A Eulogy for the Losers

And just like that, we’re down to two.  Oh sure, Granny Warren is still in the race but after losing her “home” state there’s not much left to do but shovel some dirt on her carcass and call it a campaign.  A newly reminted Biden is ready to spout inexplicable nonsense all the way up to the convention.  Bernie is in a panic and will have to yell even louder and wave his arms even more wildly.  It’s going to be amazing.

But what I want to talk about is what is to become of the losers.  Just look at them.  Sure, technically most of them still have high paying jobs and health insurance but how can they go forward with their lives when they’ve been forced to say ridiculous things now for half a year.  All of them have raised their hands and said they believe in the Green New Deal and that AOC isn’t certifiably insane.  Beto O’Rourke even claimed he was going to take our guns.  And most importantly, they all made fun of the old white guys in the race.

And yet here we are and as far as the eye can see all there are is old white guys!  So, it’s not like these folks are gonna get much love from Biden or Bernie.  So, they’ll have to go back to work and make believe they’re Senators or ex-mayors or skateboarding Kennedy clones or whatever the hell Tom Steyer does nowadays.  But one thing’s for sure.  I’m gonna miss these crazy bastards.

Just think of all the fun and laughs we’ve had as each one explained how his plan was better than her plan, all without recourse to facts or even the magic of mathematics.  Watching Kamala tell Creepy Uncle Joe that he had made her cry when he wouldn’t let her be bussed to a good school.  Or ButtPete berating Amy Klobuchar for not knowing the name of the Mexican President.  Or Fauxcahantas shaking with rage as she declared that Bernie had told her a woman couldn’t be elected President.  And what about Spartacus trying to say anything at all?  His pop-eyed expression and goofy voice always cheered me up.  He never was coherent in any of the debates but he always looked so excited and hopeful, the poor little guy.

But my overall favorite was Beto.  He postured and swore and skate-boarded his way into our hearts.  I’m old enough to guess that he was put forward based solely on his resemblance to one of the Kennedys.  Some child of the sixties in a newsroom must have made it his project to give the hapless Beto just enough publicity to force him on the public eye.  Too bad they couldn’t get him to read from a better script.  Every time he opened his mouth the stupid came pouring out and destroyed any doubts about how empty his big head was.  So Beto is the poster child for the group.  What does he do now?  He’s not qualified for any useful task and he’s too well known to attempt a normal life as, say, a lifeguard or a movie usher.  His choices are either to be locked away in a mad house or given a show on MSNBC.  Interestingly enough, Chris Matthews’ “retirement” provides a ready-made spot for Beto.  His audience would be almost as stupid as he is and therefore reasonably willing to listen to him jabber on in Spanglish about how, “el hombre naranja est muy malo.”  You know the more I think about it the better I like it.  In fact, I think all failed Democrat politicians should be warehoused on MSNBC or CNN.  Eventually that much stupidity concentrated in one place should tear a hole in the fabric of space and suck the whole studio straight into another dimension, hopefully one inhabited by some Lovecraftian horror that can feast on their stupidity for millennia.

I know I’ve gone a little overboard but darn it I’m gonna miss those losers and I didn’t want to let them go without saying goodbye.

Pathetic Progressive Life Imitates Exaggerated OCF “Art”

So Sunday night I posted my incredibly over the top comic masterpiece “The Absolutely Final, Last Stand of the Losers, 2020 Democratic Kamikaze Debate.”  Well, over the top may not be completely accurate.  All descriptions of the Tuesday night debate put it within an order of magnitude of what I described in my parody.  Ah, a prophet is never honored in his own time.  It does my heart good to know that the Dems are fulfilling the direst fears of the progressive powers that be.  If Bernie gets a convincing plurality of the delegates it will be checkmate against them in the November election.  Give him the nomination he will go down in flames.  Strip him of the nomination and his followers will stay home.  Sweet poetic justice for the Left encouraging the Millenials to believe in magic socialism.  Feel the Bern!

Who Can the Dems Find to Inject Some Hope into the Race?

