Month: July 2024

Where’s Joe Biden’s Nobel Peace Prize?

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Okay, so maybe I’m pushing it.  Maybe it’s too soon.  But then again Obama got his preemptively and let’s face it, if we don’t get Joe to Oslo soon it might be kind of embarrassing during the presentation ceremony.  And messy.

So, how about it?  If proof is needed, we can list Afghanistan, Ukraine (kinda), COVID, January Sixth convictions (by proxy), Trump assassination attempt (by proxy), eleven plus million migrants living on the dole and the laughs we got from the debate, plus the gift of Kamala Harris.

That’s a lot.

What did Teddy Roosevelt have?  The Russo-Japanese War peace treaty?  Thin soup as far as I can see.  After all, are they really any closer to friendship now than they were a hundred odd years ago?  Hardly.

No.  History is crying out for a Peace Prize for Biden.  In fact, the whole thing should be renamed the Joe Biden Peace Prize.  And the award should be reworked so that it is a replica of Joe Biden’s head.  Smiling, maybe.  But I’ll have to think about that.  He did have that great look during the debate.  You know whenever Trump was mocking him.  Not just a confused look but a look of incredible effort like he was trying to remember how to make his mouth close.  So maybe that look.

And inscribed on his forehead it could say something like, “Never forget that I, uhhh, look, you know the drill, uhhh, the thing, uhhh, oh forget it.”

Next year, Kamala Harris can get hers; either for winning the election or for losing it.  After that either Greta Thunberg or those kids who defaced one of Van Gogh’s sunflower paintings then super glued themselves to the wall.  That was world class.

But enough of this daydreaming.  Let’s get back to reality.  Even if they gave Joe the award tomorrow there’s a good chance, he won’t know what they’re saying or what it means.  So, we’ve got to break through the cognitive barrier.  What needs to be provided is a clear indication that he’s getting a lot of money.  No matter how far gone he is into imbecility he will still recognize and respond to a big pile of cash.

What makes sense is for the award money to be presented in one-dollar bills in a giant burlap bag with a dollar sign printed on the outside and the bills overflowing onto the floor.  I guess, in order to make it more familiar it should be presented to Joe by Hunter in his underwear smoking crack cocaine and surrounded by naked hookers.

And to round out the experience Doctor Jill and Barack Obama could be on either side of the stage clapping and telling him what a good boy he’s been for knowing all the words and eating all his ice cream and mostly not soiling himself.

Poor Alfred Nobel.  If only he could have lived long enough to see his award go to Barack Obama for his future contributions to world peace (which didn’t quite pan out).  And hopefully now to Joe Biden for his good sportsmanship in allowing himself without the need for violence to be forced to exit the Democratic presidential primary that he had already won and hand it over to someone even stupider than himself.  Now that’s what I call peace.

We Lost Joe!  Is Kamala Safe?

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America is coming unhinged.  Suddenly we’re told by the Media that Joe Biden must drop out of the race for president because, supposedly, he had a bad debate.  What bad debate?  His performance was masterful.  He was sharp as a tack.  And he came up with that winning slogan for the campaign, “We finally beat Medicaid.”  I mean, that was world class.  Sure, he had some small slips of the tongue about trillionaires and COVID instead of healthcare but that’s just because he was so excited to tell the American people the good news about Biden-omics and how they were actually making money every time they go to the grocery store or gas station.  I mean, he really does pass a cognitive test every day.  Well, most days anyway.

So some MAGA Republican shills like Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer and Barack Obama staged a coup and forced poor Scranton Joe to drop out just when he was really getting started.  That was hard to watch.  Very hard to watch.  And I’m not even sure it really happened.  Maybe that was a deep fake of Joe conceding the race.  It didn’t sound like him.  He said billionaires instead of trillionaires and he didn’t call Donald Trump his vice president.  The whole thing is very suspicious.

But we can’t undo the past.  Joe’s gone.  He’s probably consoled himself with so much ice cream at this point that he won’t be able to move or speak until October, so the election is gone for him.  What I’m worried about is the same thing happening to Kamala Harris.  What if they run a coup against her?  I don’t care how unburdened she is by the past, if Obama, Schumer and Pelosi show up at her front door in the middle of the night and tell her that she has to step down “for the good of the country,” that good-hearted gal Kamala will sacrifice herself.

