occurred to me that a wife whisperer would be an interesting show.  If some guy developed a format where he had men come to him with wives who behaved poorly and he came up with a regimen for bringing them back in line.  And of course, it should be a humane program.  No shock collars or whips; nothing like that.  It could all be done using positive reinforcement.  Even a muzzle probably would be unnecessary, although I could see where it would make life better sometimes.

I’d guess it would work with treats and gifts used to encourage good behavior and verbal cues to point out bad behavior.  I started to think how I could work some of these things into my home life.  I could use small rewards like buying her a turtle or a lizard if she behaved herself.  But I realized that my house would probably overrun with pets within a few weeks.  And since there weren’t any other treats, I could provide or withhold, there wasn’t a way forward with my wife whisperer idea.  It was a dead end.

But I did watch how often food was the treat that Millan used to train his dogs.  How he used it to reinforce good behavior or withheld it to show displeasure.  And then some things came together in my mind.  Grocery patterns and other aspects of my life.  And I was aghast.  She has been using Millan’s program on me!  Tonight, we’re having a pork roast.  That only went on the menu after I performed the winter yard close-up yesterday.

To Serve Man, it’s a training book!