Here we are at the end of the third week of relentlessly bad news for the progressives.  The Impeachment was a nothing burger.  The State of the Union Address was great optics for President Trump and a disaster for Nancy “the Ripper” Pelosi and her handmaidens in white.  Every primary, every debate, every news story has embarrassed the candidates and demoralized the progressive voters.  Bernie has surged in the polls and the party leadership are running out of options to stop him from getting the nomination.  They know if he goes into the convention with a plurality of the delegates and they appoint someone else in a smoke filled room that the Bernie Bros will freak out and either stay home on election day or vote for Trump out of revenge.

But even if they did anoint someone else who could it be?  All the other candidates are hopeless misfits that only appeal to one strand in the liberal coalition of the offended.  The Buttigieg voters hate Warren and Klobuchar.  The black voters only want Biden because of his link to Obama.  If he seems unelectable they’ll have to switch horses in mid-stream.  But which one?  Buttigieg and Warren won’t interest them.  Could they buy into Klobuchar?  Maybe, but it’s not a natural fit.  All in all, the present situation is racking the nerves of the Dem electorate.  The path forward is unclear.

This actually matches up with the outcome a lot of the contrarians were speculating about last year.  They were saying that Hillary would be plucked out of the air as the candidate or Michelle Obama or Oprah.  Would the Democrats do that?  I think they would if they thought they had a unifying savior.  I don’t think Hillary is an option.  Her loss in 2016 has tarnished her too badly.  she is a spent force.  I think Michelle Obama is a possibility.  She would energize the black voting block.  And the lure of the Obama years would fascinate a lot of the other progressive groups.  But it does seem unlikely.  I think the Obamas think 2024 is the right time to re-emerge.  They probably are hoping that a downturn in the economy will allow them to insinuate themselves back onto the national scene.

For these reasons I don’t think there is a viable alternative to Bernie Sanders.  Bloomberg has the money and the moderate credentials but he just got his head handed to him in the first debate.  He is not the right profile to inspire the Left to electoral victory.  So it will be Bernie.  Good.  Bernie has a loyal following of millenials.  They will vote for him.  He will get the loyalist Dem voters who will hold their noses and pull the lever.  But he won’t get the independents.  These libertarian types will listen when Bernie says he is going to take their money and redistribute it to the poor and they will believe him.  And they’ll think, “I like my money, it’s my best friend.  I don’t want to give it all to Bernie.”  And they will vote for Trump or stay home.  So I think the Dems are screwed.  They all got on board the green new deal and free college and free healthcare and free everything and because of that people who work and can count are going to give them the thumbs down.

So here’s to nine more months of Democrat depression followed by the election night despair.  I hope their healthcare plans include free anti-depressants.  They’re gonna need them.

Debating Bernie

With all the talk about Bloomberg coming in and being handed the nomination I thought about which scenario was better for us.  Honestly I can’t rightly say.  Bloomberg is maybe a little less crazy but he has plenty of faults that will make him a big target in November.

But putting aside questions of tactics I keep coming back to how much fun it would be if Bernie were the nominee.  Imagine a debate between President Trump and him.  If asked about healthcare he would tout his Medicaid for All.  When he was forced to admit it, he would confirm that it would eliminate all the private insurance in the country and throw us into an awful government system like the Canadians and British.  These are systems where you might have to wait years for an expensive test or treatment.  In fact some cancer patients have died waiting for such tests.  Can you imagine what President Trump would do with an opportunity to reply to a Bernie answer on health insurance?  It would be devastating.

And how about the rest of Bernie’s agenda?  He believes in eliminating border controls.  He wants free college for all.  He wants to provide free medical and education benefits to all illegals.  He’s on board with the pipe dream plan in the “green new deal.”  The shock and horror of moderates and independents when Bernie admits that he’s going to ramp their taxes exponentially to pay for all these absurdities will lose him every sane voter in middle America.  In such a situation we can probably win Colorado, and Nevada on top of all the states Trump won in 2016 along with the likely addition of Minnesota.

