A Biden Carol (Part 1)

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Scene 1 – The Oval Office

GLAAD – Have I the honor of addressing Mr. Biden or Mr. Epstein?

Biden – Mr. Epstein has been dead these seven years.  In fact, he hanged himself in prison exactly seven years ago this very night.

GLAAD – That’s not how I heard it happened.  Anyway, I’m sure his generosity is well represented by his surviving partner.

Biden – What do you want; you dog faced pony soldiers?!

GLAAD – At this festive time of the year it is more than usually desirable that we make some slight provision for the drag queens and other weirdos that have fallen on hard times.  Thousands are in need of necessities like eye-liner and mascara.  Hundreds of thousands are in want of holiday cheer like amyl nitrate and ketamine.

Biden – Are there no libraries, are there no grammar schools?

GLAAD – Plenty of libraries and schools, but those gigs have become difficult to book because of Moms for Liberty.

Biden – Look I haven’t got time to waste on you losers.  Romney, you cretin!  Get out of your hole Mitt and throw these losers out.  I have business to attend to and if I see these deadbeats in here again, I’ll know that I no longer need your services and you’ll be shipped back to Utah.  Now I’m headed home so don’t close up until you’ve foreclosed on the homes of all the widows on that list, I gave you.

Mitt Romney – Yes, Mr. Biden.  Come this way gentlemen.  Mr. Biden is very busy.

(Exit)

Scene 2 – White House Residence

Biden – All right, have you loaded up my Beta Max with all those vintage 1980s porn classics?  Dr. Jill is out of town this week and I want to do some research.

Secret Service Agent – Yes, Mr. President.  Your whole disgusting list for the weekend has been filled and we’ve cordoned off your residence to prevent “problems.”

Biden – Good, all of you can get lost.  I’ll use my life alert if I need you.  Now scram.

(Exit)

Biden – Now that’s more like it!  Let me get a big bowl of ice cream and let the party begin!

Suddenly a fissure opens up in the floor and flames shoot up and a bloody mess slowly stumbles into the room.  He’s festooned with what looks like smoking coils of some kind of hose.  He is shrieking and moaning pathetically and approaches Biden.

Biden – Holy smoke, who the hell are you?

Jeffrey Epstein – Ask me who I was.

Biden – Okay, okay, you awful mess.  Who were you.

Jeffrey Epstein – In life I was your partner, Jeffrey Epstein.

Biden – Epsy, what the hell happened to you?

Jeffrey Epstein – Two guesses.

Biden – Why are you wrapped up in that burning hose?

Jeffrey Epstein – Those are my prolapsed intestines.  They’re filled with boiling oil.  When it starts to cool, they drain it off and refill it again.

Biden – Wow!  That’s not good.

Jeffrey Epstein – Yeah, but wait’ll you hear what they have cooked up for you.

Biden – Me?  But I haven’t done anything.  I’m the President of the United States.  I help people all day long.  I’m not going there!

Jeffrey Epstein – Yeah, yeah, Joey.  It’s me you’re talking to.  They know about everything down there.  The showers with your daughter, the trips to the island.  Don’t kid yourself.  You’re gonna get the deluxe treatment.

Biden – But Epsy, don’t you have any good news?  Are you here to tell me about a way out?  You know like the three ghosts?

Jeffrey Epstein – The only ghost here is the ghost of a chance that you ain’t got.  The boss sent me to rub it in a little.  And I came because I will miss the hot sulfuric acid shower hour.  You’ve gotta take what you can get.

Biden – But what will I do?

Jeffrey Epstein – My advice is to try to make whatever amends you can and lighten the sentence however you can.  Confession would help quite a bit.

Biden – Confess?  But there’s an election coming up.

Jeffrey Epstein – Oh forget it.  Just do what you’re doing.  At least it’ll take some of the heat off of me.  Goodbye Joey you dope.  See you in the showers.

Exit into the flaming crevasse followed by the fissure closing up.

18DEC2023 – Quote of the Day

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By means of [the microscope and the telescope] man touched, one might say, the two infinities. With the aid of glass, he could contemplate at his leisure the mite and the ring of Saturn. […] Master of glass through fire, and master of light through glass, he had lenses and mirrors of all kinds, prisms, containers, beakers, tubes, and finally barometers and thermometers. However all this originally began with the astronomical lens, which honours glass; and physics is born in some manner from astronomy, as it was written that, even in a material and gross sense, all science must descend from heaven.

Joseph de Maistre

Full Blown Trump Derangement Syndrome

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The amount of projection and the lack of self-awareness is stunning.  But the comedic value is very high.  The whole cast of characters is here.  The only ones missing are Obama and Biden.  They even dug Hillary up somehow.  She’s starting to look like the Crypt Keeper muppet.

 

 

Buggery in High Places

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I was busy today with a family gathering.  Good food, good company and good news all around.  A long day and no time for writing for the site until now.

So I look around at the news sites and see this:

The story is just as bad as the headline.  This guy works for a Democrat Senator from Maryland and apparently he’s another one of Joe Biden’s LGBTQ diversity hires.

Well, I guess the sacred Capitol building that the J6 protestors “defiled” has been literally defiled by Democrat staffer Aidan Maese-Czeropski and whoever he filmed buggering him.