But she shouldn’t!

They’ll tell her she’s not popular enough to be elected.  They’ll tell her that giving forty-minute speeches about yellow school buses isn’t a winning strategy.  They’ll tell her that long solipsistic discussions about obvious facts aren’t a winning strategy.  They’ll tell her that replying to a pointed accusation about her painfully long list of failures with a maniacal laugh isn’t a winning strategy.

Who are these people telling her these things.

Well, sure, they’re the election professionals that she’s paying to help her win.  But maybe they’re also MAGA Republican shills who work for Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer and Barack Obama.  Don’t let them “biden” you, Kamala!  You’re better than that.

But even though you’re better than that, don’t let them talk you into a debate with Donald Trump.  Don’t do it.  Donald Trump doesn’t love yellow school buses.  He is completely burdened by what has been.  And he won’t be laughing.

He’s going to blame the border crisis on you.  Even though there is no border crisis.  He’s going to say that you were the “border czar” even though there’s no such thing.  And besides he’s Vladimir Putin’s friend and Putin really is the czar of all the Russias!

And Donald Trump is going to blame the urban crime on you because of the “defund the police” statements that you may (or may not) have made.

In other words, Donald Trump will be using disinformation against you if you agree to debate him.  So don’t you do it babe.  Your best bet is to stay put at the Vice-Presidential residence and don’t answer the door.  It could be a trick.  It could be Jake Tapper, Tucker Carlson or Donald Trump or it could be Pelosi, Schumer and Obama just waiting to catch you in a trap about dropping out for the good of the country.  Well, don’t fall for it.

So, if Kamala will just take my advice and stick to her basement until after COVID, I mean Election Day, she will be elected by a landslide and Donald Trump will stay in prison for a thousand years.  But stay away from the vanilla ice cream, Kamala.  I think it can rot your brain.  And you can’t afford it.

2024 Summer Movie Talk – Part 11

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Baseball Movies

I started out with sports movies but that’s a lot of territory.  Football, basketball, boxing, horse racing and all kinds of other stuff.  Baseball by itself is plenty for a list.

Every kid of my generation loved baseball as much for playing as for watching the pros.  We played some version of baseball on parish fields, sandlots, school yard asphalt or around the cars on our city streets.  Baseball, stickball, punchball, slapball or softball.  Wherever we could find the space and whoever was around we could always get together some kind of game.

And of course we were rabid fans.  Being from New York City we had to choose between the Yankees and the Mets.  But even though I was a die-hard Yankees fan I went to the 7th game of the 1969 World Series and dutifully ripped up a square of turf when the Mets won it all for the first time and planted it in my backyard.  A year later that chunk of grass died.  It figured.

“The Sandlot” is a cheat because it’s more of a comedy about kids but it has a few things that broaden the appeal.

“Field of Dreams” and “A League of Their Own” both have cultural aspects that annoy me but both contain enough entertainment to allow me to include them on the list with only a grimace or two.  “The Natural” is overly sentimental but I consider it the best attempt to capture the mythological aspect of baseball in the American psyche; at least as it was before America was lobotomized in our era.  “61*” is a more realistic look at the business of baseball legends.  “Eight Men Out” is another movie to look at the reality behind the legends.  It’s the story of the Black Sox Scandal.  Excellently made.

I’m sure opinions will differ.  Have at it.

  1. The Pride of the Yankees (1942)
  2. It Happens Every Spring (1949) 1
  3. Angels in the Outfield (1951) 1
  4. The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings (1976)
  5. The Natural (1984)
  6. Bull Durham (1988)
  7. Eight Men Out (1988)
  8. Field of Dreams (1989)
  9. A League of Their Own (1992)
  10. The Babe (1992) 2
  11. The Sandlot (1993)
  12. Cobb (1994)
  13. For Love of the Game (1999)
  14. 61* (2001)

1 Master Diver

2 War Pig