And the best part of the whole thing will be all those progressives wailing and gnashing their teeth on Election Day night.  Miley Cyrus whining and crying, again, about how it was Bernie’s turn.  Rachel Maddow telling us, again, that this is no nightmare, this is our lives.  Without a doubt the “ragin’ Cajun,” James Carville’s head will explode out of frustration that his warnings about Bernie were ignored.  The Young Turks will be swearing continuously again.  Every single word will be bleeped out.  I wonder if Russia will be blamed again.  Of course, it would be better to blame the Soviet Union than Russia.  that will be the actual cause of the loss.  Because when you come right down to it, less than half of Americans are crazy enough to prefer socialism to capitalism.  Not that capitalism has been doing a bang up job lately but even the semi-delusional will look into Bernie Sander’s apoplectic face and recognize a lunatic when they see one.

Of course 2020 will be much better than 2016.  we wont have to wait for months for President Trump to be sworn in and then assemble a cabinet.  He’ll already be there.  And with no more campaigning in his future he’ll be unconstrained.  His Justice Department can use his next four years to frog-march the likes of Comey, McCabe, Brennan and Clapper right into the big house.  My won’t that be fun.

22JAN2020- OCF Update

So I haven’t bothered to read any detailed reports of the Senate Trial.  But the headlines are amusing and encouraging.  Apparently Mitch McConnell has kept his nerve and stonewalled the Dems on all their requests to extend the trial and showboat for the media.  Good for you, turtle man.  Let him keep that up for another day or two and we can move on to something really important, namely the sign stealing scandal in Major League Baseball.  Perhaps Nancy Pelosi can inject herself into that crisis.  If I remember my history Nancy was involved in that earlier baseball scandal involving the 1919 Chicago Black Sox when she seduced Shoeless Joe Jackson by showing him a not so shapely ankle in exchange for his cooperation in throwing the World Series.  During testimony Shoeless Joe lamented, “That old bag’s ankle was definitely not worth the lifetime baseball ban.”  Or so I’ve heard.

The other political story of interest is Bernie Sanders holding his ground against a full court press by the press.  They have accused him of everything including being “like Donald Trump,” which is as close as they can come to issuing a fatwa against him.  But one story I glanced at claimed that a new nationwide poll has Bernie  leading Creepy Uncle Joe for the first time.  If Bernie gets the nomination I think it would be the first time in history that a U. S. Presidential election featured only men born in New York City.  A definite sign of the apocalypse.  A lot of people are saying Bernie is a bigger threat than any of the other Dem candidates.  Maybe that’s true.  He definitely promises a lot of stuff and he does claim he’s for the people.  Well, either way I don’t think any of these doofuses will give the President much trouble.

Work is a bear right now but I’ll try to squeeze in a post whenever humanly possible.  I’ve got some more country music reviews and of course Star Trek must go on.  I’ll add some more stuff to reclaiming the family and of course The He-Man Woman Haters’ Club but those posts shouldn’t be rushed.  They need time and loving care.

Stay tuned.


The Alice in Wonderland Election

Four years ago, Michael Anton named the 2016 presidential election the Flight 93 Election.  The analogy was that voting for Donald Trump was the equivalent of storming the cockpit to attempt to stop the Democrats (and Republicans) from hijacking and crashing the Unites States of America.

Unexpectedly it worked.  And over the last few years we have seen just how apt the Flight 93 metaphor was.  But we have moved well beyond the analogy because although we may have wrested the cockpit out of the hands of the terrorists, the plane is still taking anti-aircraft fire from enemy forces on the ground.

Well, enough of that metaphor.  Let’s try a new one.  A few days ago I reviewed the current state of the Democrat Presidential Primary and I declared that the only way they could get me to watch them was if I thought I’d get a laugh out of it.  Creepy Uncle Joe could get me to listen to his Tales of Corn Pop or watch him bite his wife’s hand but I wasn’t interested anymore in watching their boring debates or commercials.

But on closer inspection I think maybe boring is the wrong word.  I think the correct word is painful.