And it’s fitting.  Apparently that is the highest and best use that the Left has found for the federal government.  It’s their private social club and they indulge whatever proclivities they enjoy whenever they want to.  And now they even film it just so their friends can laugh at the joke too.  But I guess this guy has some enemies and they passed it along to a reporter.

So I guess I could ask, will the Capitol Police arrest Mr. Maese-Czeropski and charge him with something?  Or is two men buggering each other in the Capitol already too close to the main purpose of that building?

After all, they’ve been buggering the country for generations now without any repercussions.  Why should a little more of it matter.  And at least in this case the buggering was consensual.  In the case of the country it’s not.

There’s something truly iconic about this scandal.  This is the revelation of what is truly the state of our federal government.  Washington is a cesspool filled with deviants who no longer even pretend to be anything else.  Utilizing the government to pay for and justify their behavior is no longer a secret.  It’s a bold display.  They make up rules that we have to abide by but they can pretty much do as they please.

Well, as long as the Democrats keep themselves in office I don’t think this guy has to worry about jail time or even a fine.  More likely he’ll sue the publication that published his sex tape and got him fired.  After all gay sex tapes are the only reason that privacy even exists as a concept in the United States.  Everyone else is at the mercy of the tech companies but if you’re buggering some guy in a US government building it’s a protected act.  Imagine that.

Supposedly they fired this guy, or forced him to resign.  But does anyone believe that he will be unable to find his next spot in the bureaucracy?  I’m guessing his next gig will be with EEOC or some other federal agency tasked with keeping people like him employed.  Or maybe he’ll end up in the State Department where he can raise the rainbow flag over some embassy or other.  That way next time he can get buggered on the Eiffel Tower or in the Coliseum or by Big Ben.  But I don’t recommend he try it near the pyramids.  The locals don’t appreciate it.  It might end up poorly.

 

What Are the Odds?

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According to quantum mechanics (or is Stan Lee?) every time a subatomic particle has a choice of moving in one direction or another it spawns two separate realities.  And taking all such choices together, it produces an infinity of separate realities (or universes) associated with these different futures that exist side by side.  Now the Marvel Cinematic Universe has documented this highly scientific quantum behavior with a panoply of Spidermen in the multiverse.  And for all I know they have added a few Spider-transmen to round things out.  And because of the Kathleen Kennedy imperative (“PUT A CHICK IN IT AND MAKE HER LAME AND GAY”} there will need to be some Spiderwomen, spiderlesbians and hopefully BIPoC spidertrans-women but most especially Latinx spidertrans-lesbians.  Maybe not in that order.  After all one cannot constrain the artistic endeavor.

But thinking about all this quantum physics was incredibly stimulating.  I started to imagine the multiverse of 2024 election outcomes and the futures it will spawn.  For instance, in one universe Joe Biden is struck by lightning and it resets his brain so that he can speak English and walk down stairs without tumbling.  But it also forces him to only speak the truth and so he’s assassinated by the FBI for disseminating the document that lists the FBI agents and assets and the scripts and roles they played in the January 6th frame-up.

In another universe Donald Trump declares himself a dictator for one day and has all the data files that the intelligence agencies have collected on Americans erased, reveals who killed Kennedy and forces MSNBC to broadcast Obama’s gay sex tapes during Black History Month.

In yet another universe the most unlikely set of outcomes all occur simultaneously and the American voters come to their senses in numbers so overwhelming that they elect huge majorities of Republicans to the House and Senate.  And Trump wins 45 states and re-enters the White House with an ironclad mandate.  And with that combination they undo the last fifty years of unconstitutional skullduggery and make the United States a free country for the first time in generations.  They fire seventy percent of the federal employees.  They cancel the Patriot Act.  They eject tens of millions of illegal aliens.  They balance the budget.  And they impeach all the judges that were appointed by Clinton, Obama and Biden and replace them with the guys who were imprisoned during the January 6th witch hunt.  And then they appoint Rudy Giuliani special prosecutor to clean up all the dirt that’s gone on since Obama came into office and have the trials located in Oklahoma.  Crazy, right?

Of course, I expect the most likely outcome in this multiverse is the one we expect.  That’s the one where crooked judges and prosecutors hand-pick leftist jurors and convict Donald Trump of bogus crimes in their kangaroo courts and then use millions of fraudulent ballots to win the 2024 presidential election and use that outcome to finish off what’s left of this once great nation.  Of course.

But even in this most likely of all universes, there is still room for all of this to be the trigger for a cosmic backlash.  You could imagine that all of this negative karma building on itself could warp the very fabric of space-time and spawn a reaction.  I could imagine that the day after the “winners” of the fake elections are declared, the disgusted Republican voters stage a complete work stoppage across the whole country.  Truckers stop delivering food to the cities and oil and gas isn’t delivered.  And all the cops go out on strike.  In fact, we all go out on strike.  And after a couple of weeks when the LGBTQ national guard units admit they can’t drive trucks, Washington might fold and sues for mercy.

And that’s my favorite super hero ending.  Sorry Deadpool.

Isn’t physics wonderful?