Let me elaborate.  When Liarwatha or Bernie starts yammering about the Green New Deal or Medicaid for All, the disconnection from reality is actually painful to listen to.  A sane listener experiences a jarring cognitive dissonance.  It’s like someone is scratching his fingernails across a chalkboard or when you bite down on a sore tooth.  So, it would take quite a bit to get me to listen to this stuff again.

And the same thing occurred when the Schiff gang began their little sitcom around impeachment.  Listening to Pelosi’s minions pretending to be Watergate investigators is just too tedious and nonsensical to follow for more than a minute or two at a time.  One of my friends sent me a link to the testimony Jonathan Turley gave at the hearings.  He is the one “expert” that wasn’t an obvious hack trying to legitimize the Schiff kangaroo court.  I listened to his measured and balanced discussion of what kind of presidential actions would and would not amount to an impeachable offense.  I found him credible.  But I also realized that he would not influence opinion one way or another.  Forty percent of the country would agree with him, another forty percent would call him a liar and the last Twenty Percent would be “unsure.”  The needle wouldn’t even twitch.  So why should I watch this stuff if it makes no difference at all?  I mean I think it’s good for our side to put their side of the story out there to make sure the Twenty Percent hears both sides of the story but for me and my readers there’s no new information provided.

Which brings me back to what I was saying the other day.  The only possible reason to watch the Democrats is for entertainment value.  Creepy Uncle Joe or foaming at the mouth commies will have to pull out all the stops if they want me to tune in.  The denizens of the Island of Broken Toys will have to really try to get me to watch.  Maybe a three stooges slap fight between Joe, Petey and Bernie or a hair pulling cat fight between Fauxcahantas and Hillary might get me to view but not much else.  I mean after the Swalwell fart it has all, more or less, been done.

So here we are with a United States Presidential Election going on, hundreds of millions of Americans making up their minds who will wield the most powerful office of the most powerful nation that has ever existed.  The occupant of this office, an office that has as one of its responsibilities deciding whether to launch a thermonuclear strike with the planetary extinction capability of the US nuclear arsenal, will be chosen by this process.  And as the leading opposition candidates for that job we have Creepy Uncle Joe, Liarwatha, Bernie the Stalinist and Butt Pete.  There is no other way to characterize the situation but as a bizarro world scenario.  The classical description is Alice in Wonderland.  We have a normal observer, Alice, confronted by a world where everything is inverted and the normal rules of nature are suspended.  She struggles to cope with the inconsistency and outright madness but finds herself unable to do more than move from one absurdity to the next.  In this analogy no one would try to make sense of the Mad Hatter or the Queen of Hearts.  It would be futile.  Admittedly some people find this amusing but a steady diet of this sort of thing results in the experience I noted at the beginning of this essay, jarring cognitive dissonance.

To my mind the sensible way to address this election is to try and sway the Twenty Percent by highlighting the positive results and agenda of President Trump and exposing the absurd and dangerous positions and bizarre behaviors of his opponents.  This is what the talking heads on the Right need to do.  They need to pound away at Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi and the Deep State that handed them this hot mess.  It’s up to Bill Barr and John Durham to connect the dots on what the Russia and Ukraine scandals are really about.  If it turns out that Hunter Biden was part of a bigger payday for the Obama administration then that will cook Joe Biden’s goose for sure.  But even without that I think we’ll see our side prevail in 2020.

For me this though this is not the mission.  I preach to the choir.  There’s no need to bang that drum.  You all know all this.  My job is to provide my opinions and hopefully amuse.  So, I don’t want to bore anyone with logical arguments as to why the Democrats are wrong about this or that policy position.  You all know they’re the enemy.  I don’t have to convince you.  What I need to do is find some interesting things to discuss about the world we live in and make fun of the evil cretins who want to make us Orwellian slaves.  And that’s what I’ll do, I will chronicle the evil, stupid, absurd and insane doings of the Progressives and their allies in the Media and the Deep State.  That is my mission in the Alice in Wonderland Election.  So down the rabbit hole we go.  Hopefully we’ll meet on the outside again after we wake from the nightmare.